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Original poster

It’s my last (probably) Xmas with the kids. Ideas to make it special

150 replies

Sharpandshineyteeth · 21/10/2019 17:06

I have been diagnosed with Secondary Breast Cancer, a particularly nasty type which means My prognosis is 9-12 months.

I’m feeling physically fine on this chemo so looking forward to Xmas with the kids aged 16, 15, 12, 10 and 3.

We already have little traditions like new pjs on Xmas Eve. But this year I will have the whole day with them instead of splitting it with ex so I get to make them dinner etc.

Any other ideas to make it special?

OP posts:
WorldEndingFire · 21/10/2019 19:07

So sorry to hear your news.

Making stockings is a fun together job if you have a reasonable grasp of a sewing machine. You can embroider them with their initials or just use a glue gun or applique or similar.

Have a wonderful Christmas when you get there.

MoaningMinniee · 21/10/2019 19:09

Can I completely second the idea about family recipes?? Before she died my father's mother gave me two recipes, one of which I use at least six times a year. Not only does it give me a sense of connection to her, but also my children, my siblings, and my nieces and nephews, all of whom have taken it from me and added it to their own family cookbook. I am the eldest of her grandchildren btw and was the only one who can actually remember her properly, the rest were either unborn or still in nappies. The other recipe I managed to lose somehow and I so desperately wish I hadn't chucked it out accidentally with some A level notes, which I think is what happened to it.

Boysey45 · 21/10/2019 19:09

I'm sure it will be special just having the day all together yourselves. Sorry to hear that, try to do some things for you as well, that you have always wanted to do.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Events & celebrations
HivesMind · 21/10/2019 19:10

For the 3, 10 and 12 year old...maybe even the other 2...if there's a Build A Bear around you, make them each a specially selected bear with a voice recording message inside in your voice, personal to them. I lost my Dad but he'd gifted me one of these...I was too old for it really, but it was such a comfort to hug it and hear his voice... x

DonKeyshot · 21/10/2019 19:13

If you haven't done so already, take a look at the Cancer Support thread in General Health where many of the 'lacies' have breast cancer and are more than familiar with the mental anguish and turmoil you are going through, OP.

New treatments are being trialed every day and I hope your oncologist is aware of all of the latest developments particularly in the field of immunotherapy which is proving life-changing for many cancer patients.

Whatever you do to make this festive season special, please know that your dc will always treasure their own personal memories of all of the Christmases they've enjoyed with you and I hope you have many more to come.

Flowers Wine Cake Stay well and stay focused.

kateandme · 21/10/2019 19:14

buy a pile of disposable cameras so everyone can take millions of photos throughout the day.
if your dd loves cooking what about putting your fave recipes in a book for them.or upt the day coould you have a massive baking sessions.any excess food could easily be given away around xmas times.
a photo blanket.
making teddies with your clothes for all of them to have.(companys out there do this for you)
memory box.
my cousin made a box for her kids to be opened next christmas.it had pressies,cards.pjs and songs and a video for them.
a lovely mug for each of them to keep and feel settled whenever they use in the future.

kateandme · 21/10/2019 19:15

i see many of the things ive put have been put before by other clever posters so sorry about that.

Woodlandwitch · 21/10/2019 19:16

So teary reading this.
Love how your positivity in spite of the prognosis is coming through.

Your children will remember you for that.

I hope you have the best Christmas ever

Gazelda · 21/10/2019 19:17

So sorry for your news OP. It must be very hard for you. Do you have anyone close who you are confiding in?

As for creating memories for the DC. We always have pancakes for breakfast on Christmas morning. In fact, we have them on every special occasion - birthdays, Mother's Day etc.

Also, my own DM died when I wAs a tot, and I really wish I knew more about her own traditions as a child - her favourite Christmas song, when she and family put the decs up, a funny anecdote from the school nativity, whether she had a stocking or pillowcase etc. Give your DC memories from your own childhood.

Littlemeadow123 · 21/10/2019 19:17

A special christmas ornament for each child that they can have on their christmas tree every year to remind them of you?
Like others have said, write down recipes etc that they'd like and take lots of pictures.

Dowser · 21/10/2019 19:27

Just before my mum went into a care home with dementia in 2012 I started to write the book of my life so my grandchildren knew their roots and the lovely families they came from

I never wrote another word when she went in and she’s been gone there years next week.
I must start on the project again

Is that something you could also do

I love the way you’re feeling fine right now op, I really hope that energy lasts.

Candymay · 21/10/2019 19:27

Gosh I’m so terribly sorry to read this post. Nothing I can think of to say that doesn’t sound trite.
I do think it’s wonderful that you have all your children though-despite how awfully sad this must be, it’s lovely that you have your family to live on.
Everyone here have offered so many really good ideas.
The most stand out thing is that your positive optimism and love will mean so much to your children. They will always remember that. And they will go on to be very special people themselves.
I hope for the best for all of you.

Littlemeadow123 · 21/10/2019 19:28

Also theres loads of lists online for countdowns to christmas - starting with the 1st of December, each one has a different activity to do together.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 21/10/2019 19:28

Sorry haven’t RTFT yet

My DM died when I was 16, also of cancer one thing I wished I knew more about was her as a child and young adult, what she liked and did. Could you talk a bit about Christmas when you were young and what you remember.
Flowers

Dowser · 21/10/2019 19:30

I love this build a bear idea
What a wonderful thing to do
I’ve also seen the teddies made from clothes and they were fabulous
Even if a bit pricey..about £65

SpiderCharlotte · 21/10/2019 19:30

OP, I'm so sorry.

Take lots of photos, lots of videos all with you in them.

When my mum had terminal cancer, she wrote my sister and me a letter each to be given to us the first Christmas without her and it's the thing I treasure most in the world.

Everything I would have suggested has already been suggested on here, but I just want to say that I hope you have a wonderful Christmas with your lovely family. x

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 21/10/2019 19:31

I'm so sorry Flowers

I love the idea of a special Christmas bauble. I lost my Mum 2 years ago and when we were clearing out her home we found a bauble from her childhood. I kept it and it has pride of place on our tree and I think of her when I look at it.

I also like the idea of Build a Bear, even for the older children.

EstebanTheMagnificent · 21/10/2019 19:33

I’m so sorry, OP.

I echo the idea of recipes to pass down - and if you possibly can, consider hand writing them. There is something about a hand-written text which is such a tangible connection to someone.

I hope that you have a peaceful, joyous Christmas together.

TeaMeBasil · 21/10/2019 19:36

Oh this has made me cry, I'm so sorry for you and your family.

The recipe idea is so so important. I have a couple my mum used to make that I love to do, but there are really ordinary normal dishes I've never even attempted just because I don't know how my mum made them, and I want them to taste like hers. So I just remember hers. And I know she would just laugh if she knew that's the reason I've never ever made Shepherd's Pie Blush

There are loads of brilliant ideas on this thread. Whatever you do, don't put too much pressure on yourself. I remember my mums last Christmas so well (she loved Christmas like a big kid) and it will all be everything to your kids no matter what you do or don't do - it will be perfect.

SmellbowSmellbow123 · 21/10/2019 19:36

I don’t know if this has been suggested as there are lots of lengthy replies - but, get a plain white table cloth and some fabric markers. All of you do a section each relevant to Christmas and family. It can then be used for years following and future family members can add their bit.

Dowser · 21/10/2019 19:37

Your thread has touched me so much op
I would gladly go through the rest of my life without a Christmas birthday, anniversary present etc if I could give you the gift of a long and healthy life
It’s probably a very unmumsnetty thing to say..but it comes from the heart

eddielizzard · 21/10/2019 19:37

So sorry Flowers, this must be incredibly hard.

I agree about the recipe book, and teach your older DC's how to cook their favourite meals. Because teaching them will be easier than them trying to read a recipe in 10 years time.

Nothing is ever as good as mum's cooking. The ultimate comfort food.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 21/10/2019 19:38

I have been thinking some more about what I really value as a memory of my DM. In my case it’s a battered old exercise book with notes of something we working on together. I can remember sitting next to her when she wrote it.

So I would suggest sitting and physically doing or making something Christmassy with each child individually that can be put away safely for future Christmases too. They won’t just have the object, they will also have the memory of making it with you.

Littlemeadow123 · 21/10/2019 19:47

Go to a cookware shop and let eah child choose a cookie cutter. Make christmas cookies when you all get home and take photos. Then all of the kids will have the cookie cutter and the photos as a reminder

Jaichangecentfoisdenom · 21/10/2019 19:49

So sorry to read of your prognosis, @SharpandShineyTeeth Flowers

Like lots of others, I love the family recipe book idea. Also, (apologies if already suggested above, I've just skim-read the other responses), if your family likes Christmas pudding, or Christmas cake, could you make your own and initiate a family "Stir-Up Sunday" where everyone adds to the cake, or stirs the pudding, that will be a tradition for future Christmases, with your own recipe with your family variations in the recipe book? And perhaps with a special token you've chosen in place of the old traditional sixpenny piece? (Sorry, I only know about Stir-Up Sunday from The Archers, but I'm sure it's this month or next, so you still have time!) If you choose a fruit-cake, you could all "feed" it regularly between now and Christmas Day!

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