Dd has a group of 4 friends, one of them is vegan and also not allowed refined sugar/ junk foods. They are age 7/8
Day to day play dates need a bit of planning, but it’s ok. She does like food and asks for it a lot, but is also quite fussy. They buy a lot of food stuffs I’ve genuinely never tried, and sometimes I don’t know what she wants when we asked. last time I took her to the local co-op to try choosing and it was hard to find anything that was allowed but yet also wanted. A banana certainly doesn’t cut it. She also sees me as a soft touch and will want the doughnuts for example (vegan in the coop) so I’ve stopped that as mum is then annoyed. She directs me not to allow her to eat at all sometimes, but the child refuses to do anything if not fed (her two siblings are not like this to be fair). Her diet involves a lot of bread as she’s not very keen on veggies/ non-exotic fruit
Birthday parties have proved really hard in the past. One for example she wasn’t brought to when they were younger, pizza making, wasted a load of vegan cheese and extras as there was a last minute judgement her dd would be upset by not being able to eat many things. My child did want cheese very strongly to be there. Another I didn’t realise drinks were an issue, handed out fruit shoots and it was taken away... cue sad child to deal with (she drinks squash I’m sure so didn’t know) Most result in her sitting away from the group and eyeballing them if there’s food, or on a parent’s lap with sad face and feeling awkward. Food bought especially goes to waste (and can frankly double the cost...). I keep vegan spread in the fridge and offer toast as a compromise normally on play dates. It’s become a big wedge, the rules and her reaction to not eating what the others are allowed.
I’ve really tried, from making vegan cakes (not eaten by anyone, not my forte) to separate food but it’s still an issue. I’ve asked for recipes, but they’ve involved flours/ nuts etc that aren’t easy to source without a journey out of area and require blenders which I don’t have (she is extremely dedicated to food prep, even making her own stuff raw vegan) I find mum a really difficult character in many ways with views on me (eg owning a TV, activities we do etc) not just food. I’ve tried reasonable chats but she’s of the firm belief that my choices are wrong and hers correct in short. I think anything short of a party that has no junk/ sugar and is vegan wouldn’t be enough. None of my other vegan friends react this way, it’s not an anti-vegan post.... it’s a super restrictive diets and difficulty/ judgement of me. Two other adults are vegan and their kids are veggie that we know through my other kids, it’s zero fuss to eat with them.
Now my dd does not want to be restricted, she wants some sweets alongside the fruit at birthdays. One of her friends is positively junk focused and would sulk if there’s none (well, it’s a birthday party, they tend to be conditioned to it).
The girl is otherwise lovely, and it’s horrible to leave her out of small parties. What would you do? I’m really close to having the easy life and just having the others. It’s a movie party and they will snack heavily, and expect it.