It’s my last (probably) Xmas with the kids. Ideas to make it special

[Sharpandshineyteeth]

I have been diagnosed with Secondary Breast Cancer, a particularly nasty type which means My prognosis is 9-12 months.

I’m feeling physically fine on this chemo so looking forward to Xmas with the kids aged 16, 15, 12, 10 and 3.

We already have little traditions like new pjs on Xmas Eve. But this year I will have the whole day with them instead of splitting it with ex so I get to make them dinner etc.

Any other ideas to make it special?

I've had to step away from this to have a little cry.
You sound incredibly strong and brave. I cannot imagine all the emotions you are feeling and I am so sorry. It looks like others have come up with some fantastic ideas, I just want to wish you the most wonderful Christmas and continued strength, you sound like a wonderful Mummy 💐

Sorry to hear that, OP.

Not something to give them this year, but think about things that you can only buy at this time of year that you can leave for them - maybe christmas cards for the next few years / on key years in their lives (first christmas after married / baby / graduating etc).

Might also be worth looking on pinterest for ideas, too.

Love the recipe book idea.

If they don't know that this might be the last christmas, make sure you take lots of photos etc, and then make up memory boxes for them.

So sorry this is happening to you OP.

Definitely a church service of some sort - maybe a Christingle service or Carol Service if you aren’t regular church goers.

Make sure lots of the photos are of you, by yourself, in family groups, with each of your DC. A good friend of mine died a few years ago and her DC have very few photos of her and it’s a huge regret.

Maybe make or buy personalised Christmas stockings - something they can use in future years.

And try not to to put too much pressure on yourself to make it perfect. Just normal and full of love, that’s what they’ll remember.

I’ll say a prayer for you all

((((Big Squishy Hugs)))

Cancer is a bastard, but for now, I’ll join you in denial if that’s where you’re at x

I think if you really want to make it special, all you need to do is be relaxed & be together. I can’t forgive the people who made my Dad’s last Christmas very stressful & unhappy.

Don’t let anything (other than the Elephant in the corner - which you might not be able to control) upset or annoy you.

Just have a lovely day together 🎅🏼🍾🥂🍹🍫🍭

Definitely recipes and teach each child how to do one part of Christmas dinner just like you do, so in the following years they can all make their part.

When packing away their stockings, put a small gift and card in each for next year.

I am so sorry to read this - you are incredibly brave. If you haven't seen it have a look at recordmenow.org There is an app developed from research about what children wanted to hear from their parents after they lost them. sending you

Sorry OP.

Lots of videos of you all together. The 3year old is so little it will be lovely for them to look back in future years at you all having a great time.

My family always play a game called Pit. It's really loud but really fun when there are lots of us! Some good games, great food, funny film under blankets. Just do your thing.

@Sharpandshineyteeth

I am so very sorry to read this awful news. You must be feeling so sad but you sound so positive.

I hope your Christmas is wonderful with your dear children.

Sending you love and praying for you and your family.

I lost my mum three years ago tomorrow. She planned an amazing Christmas for us as she knew it was her last and she loved Christmas so much.
I stayed over with my husband and 2.5 month old and she set up a tea station in our room with little tea pot and Christmas cozy with little packets le we were in a hotel. Even had little biscuits.
We had the same Christmas CD from when we were little and home for Christmas and we sing along loudly to it.
She got us all rings to wear to remember her by and I treasure mine. She got my daughter a "guess how much I love you" bunny and book set and all my favourite childhood books. My daughter is 4 tomorrow and won't let it go.
I wish I had more videos with her voice and more pictures but she hated them, I snuck a few but want more.
What comforts me or I suppose used to was smelling her perfume and I wish I had managed to get a bottle of it.
I agree with the recipe books or the "plan" of Christmas as I wrote a plan with her the last year and have been following it since.
It can be really hard to stay happy at these sort of events when you know. Take time out if you need and if you need be sad for a bit so you can release the feeling and be happier after.
Sending you and your family hugs as I know it can be so so hard.

I’m so sorry to hear about your prognosis. I would ask each of them to pick out a couple of your fave tops, shirts etc and have a cushion made from whatever item they picked.

I’m so sorry this is happening to you and I hope you and your family have a magical Christmas

I’m so sorry that this is happening to you all, @Sharpandshineyteeth.

There are some wonderful ideas here. I think it would be really lovely for the children for you to be recorded (video ideally) reading your favourite Christmas story/stories aloud. It’s something that they will love watching every year, and can become a Christmas tradition of hearing you read to them every year.

I’m so very sorry OP.

My suggestion is to indulge in the lead up to Christmas. We always get the Jacqui Lawson advent calendar- it’s online - this is a previous one - www.jacquielawson.com/advent/alps - we ‘open’ the door together as a family each evening. It’s a really special 5 minutes.

Also I always by the Ravensburg Christmas jigsaw puzzle and do it together with the kids over a few weeks. It’s a lovely way to spend time together.

Also, a fun idea if you have friends and family nearby, is to make gifts with your kids like homemade biscuits and to get up early and drive around leaving them in peoples doorsteps for them to discover.

I wish you a precious Christmas with your family.

Please write a Christmas Book with how it's done your way so next year they can look at it and get it "right". They'll appreciate it forever.

I'm so so so sorry about your diagnosis. When my mum died from breast cancer we were 7, 10, 14, 16. If it's any comfort we are still close 42 years later. We still all have a Christmas meal together every year though rarely on Xmas day, but close. The cousins all love each other too.

Take care of yourself and enjoy every minute you can.

I think the idea of documenting your life is a lovely one. You could record your life story, with lots of detail, memories, lists of your favourite things, places, music, films.

You could write or film it, make it into a nice book - handwritten or maybe printed from one of the sites like photobox.

Love to you all.

I realise it’s a lot of work with so many kids, but would you consider buying each of them one of these and filling it in? Or at least one, to all of them?

Mum, Tell Me: A Give & Get Back Book www.amazon.co.uk/dp/0241367220/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_jcHRDb4XX71D2?tag=mumsnetforu03-21

Or something similar

After my mum died I realised so many of her stories and info about my grandparents etc died with her - some I remember, patchily, most I don’t. I wish I knew them to share with my own children. I’m going to fill these in for my twins.

I’m so sorry. The last Christmas with my mum was the first we had all been together in years and it’s a very happy memory for me. Sending lots of love to you x

My mum died suddenly when I was 8. I'd love to know her favourite perfume, her favourite book, her favourite music. Her wishes, for her, for her children. I'd love to know anything and everything about her. I'd love to hear the sound of her voice. All I have are a few photos and some of her writing. I can't look at the photos as they make me cry too much.

Everything about you is important. Everything. Write it down. Tell the story of your life.

It's not just Christmas it's everything. Full those children up with knowledge about you. Tell them your hopes and dreams. Who is your favourite actor and pop star and movie?

Get this and fill it in

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Mum-Tell-Me-Give-Back/dp/0241367220/ref=mpssa111?keywords=give+and+give+back+book&qid=1571688732&sr=8-1

Make a video leading up to Christmas. I really hope you have a wonderful Christmas

Can you make a short voice recording for each of them with a personal Christmas message. I so wish I had a voice recording of my mum.

Lots of video of you, I treasure video I have of my mum & watch it sometimes. If you feel it appropriate make your children a video for future christmases that if they wish, they can watch on Christmas Eve. A video wishing them a merry Christmas & to have fun, remember the Christmases together.

So sorry that you have had this news . I think memory boxes or jars are nice. If you are up to it, write down your Christmas memories on pieces of card or paper. Include an individual memory about each child but also some of your memories from when you were little. One of the hardest things about losing a parent when young is that you can miss out memories from their past. People often save those things up for after they have gone so there is something for the future.

A lovely Christmas decoration for each child would be a memory that they could take out every Christmas too.

It sounds as if you are a great mum. The things you do will mean so much to your children.

Sensory things. I have a lovely aromatherapy soap that I was using while my mum was ill. The L'Occitane shower gels I used when my DCs were born take me right back. Can you stock up on a beautifully scented oil for burning that they will be able to use for years to come? Play a favourite Christmassy song every day?

So sorry you are going through this. I can't think of many ideas but as a widow with children I highly recommend tons and tons of pics and videos or voice clips to have your voice comfort them all x

I am so sorry to hear of your situation. Sending love. I lost my mum at age 7. She was only 30 years old. Since her illness started to her death was over a year and was too poorly to do anything special for us. The things I miss most is her voice, always settled me when I was younger.

Make every day special and filled with memories not just xmas, as it will leave a void.

Have some of your scents for leaving them, I always remember my mum when I smell sunflower perfume and zoflora. Simple things do more than the bigger things.

Although I do agree with other posters about doing the xmas season together and leaving them the family traditions for them to continue with.

Sending you and your family lots of love.

I think smells are very important as they are so evocative
I put the essential oils of cinnamon, clove, pine, sweet orange and lemon on gauze and tuck it in the radiators

House smells Christmassy