It’s my last (probably) Xmas with the kids. Ideas to make it special

[Sharpandshineyteeth]

I have been diagnosed with Secondary Breast Cancer, a particularly nasty type which means My prognosis is 9-12 months.

I’m feeling physically fine on this chemo so looking forward to Xmas with the kids aged 16, 15, 12, 10 and 3.

We already have little traditions like new pjs on Xmas Eve. But this year I will have the whole day with them instead of splitting it with ex so I get to make them dinner etc.

Any other ideas to make it special?

I'm so sorry to hear this and sending big hugs to you all, my ideas fwit are...

1. memories scrapbook
2. shoebox for each child of memories, pictures, written letters from you
3. post it notes for each child for years to come
4. game on xmas day of funniest memories you all have to date of each other and things you've done together

x

@JMAngel1 , they are already sick of my photos and videos 😂

I think because they don’t understand the seriousness of this all, they just think I’m
being weird. I’m not going to correct them and tell them the limited time we have.

I'm so sorry sharpandshineyteeth.

Not necessarily for Christmas, but how about setting up a Gmail account for each child, and sending them photos, videos, messages about your memories of them as babies (and useful info about what your pregnancies were like!) etc from now onwards? You could give the addresses and passwords to your ex in envelopes, to pass on to each when old enough.

Do you have a local hospice, OP? They may have more ideas from their residents.

Yes, I know my mascara is running now!

Peace to you and whatever joy you can find x

A personalised bauble each. You can buy them from Amazon, you could pop a photo
from Christmas day into each one, or an item to remind them of you

www.amazon.co.uk/Yeelan-Plastic-Acrylic-Fillable-Ornament/dp/B01H0BSB52/ref=mp_s_a_1_5?keywords=diy+baubles&sprefix=diy+baubl&tag=mumsnetforu03-21&qid=1571678085&sr=8-5

It is a very, very sad situation and I'm sorry.

So very sorry to hear this

Sending you strength and warmest wishes for you all to have the bestest time you possibly can under such dreadful circumstances ❤️

@DNAwrangler , I have just set up a general email to them all in which I am telling them how I am coming to terms with it all in the hopes of helping them come to terms with it. I will do separate cards/letters later.

@MarianaMoatedGrange , there is no way I can face a hospice at this point. A lot of my coping mechanisms mean avoiding the truth 😂

I'm so sorry to read of your diagnosis, and remembered something that I made with my gran when I was a child.
We made a beautiful centrepiece for the table when we had Christmas dinner.
Right in the middle we put a beautiful candle and surrounded it with holly (artificial) threaded tiny lights through the foliage and went a bit overboard with the glitter. Every year it was unwrapped again, new candle and a few more revamps to it. My gran has sadly passed, but the centrepiece is still going strong (rather like Trigger's broom from only fools and horses). Yes there is probably only the base which is original, but it's still beautiful and full of wonderful memories.

Oh bugger. I'm sorry lass.

How about going doing with them and they all get to choose a new tree ornament each. Maybe then quietly buy a second one of each to b be kept safe, just in case one gets lost or broken.

I'm so sorry to hear this is happening to you.

There are lots of wonderful ideas on here (some of which I'll be stealing).

My suggestion is not do much for Christmas but something for you to leave your children when the time comes. Look through your possessions and think about what you would like to leave each child and why and write them a note. By this I don't mean the big things but things which may seem trivial like a pair of your glasses, a favourite book etc. I say this as my mother lost her mother at a young age and one of her most prized possessions is her glasses as they remind her so strongly of her. They may be the kind of things which would be discarded as they don't have material value but would actually mean a lot to your children.

I will be thinking of you all and hope you have a wonderful Christmas.

Sorry to hear your news. I lost my mum 10 years ago. She loved Christmas and would ask for a list of presents we wanted around October!
She was really ill for her last Christmas so I asked for presents I could keep and remember her by. I've got a lovely jewellery box and a sewing box now that I smile each time I use them.
Hope you have an amazing Christmas

How about getting the older ones to help you with the stockings etc for the little one? A shared project and chance to spend time together.

I do a photo book for each of mine from our summer holiday every year. It's a nice reminder of usually warmer months and they look forward to getting them (I think!).

A lot of the fun of Christmas is in the preparation and the anticipation - maybe ask them the type of thing they would like to do - either individually with you or together. One of hte previous suggestions of Christmas pudding making and/or gingerbread house/biscuit decorating are the things we look forward to doing.

Hope this Christmas is special for you all.

Ooh I've got one! play your favourite songs from the whole of your life, you can write down the name of the song and the artiste for them. Songs my mum liked instantly remind me of her when I hear them, but not with sadness, just memories of her singing along (badly!)

So sorry OP. I am feeling teary just reading your post, you are so brave.
Just enjoy, don’t try too hard, there is no such thing as a perfect Xmas, it’s the people you spend it with that make it perfect.

My mum died of cancer when I was little. She made us a Big Book of Xmas - recipes, the place she got the goose from, the schedule she worked to, house decorating tips and instructions - everything.

It's now the template for all of our many different family Christmases so she's in the lives of her grandchildren too. Also, maybe save some wrapping paper and cards from this year and stick them in too? Those can be so special.

Really sorry to hear your news. I would make sure lots of pictures taken and printed and framed. Keep dinner simple and just enjoy spending the together. Perhaps invest in a few classic games. Love idea of a nice blanket each I think online you can get ones printed with a picture of you all on. Also perhaps buy each a piece of jewellery they can keep x

We do yearly decorations. Max £5 and tackiest wins. Our tree is a riot and I love it as everytime I look at it, the whole family is represented.

It must be so, so hard for you. One of the nicest things I've ever received is a build a bear with the voice of a loved one recorded in it. Its a bit twee but even now they've passed away, a quick press of a paw and I get a 'love ya' and it really makes me smile. You could get them and put them in christmas themed outfits. It would mean that every year, you're there.

Could you get the 15 and 16 year old to do some video footage of you. I know I am guilty of often being behind the camera rather than in front. Also depending on finances could you have a family photo with copies for everyone. Maybe the hospice could suggest a photographer.

As well as photographs consider some short video clips and/or voice recordings on the day, as well as before and after. Especially ones featuring yourself and your voice.

I'm so sorry to hear your news. I hope you and your family have a wonderful Christmas together.

I’m so sorry to hear this. It’s my mum’s anniversary today and I lost her whilst I was very young.

I second the recipe idea. I remember clearing out her freezer when I moved out a few months after she passed away (I was the only one living at home when she died) and I came across a frozen portion of one of her signature dishes. I ate it and it really felt like a hug from her.

Also a recording. I used to ring her and listen to her voicemail until the contract ended so I could hear her voice.

Big hugs to you.
Very sad for you and your children.
I asked my dd14 if this was my last xmas what would you like to do, her reply was have a big family party so that hopefully the family would continue on to have it first years after to make xmas less sad without you.
If you don't want them to know you have to keep it as normal as possible.
I would go to mid night mass and have as many around as possible to make the day a celebration.
I lost my own mum to cancer and I feel your pain. My own mum just blocked it out pretended it wasn't happening but we where old enough to talk to doctors.
My mum never said to any of us she was dying. It's a hard conversation to have with anyone.

Really sorry to hear your news, I think other posters have covered nearly all the ideas I would have suggested.
The only thing I can think of is a CD of all your favourite songs? It might sound kind of weird, but I had a tape of songs my mum had recorded once, not all songs were my taste (it was in a pile of other tapes that she gave me with a tape recorder to mess around with), but it was one of my treasured possessions as a kid.
She is still around, but I think if she was going to leave me something and I could choose what it was, it would be something like that.

Please let me also add my condolences at such shitty awful news
Yes do record as much of you as possible
I’m sure you will do
How about a tree bauble for every family member with a photo of you and them and the date Christmas 2019 that they can bring out every year.
How about giving a trusted family member a lock box of unopened Xmas and birthday cards until they each reach 21.
I lost someone very close to me and thankfully I’ve always been a birthday card hoarder so it was lovely to find the cards from them.

How about something they can keep. Maybe a 365 day jpage a day journal so they can write their feelings down. So useful when you are going through a hard time/ wading through treacle..again with a personalised note on the front page of every one

Games we used to play..a tray with 20 small objects on..like pen, thimble etc
You got a minute to have a look then it was covered up and you had to write down what you remembered

A variation on this game was putting something that didn’t belong in a different place eg egg whisk in tooth mug in bathroom
They then have to go round to see if the can spot them all
We also do the hat, scarf, chocolate, dice. Really funny

You could let some fireworks off when it gets dark

Are you a crafter? Buy Christmas material and make or buy a Christmas pillowcase and embroider their names on it. Chain stitch is easy peasy once you get the hang of it
You’ve really made me think
I’m not going to be around for ever..I should be doing something similar
At least birthday cards and Christmas cards for the first year

I really hope you prove them wrong op and are here for many, many more years to come

We do a Poundland secret Santa. We pick names out of a hat and all have to go to Poundland at the same time and buy a present for the person we've got with just £5 each (adjust as you wish!) - it's great fun and such a laugh to see what people come up with. Bigger kids could help the little one :)