1st birthday of Df angel baby.

[Handbagsatnoon]

Today is my Df Angel babys 1st birthday and I've bought two cards one for her dd and one for df and her partner, however I don't know what to write.
So does this sound ok?

I just wanted to wish your very special girl (babys name)a happy 1st birthday. I know it's been a hard year for (you, partner and ds) but know that I'm thinking of you all and always here if you need me.

I agree that a thinking of you type note or card is the safest way to go. I make a card and we have a cake every year but don't have any happy birthday stuff.

What a lovely friend you are!

I lost my son at 39 weeks 3 years ago and I have a few friends who send a card or send me flowers and one visits for coffee (or wine!) All of it greatly appreciated. It helps enormously and I feel I'm not alone in remembering my son and the life we would have had together had he not been snatched from us the day before his birth.

This from piglet sums it up perfectly for me

'It's very subjective, however, at no point have I ever met anyone who has lost a baby who finds it embarrassing, uncomfortable or something to be ignored like a distasteful unspeakable secret'

I think you are a lovely friend.
I’ve lost 3 babies, I will never forget my mum hissing in my ear ‘I don’t want to hear about this again’ when I was in a hospital bed after my last loss.
I’d have loved a friend like you right then

rainbowlou

Rainbowlou how bloody awful, you poor thing

Thinking of (you, partner & Ds) today on your special girls (babys name)1st birthday.
Know that I am here for you always,
All my love handbags.

Yes that is perfect. This thread has got me a bit teary, i wish someone had done that for my DS. He was my first and was 3 months early and died 2 hours after he was born and no one talks about him. I dont talk about him anymore but i think about him every day. I had 2 more after him and always wonder what things would of been like had he of lived.

Your friend will be really touched you remembered her baby x

No need for that last bit SuperGrassKnoll

Plenty of posters in the same situation have said they would appreciate it. ( if you had read the full tbread youd see shed changed what she would send and say ) She doesnt sound simple, she sounds like a supportive friend

Thank you x

@Supergrassyknoll I'm sorry what is it that makes me sound simple exactly?

My very Df wanted to celebrate her childs birthday and wanted to do so as if she was here. She had brought a cake, balloons, cards and a small gift to put on her daughters grave. As I said up thread I was completely following her lead and purchased a card, the same way I would for her living Ds, however I didn't know how to phrase it. I'm more than aware that it isn't a "happy fucking day" the poor woman and her family haven't had one of those in over a year, so please do keep your ignorant nasty words to yourself.

To the rest of the ladies on this thread who have sadly lost their babies I could never imagine going through that kind of loss, you're all amazing woman.

A friend of mine lost her daughter a few years ago and told me recently that she finds it difficult that no one actively acknowledges that she was here. Everyone grieves differently but I think it’s a lovey thing to do, and wish I’d done it for my friend before. You’re a good friend OP

It was a friend's angel baby's bday this week. They popped on fb they really appreciated the very few cards and gifts they'd received.
It did make me think as it was like two cards, should I have done something but I didn't even consider it.
You sound very kind and as you're taking your friend's lead, that you're doing a nice thing.

@Supergrassyknoll You may add anything you wish to add, but may I just say yes I did read your post properly, clearly you didn't read any of mine. You do not know me personally, nor do you know the relationship I have with a woman I have known for over 20 years. We have been by each others sides through good days and bad, including being there for her when she was planning her childs funeral, infact I was only one of 8 people who actually showed up to support her and her partner in their grief.

As I said I could never and would never like to imagine what its like to lose a child, so i am extremely sorry for all your losses. But please do not come on a thread telling me I'm being nasty to you when infact you started by insulting me calling me "simple"

Your day has been deflated by your own attitude not mine, if this thread is upsetting you may I suggest you hide it and no longer comment. It is my thread and I will reply to whoever I wish to.

@Supergrassyknoll I am so sorry for what you have been through. A little empathy @Handbagsatnoon? You absolutely minimised this posters experience and it was cruel. Be it intentional or not.

I have a friend in this situation and I get a birthday card for the child and write it to her every year. To show we still think of her. My friend has said she wished others did the same x

I absolutely did not minimise her loss!
I was simply replying to all the other ladies who had posted on the thread as I had not been on here since the day of posting to reply.

I have a lot of empathy for @supergrassyknoll and all the other women who have lost a child, however she came on here with an absolutely stinking attitude and because she has lost a child gives her no right to speak to me like that. This may be just an internet forum, but it doesn't give people the right to imply I am jumping on or involving myself unwanted onto someone else's grief. She was rude as were some of the other posters up thread, totally uncalled for!

I've lost three babies and would absolutely love this.

Like @rainbowlou I also experienced family shutting me down in a very similar way not long after our first loss.

Give your friend the card. It is a beautiful thought. There are not enough friends out there like you x

Have you given her the card? How was it received?

@Handbagsatnoon You know your friend best. I have no experience of this, but I have read plenty of threads on here where people who have lost a baby or child, really want those around them to talk to them about it. They don't want their children to be forgotten, or excluded.

@ohDeari Yes I managed to get back in time to meet her at the grave and placed the babys birthday card alongside everyone else's. It was gratefully recieved as I knew it would be, we all sat and had a slice of cake let off some balloons, it was lovely.

That’s so lovely OP. You are a good friend.

I buy birthday cards for my son every year but there’s nothing from anyone else. I invited immediate family over on his first birthday (it’s 4 days after my birthday so would usually be planning a get together on the weekend around then anyway) but MIL already had plans and said she would have kept it free if she’d have known the date in advance 😢