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Original poster

1st birthday of Df angel baby.

112 replies

Handbagsatnoon · 27/10/2019 10:06

Today is my Df Angel babys 1st birthday and I've bought two cards one for her dd and one for df and her partner, however I don't know what to write.
So does this sound ok?

I just wanted to wish your very special girl (babys name)a happy 1st birthday. I know it's been a hard year for (you, partner and ds) but know that I'm thinking of you all and always here if you need me.

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 27/10/2019 10:09

Do you know they’ll appreciate cards? These things are extremely personal and you don’t want to risk hurting them more by doing something they won’t be expecting.

Aquamarine1029 · 27/10/2019 10:10

I don't think I would mention that it's the babies birthday. I would stick to the second part of what you wrote. What kind of cards are they?

NoHummus · 27/10/2019 10:11

If you must send a card, just send one to your friend and partner. Don't write a separate one for the DD. I would write "thinking of your little girl X on her birthday" instead of what you've put - you can't wish her a happy birthday when there's nothing happy about it and she isn't here to celebrate it.

user1483387154 · 27/10/2019 10:12

I would be horrified to receive that.

Kyvia · 27/10/2019 10:12

I’d do a ‘thinking of you on Angel’s birthday’ type wording, rather than ‘happy 1st birthday’ - because it isn’t actually their first birthday is it, and likely to be a very emotional day.

BertrandRussell · 27/10/2019 10:12

I really wouldn’t send a birthday card. I would write a letter. Just say that you’re thinking about them all, using their names, and send love. Short and simple.

Berthatydfil · 27/10/2019 10:14

Sorry but I think that’s awful.

Ffsnosexallowed · 27/10/2019 10:14

Oh God no, don't send a birthday card for their dd! A note to tell them you're thinking about them is more than enough.

NWQM · 27/10/2019 10:15

I'd echo the posters saying send a card to the parents. It is likely to be very much appreciated that you remembered but I'd be cautious about celebrating birthdays etc overtly until you know how they are going to mark such occasions. They may not have worked out for themselves the best way yet.

Celebelly · 27/10/2019 10:16

Do you know they're marking it? Are they the kind of people who are into all that 'angels' stuff? Was it an early miscarriage or a late stillbirth or even after birth?

Aquamarine1029 · 27/10/2019 10:16

Are the cards actual Happy Birthday cards, because that would be grossly inappropriate.

Celebelly · 27/10/2019 10:17

Regardless of the answers to those questions, I think a card just saying you're thinking of them is enough.

Mummyoflittledragon · 27/10/2019 10:18

The only sort of card I would give would be a blank card with a heartfelt note that you are thinking of them.

BringMeTea · 27/10/2019 10:19

Oh my don't do that.

RubbingHimSourly · 27/10/2019 10:19

I wouldn't send a card.

Pick up the phone and ring her. You sound like a good friend, you'll know what to say.

Original poster
Handbagsatnoon · 27/10/2019 10:19

Well glad I wrote on here first if it that awful to receive a card.

Shes actually brought her a small cake and a balloon and is planning on going to her grave, however I can't be there today so have got her a card and the same flowers I bought for her funeral.

OP posts:
sheshootssheimplores · 27/10/2019 10:20

I agree. I’m not sure about the sending of a birthday card. An acknowledgment that their child existed and you are thinking of them can be done in one card.

As a side note - Please don’t use the word ‘devastated’ to anyone grieving though. I had this written in a condolence card to me and it really made everything 10x worse.

TimeForNewStart · 27/10/2019 10:21

Is she the type to think this is kind of you? If I were to receive a birthday card for my dead baby I would think it incredibly mawkish.

sheshootssheimplores · 27/10/2019 10:21

Why not tell her you are placing a card on her child’s grave alongside their own. Could you do that?

Lentilbug · 27/10/2019 10:23

That is such a lovely gesture from you OP. As someone whose own DC is also an angel baby I would appreciate any gesture that acknowledges the baby.

I agree with PP that a happy birthday card may come across as insensitive but flowers and a note simply saying that you are thinking of them and their baby at this time should be okay.

bobstersmum · 27/10/2019 10:23

I think I'd send a card to the parents to say thinking of you or something but not happy birthday to the poor child.

bobstersmum · 27/10/2019 10:24

Or just send them some flowers, or buy a nice plant.

ballsdeep · 27/10/2019 10:25

The gesture is lovely but I think it would be hard receiving a birthday card. They are already probably thinking what of she survived? Myou sound a lovely friend

HuloBeraal · 27/10/2019 10:25

Having worked with bereaved parents the vast majority would be delighted to receive such a card. They themselves celebrate their children’s birthdays, often with cakes and candles and cards. So if they are marking the occasion then there is nothing terrible about this card.
As so much of the awareness around Baby Loss Awareness week said: it is important for many parents to celebrate, yep that’s the word, their children, even if they never took a breath. Because they were born and they were loved. And really important to be remembered.
I agree that I wouldn’t send one to the DD but I would definitely send one to the parents. It is a lovely thought.

HuloBeraal · 27/10/2019 10:27

It isn’t ‘mawkish’ to wish a dead baby happy birthday. It isn’t ‘grossly inappropriate.’ Many many many bereaved parents do this (they buy birthday cards for their deceased children, and the many I work with wish others did too). These are the stereotypes bereaved parents have to encounter. Clearly she is celebrating his life and you should acknowledge that.

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