It’s my last (probably) Xmas with the kids. Ideas to make it special

[Sharpandshineyteeth]

I have been diagnosed with Secondary Breast Cancer, a particularly nasty type which means My prognosis is 9-12 months.

I’m feeling physically fine on this chemo so looking forward to Xmas with the kids aged 16, 15, 12, 10 and 3.

We already have little traditions like new pjs on Xmas Eve. But this year I will have the whole day with them instead of splitting it with ex so I get to make them dinner etc.

Any other ideas to make it special?

I’m really sorry to hear your news. Please could I point you towards the charity www.teamverrico.org/ who will be able to help now (they will pay for second opinions, treatment, cleaners, food deliveries) and will help to support your children later. Please do contact them and your local hospice will be able to help, I know it is really really tough right now but hospices are nothing like you’d imagine and they are really supportive. Sending you love xxx

May I recommend a book for your dd who loves cooking? it's called Cooking with Coco by Anna del Conte. It's recipes she made with her granddaughter and what her gd experimented with and tried out etc. It's a little like cooking with your grandma if your grandma were a famous chef! The recipes start off really simple and get more sophisticated as you go on.

oh and this isnt an idea that would fit for some but my friend got her kids a puppy for their last chrismtas. it gave them something to love,get up for and cuddle.it was something that worked for them as fmaily though so just a random thought...

Can't begin to imagine how you are coping with this xx

I'd say lots of games, laughing, keeping all positive, proper good quality time and fun. xx

Oh dear. This is so sad. One of my family members had just been diagnosed with cancer. Be brave. Enjoy every moment. If you can, write some special letters for them to read at their special moments like weddings, birth of their first child, graduation. Tell them your favourite stories about your childhood. They will treasure every minute with you.

What about having blankets made with special pictures of you all? Something they can always keep and use.

There is also books you can get online where you record your life story, it has questions in it for you to answer. We got them for grandparents and it’s brilliant because it’s things we would never have thought to ask and it’s a brilliant keepsake.

Big hugs OP. I hope every day makes you smile and brings love x

I too am so sorry to read your post.

I think the recipe book would be wonderful gift that will be treasured.

When my children were younger, they painted a Christmas ceramic baubles a "paint your own pot" shop. Those baubles mean so much to me. You could all decorate baubles/ceramic plates each, helping each other so they have the memories of the day and a gift.

So sorry to read this op! I have no ideas at the moment but I will keep you in my thoughts and pop back if I have any.

This is really close to home for me. My dad died when I was 16. He was a workaholic and I really didn’t get to know him well. If there is anything I could wish for beyond the voice thing is getting to know who he is and was. What his life was like as a child. His essence. His favourite things he loved doing. If there are any family traditions you would like your children to follow when you are gone, which could help them to bond together that would be good. Sorry I’m not coming up with any great ideas. So many people have already suggested such fab things. I do a family photo calendar every couple of years. I think documenting as much of your life as possible would be really great. Start a diary now so that your children can remember those precious last few months. You sound like such a lovely person.

Oh, OP I'm sorry to hear your prognosis.

There are already lots of suggestions for lovely sentimental gifts and activities.

My suggestions are things that have made the fondest memories for me - it usually involves all laughing together. So one year we got Xmas crackers and each one had a little whistle in it, each a different numbered note. Someone gets the music then tries to conduct some tunes - it's chaotic and so funny - for all ages. Also the Pieface game (with real squirty cream not a wet sponge), Obama Llama was the family favourite last year or even something like charades in teams - all really uniting. You'll know what would work best for your tribe.

And don't spend too long cooking the meal and make sure the older ones help out so you can have longer relaxing together and enjoying the day. If you want it to be all of your home-cooked food then do what you can in advance and chill/freeze but don't over-work yourself and be knackered for the day itself.

Sending the best of wishes to you and your family X

Maybe one of those cardboard photo frames with props. Borrow a tripod for a camera so you're in the photos too, or get a selfie stick? Take loads of fun photos with your children.

All wear Christmas jumpers for the day, the most awful the better. Start a competition?

Blankets are a lovely idea as a gift and something they can keep forever.

Make your own crackers. You can do it all together, everyone buys a little gift to put in for one of the others? Something nice, doesn't have to be expensive and a nice pre-Christmas activity together. We have re-useable crackers and it's become a lovely tradition, plus avoids plastic tat.

Maybe make a photo book when the time is right. It is really lovely to have them on the bookcase where you can just flick through and reminisce. They can be quite quick to do with modern cameras as when you upload the photos lots of them look at the meta tags and group the photos by date/time. It means it starts you off quite well, you can then tweak.

Wishing you a fabulous Christmas.

They will need to know though. You might get support from Marie curie family counsellor, or winstons wish

Start Christmas celebrations early, plan a visit to see Santa and get a photo with all the children, the little one will love it. Make mince pies and biscuits together and freeze a batch for the big day. Make some decorations and decorate the biggest tree you can find. Go and see a pantomime and Christmas lights. All memories that they will treasure for ever.

I was coming on to say baubles as well- you can give each child a couple to think of you and they can take with them when they grow up and make their own Christmas trees. Then you will be there with them.

I love the recipes idea-for fun things like christmas cookies and things your DC especially love as well as comfort food.

What about something to cuddle-toy, cushion, blanket?

Wishing you the best Christmas ever!!

Lots of lovely ideas already so I really do hate to be negative but disposable cameras are usually hugely expensive (when you factor in developing costs too) and the photos are often terrible quality and very disappointing - honestly you'll be far better using a digital camera or phones! Yes yes to the recipes and Christmas traditions book also to the recording yourselves reading a Christmas story. I also wondered about going to a pantomime on Christmas Eve - need to book early for those usually tho! Wishing you a wonderful Christmas

I don't think they'll need stuff, although photos, videos and sound recordings are always good. I think what will make them happy after you're gone is to think 'we gave Mum a good last Christmas'. How you engineer that is down to your unique family dynamics but you sound very thoughtful and resourceful. I'm sorry not to be more specific but I think this is very personal. My thoughts are with you.

Absolutely no words of advice, so just wanted to send and hugs to you and you family. Enjoy what ever this christmas brings ....

OP, you are incredible. And I am so, so sorry.
To answer your question... Looking back on Christmases, the best bit by far (which I never really appreciated at the time) was the 'special' tree decorations. There were always some that had been around for ever, and made me feel happy each year. It was like visiting old friends. Maybe have a trip out to choose some special ones that your DCs will treasure forever?

Ci am nearly in tears reading your story, you are very strong. Have a magical child's Christmas Day. No rules apply to the day, e.g have selection boxes for breakfast, hide presents around the house and have different clues at different times during the day to find them could be family board games, a special present for each of them etc.

Make a new tradition for them to carryon, just have fun an enjoy each other as much as possible. Best wishes to you op 😊

I just wanted to say I have zero suggestions but I admire your courage,strength and dignity a million times over...You are a total inspiration with your outlook and I hope you will continue to stay well on your chemo and see not only this christmas but next too...My heart goes out to you and to your family.. I wish you love and continued strength and with all my being I wish you peace and happiness with your family. I am so sorry...

I've got something in my eye

How about all the little things around xmas... hot chocolate in Starbucks, visit a continental xmas market if there is one nearby, go see the lights being switched on, see a panto, that type of thing.

Oh OP I’m so sorry

One word on the build a Bear, my best friend gave both my children one each and a decade on the battery has gone and the we can’t hear her voice anymore. I got an idea I’m stealing from a friend where you ca record your own voice, just using voice memo app on your phone, upload it to a file on google drive and create a QR code, then stick the code in the front of a book that you’ve recorded yourself reading for example, then it’s just in the cloud forever and they won’t lose it. Some previously mentioned recording yourself reading The Night Before Christmas which is a lovely idea, read it to them live this year and maybe record that reading, buy a copy for each of them and stick the QR code in the front?

I do hope you are able to do some of the ideas to make a memorable christmas for your family.

Christmas scrap book
You could get an Instax Mini Camera which is one of the better instant camera's and take lots of family pics and everyone gets to add their favourite memory in the book.

Play some fun board games which all the family can join in perhaps a boxing day treasure hunt. This year we have bingo crackers and I'm buying some fun silly prizes. We are also doing an Escape game dressing up & having cocktails and canapés.

Heaps of

You could make some special tree decorations or a lovely star for the top of the tree. Do some video messages and put them on a usb stick for each of them.

Recipe book is a great idea, I still cook to my Mum's instructions.

Might be a good idea to do some of the cooking before xmas day and freeze it ie roast potatoes, you can par boil and toss in oil then freeze, then straight in a hot oven from freezer, they come out great (you might want to do a trial run first) so you can spend more time with your kids and not all day in the kitchen. I bet this will be your best christmas ever.

So sorry this is happening to you.

Make christingle and go to a service also midnight mass.

I'm not religious at all but these are some of my vivid memories of childhood. So many lights, sounds and smells. It's just lovely.