Can anyone help me decipher DHs actions?

[AssignedNorthern]

Today I am bridesmaid at my friends wedding. We met through DH who essentially told me up front that she is his best friend and we couldn't date if I wasn't ok with that. I met her, loved her, she was bridesmaid when we got married and she is DS godmother.
Last night the bridal party, which DH is not part of, stayed at the wedding venue. I had DS all day and needed DH to get home from work to take over so I could leave. He knew that i was getting picked up at a specified time. He text half hour before to say stuck in traffic and would be late. He arrived home half hour late. I checked the traffic report around where he works and there were no reported issues.
I left as soon as he arrived as my friends dad kindly waited for me. DH then text me to say his shirt for wedding was ripped he had just discovered this as he was about to iron it, although shirt was fine when he tried it in last week with his suit. He ultimately arranged to borrow a friends shirt.
Today, the day of the wedding I wake up to three texts and six missed calls all from around 6am from DH. The texts said he had been up all night being sick and felt ill what should he do as DS was now awake.
I told him put DS in our bed stick tv on he's fine then sort yourself out if doesn't stop go to chemist. He replied that he would. He then later said he would take tablets and see how he felt. I thought ok as wedding not til 12:30 plenty of time to get himself sorted. I text before the service to see how he was he replied no better.
After service, which he did not attend, I text to say what's happening are you coming. No reply until 3:30 to say probably not coming as now has migraine.
I feel totally embarrassed that's he's just not shown up. Bride and groom are furious and say they don't believe his excuse. Another friend has suggested he was trying to ruin the wedding for me with all the dilemmas and issues he kept having.
I don't know what to think. I've relayed brides feelings to DH and now he's upset that we're all saying he's a liar. Lots of texts from him in the type of poor me I'm missing it and you're all being mean to me.

I can't tell if I'm being mean or he's tried to sabotage things. Anyone help me figure this mess out?

Does he have social anxiety?

If he has form for backing out of things like this it could well be due to social anxiety. I back out of these kind of events sometime, I’m not secretly in love with any of the participants, I just can’t face it.

And I can text when I have a migraine, it’s moving my head that’s the problem.

Thank you all so much for the replies. I've just got back and had a fabulous evening. Am now star fishing this lovely bed I've got all to myself.

Those asking about social anxiety absolutely not. DH is the type who everyone is his friend in fact he makes friends so easily wherever he goes while I'm more the one who struggles with this and has suffered from anxiety.

Special thanks to whoever recommended how to deal with him tomorrow I will not give this drama any more air and just let him know what a great time we all had.

Great that you had a good evening, and yes, Butterymuffin has it spit on in how to deal with him tomorrow. Don’t be surprised if he gives you the silent treatment if you won’t play ball in telling him how much drama he caused by his absence. Rather focus on all the good stuff, and if he tries to make it all about him, just brush it off and change the subject.

Enjoy the star fishing 😀.

Wow @Butterymuffin has it spot on.

Word of warning; he’ll go off like a Catherine wheel at you about something really minor to give him a chance to have a go as by being breezy and unruffled you’re denying him his platform to hsfe a big Barney with you.

God, in the death throes of my marriage I did this. It works but it lets the scales fall v v quickly.

I’d be tempted to have a sneaky look at internet history to see if he spent all day online.

DP has a friend who often leaves events when he’s not the centre of attention. It has become a standing joke.

I’d be tempted to have a sneaky look at internet history to see if he spent all day online.

I'd agree.

Word of warning; he’ll go off like a Catherine wheel at you about something really minor to give him a chance to have a go as by being breezy and unruffled you’re denying him his platform to hsfe a big Barney with you.

Following to see if this theory is true. I hope not, but I’m very suspicious of his motives.

Really hope you are okay, OP.

Yeaah, there will be something else for him to whine about when you get home, and if there is no evidence that anyone else's day was spoiled then he will have a massive tantrum about something or other. I would strongly recommend you start making plans to get rid of him.

How did today go OP?

I didn't expect to get any more replies after Saturday!

There's been no drama with DH. I text him Sunday am to ask if he was collecting DS from my parents to take him to his class, which DH had been adamant that DS should not miss and had insisted we not drink too much to ensure we would be home in time. Unsurprisingly DH replied to say he was still too ill to take him.

Everyone at wedding was super lovely to me Sunday am. The groom insisted that they would drive me home and told me not to worry he was just concerned that I hadn't enjoyed the day, which I assured him was not the case at all.

I collected DS from my parents and we had lunch there then went home. DH was in bed asleep. There was packets of Imodium and migraine tablets scattered about and bags in various stages of being packed. Which sort of reminded me of a crime scene that had been staged. Call me cynical!

DH stayed in bed made no sound then text me around 4 to state that he needed to eat something before he could take any more tablets was there any food in the house. I replied yes he said OK.

Then around 6 he finally came downstairs made his food and went back to bed without a word.

He left for work this morning, said bye to DS but not a word to me. So silent treatment which is his usual form of dealing with any fallout.

Oh OP. He sounds like a bit of a controlling arse. Hope you're ok. I get horrible anxiety when this happens to me. Wish I was strong enough to do something about it.

Fuck me. It’s like reading my life circa 2015.

What a nob

Keep smiling

My anxiety is through the roof this morning. But I'm used to the way he is. He won't apologise won't acknowledge any wrong doing will just wait it out and continue to say nothing.

It will be interesting to see how he deals with bride and groom though and if he apologises at all to them. I guess then I'll know if it's just me who's feelings don't matter to him.

Thing is with anything like this there's always enough doubt in my mind telling me that I could be wrong about the situation and maybe everything happened as he said it did to make me let it all go. But I don't believe the bride will do that.

Why is he being horrid to you? And why didn't you press on why he didn't go to the stag? It all sounds very weird. And poor behaviour. Can he not stand not being the centre of attention and likes to make things all about him?

Op,,even if he was ill the normal course of action is still to apologise to the bride and groom for not attending. As this is his best friend, he's neither attended the wedding or the stag. So he's clearly got issues with it. Issues he's not willing to share.

Why are you getting the silent treatment? What does he think you have done wrong? You could hardy have walked away from the wedding given you were a bridesmaid and your DS was being cared for elsewhere so no issue there.

I think he is being hugely controlling and you need to think very carefully about your future with him.

Bluntness this is how he's always been silent treatment regardless of who is at fault never wants to deal with anything. I suppose in his view I was mean to him in suggesting this was all lies and now he's doing his best to show me he was ill and I was in the wrong for saying otherwise.

But yes absolutely re how he should have handled missing the wedding, if he knew he was that ill he should have said from start of day I'm sorry not coming and should have apologised to bride but as far as I'm aware he's not had contact with her.

Re the stag it was doing something that he said he had no interest in which seemed reasonable enough to me at the time.

Imo he is simply punishing you for not being her...

What a tiresome bore he is.
Too much hard work for me I’m afraid

Wow.
Are there redeeming features to this relationship?

I think PP are silly to imply he's got a thing for the bride when it's clearly an attention thing and he just doesn't like it not being all about him. You've said he's got form for doing shit like this, continue to not give him any attention! Don't give him what he wants :)

It's perfectly possible for men and women to be friends without any romantic feeling.

I'm so glad you had a great time at the wedding OP! Shame about your selfish arse of a partner.