Can anyone help me decipher DHs actions?

[AssignedNorthern]

Today I am bridesmaid at my friends wedding. We met through DH who essentially told me up front that she is his best friend and we couldn't date if I wasn't ok with that. I met her, loved her, she was bridesmaid when we got married and she is DS godmother.
Last night the bridal party, which DH is not part of, stayed at the wedding venue. I had DS all day and needed DH to get home from work to take over so I could leave. He knew that i was getting picked up at a specified time. He text half hour before to say stuck in traffic and would be late. He arrived home half hour late. I checked the traffic report around where he works and there were no reported issues.
I left as soon as he arrived as my friends dad kindly waited for me. DH then text me to say his shirt for wedding was ripped he had just discovered this as he was about to iron it, although shirt was fine when he tried it in last week with his suit. He ultimately arranged to borrow a friends shirt.
Today, the day of the wedding I wake up to three texts and six missed calls all from around 6am from DH. The texts said he had been up all night being sick and felt ill what should he do as DS was now awake.
I told him put DS in our bed stick tv on he's fine then sort yourself out if doesn't stop go to chemist. He replied that he would. He then later said he would take tablets and see how he felt. I thought ok as wedding not til 12:30 plenty of time to get himself sorted. I text before the service to see how he was he replied no better.
After service, which he did not attend, I text to say what's happening are you coming. No reply until 3:30 to say probably not coming as now has migraine.
I feel totally embarrassed that's he's just not shown up. Bride and groom are furious and say they don't believe his excuse. Another friend has suggested he was trying to ruin the wedding for me with all the dilemmas and issues he kept having.
I don't know what to think. I've relayed brides feelings to DH and now he's upset that we're all saying he's a liar. Lots of texts from him in the type of poor me I'm missing it and you're all being mean to me.

I can't tell if I'm being mean or he's tried to sabotage things. Anyone help me figure this mess out?

I don’t think he was trying to ruin things but I do believe he just couldn’t face going.

Why would he lie about being ill? Does he dislike the groom? Is he secretly in love with the bride?

How long have you been together and has he ever done anything like before?

I would assume he was in love with the bride and couldn’t watch her marry someone else

Has there ever been anything romantic between them? Do you think he may have feelings for her but she’s always seen him as a friend? It does all sound very strange.

Does he have a thing for the bride?
It could be a silly crush or she was his 'back up' incase things went wrong with you (no offence) now realises will never happen

He has lost his true love.

He doesn't dislike the groom they get on well although he didn't go to the stag do but I didn't press him on why.

Not sure why he would lie about being ill in fact I think he is probably ill but could he really be that ill that he couldn't at least show his face for a bit and then slink off to our room?

He does have form for ruining things that aren't about him such as my birthdays and does often cancel on things at really short notice such as another wedding we were invited to and a concert we had tickets to.

Surely leading up to this, there would have been some clues if he was devastated about her getting married.....
Were there?

It seems that he didn't want to go to the wedding, and couldn't make himself.

The obvious cause would be that he has feelings for the bride and didn't want to see her marry someone else, but it could be something else. Do you suspect feelings?

I don't think he just wanted to ruin your day, it was his best friends wedding.

He does have form for ruining things that aren't about him such as my birthdays and does often cancel on things at really short notice such as another wedding we were invited to and a concert we had tickets to.

Could have done with that info in the original post really... he sounds like a selfish man child, and he has previous for attention seeking at other people events. I'd imagine he's just done that again, and is upset that it's backfired (or just enjoying the extra attention from you all...).

I'd be inclined to ignore it completely if you intend to stay with him, give any time that he cancels or tries to ruin things no attention at all; and make plans with other people so he's an optional attendant. But living with a toddler as a husband doesn't sound too fun.

I don't think he has feelings like that or ever did. He would describe her as like a sister. We've been together seven years. The only other thing that makes my spider senses tingle on this is he suggested that he would drive to the wedding and not drink so we could cancel our room. Which I thought was weird as it's a best friends wedding and a nice treat for us to get a night away.

Can't bear seeing her marry someone else.

He wanted you, him and DS to be together at home with the wedding not even a thing so he tried to sabotage you into being at home too.

Now he's panicking that everyone has realised, which is valid as they will indeed all realise when they think about it, if they haven't already.

He has embarrassed himself and you. It doesn't mean he doesn't love you and DS.

Clusterfuck basically.

He does have form for ruining things that aren't about him such as my birthdays and does often cancel on things at really short notice such as another wedding we were invited to and a concert we had tickets to.

So either this is the most extreme example of his bad behaviour (in which case, he needs to be seeking some kind of therapy), or he couldn’t face seeing her get married to another man, or he genuinely was ill. I don’t think it’s the last one (not least because who feels up to reading and sending loads of texts when they have a migraine?!)

My first thought was ignore and not let it ruin my day. But so many people are obviously wanting to know where he is and both bride and her sister have asked me what's gone on and they both say they don't buy the excuse. So I've now exchanged numerous texts with DH where I've tried to point out that his actions are strange and he's accused me of being awful saying he's a liar etc. No apology from him though.

Interesting the numbers involved saying he couldn't watch her get married though

My thoughts exactly on migraine and texting! Apparently he is in a darkened room and feels light headed when he gets up but has sent me numerous texts about how unfair it is in him.

Actually I think he is jealous of you getting on so well with his "best friend", I also think the bride and grooms reaction tell you that they know that he has form for this type of thing.(as you do now). If you're planning in stopping with him you are going to have to come up with some tactics to stop him being a mardy bum.

I'd be tempted to go home unexpectedly and see what he's actually doing and if there is any sign of him actually being ill.

Then I'd ask what the fuck he's playing at if there's nothing and not take bullshit for an answer.

Actually DH was my lift home tomorrow I got a lift here off brides dad so popping home to catch him out not an option.

My gut feeling is he wanted to ruin it for me as he's jealous I'm part of the wedding and he's not.

It's almost time for the night do so I'm pulling myself together and going to the party. Thanks for the replies.

Why was the info in your first paragraph included if you don't think he's in love with her

I was married to someone who used to back out of things at short notice - eg my friends wedding the night before (embarrassing having to make excuses) and generally tried to ruin any event I went to without him where I might conceivably enjoy myself - a party or night out that he might have also been invited to. I learnt to pre-empt or ignore his saying anything negative beforehand and enjoy myself without him. It didn’t make for a good marriage though - it was all about control and “me me me” attention seeking on his part.

OP if there’s an evening do at the wedding you’re at, I should just be brief to any questions about why he’s not there, you’re not his keeper, change the subject and get on with celebrating your friend’s marriage and enjoy yourself.

And turn your phone off and stop answering your husband’s texts for the evening. Just say you hope he feels better soon and should lie quietly in a dark room. He’s also a grown up and can cope on his own with your DS.

Maybe he’s socially anxious?

DD has form for ruining days/nights out holidays when she has no idea what’s happening who’s sitting where etc it just takes over

..and yes, he is jealous. He wants the attention to be on him, even the attention of someone who has just got married today. Don’t let this happen, just all of you at the wedding ignore him.

My gut instinct would be that he’s jealous of someone else marrying her. I’d be very interested how he copes when she announces a pregnancy. That will probably tell you if he’s in love with her or not.

I would also say he couldn't bear to watch her get married. I cant believe how incredibly rude he has been.

Could he somehow be punishing you for leaving him to do childcare while you got to be in the wedding party?

Where is your child now?