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Original poster

Yet another fecking gift experience that is useless

259 replies

Jaggypinecone · 19/10/2019 11:27

I am utterly sick of these. I know they are well intentioned but I have never used any yet as they are too far away or just not our thing.

I'd hoped to avoid this happening again by 'having the conversation' with the person who usually buys me one for Xmas but it arrived early as he can't make it home for Xmas this year.

When you think about it, it's basically telling someone how you think they should spend their time. Time is the most precious gift of all and I don't want to spend mine shoehorning an afternoon tea for two at some shitty hotel or a fecking segway trip into my already busy schedule. It was bought down in London so is London centric. Given I live in the Scottish Highlands the nearest thing is in Edinburgh - sigh!

Straight to charity shop. And I'll need to 'have the conversation' well before xmas time next year. Any advice on how best to word this?

OP posts:
LisaSimpsonsbff · 20/10/2019 22:01

But it's one of the reasons I stopped exchanging gifts with friends. I was half convinced the same £20 note was just going round in circles. At that point it becomes really really silly.

When I got married I put the £100 that one couple had given us straight out of our card from them into our card to them for their wedding the following week - it did feel a bit silly!

FelicisNox · 20/10/2019 22:08

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Original poster
Jaggypinecone · 20/10/2019 22:19

If you’d read my OP you’ll see that I had intended to COMMUNICATE but getting a Xmas pressie mid October kind of put the kybosh on that. And you’re being very, very judgemental about my ‘zero’ life and dislike of travel. What an assumption to make!

OP posts:
CallarMorvern · 20/10/2019 22:27

We've only had one of these, we didn't use it as we would have had to pay for a hotel, plus travel costs (it was a 4x4 driving day, miles away). We couldn't afford it. Giving a gift that requires someone to spend money they might not have is not thoughtful, it's actually unkind.

Emz834 · 20/10/2019 22:36

I hate things like that. I'd rather have nothing too Grin

Willow2017 · 20/10/2019 22:40

FelicisNox

Get over yourself!
Ops friend knows where she lives and there for should know she can't just pop down to London for an hour or two ffs!
Of course it's useless to her. Nobody is going to spend a fortune and a days traveling to go somewhere for an hour or so.
Who.on esth gives a gift that will cost the recipient 2 or 3 times the cost just to go.there?
And if her best friend lives next door it's equally useless to her!

Who made you the police on what someone's life should be? There are plenty things to do in the highlands you don't need to go to bloody London to have a good life. Going away on a planned holiday is one thing (op never said she never goes anywhere) but having to plan days away on someone else's say so (and these things are always through the week that's why they are 'offers' (but usually more expensive than booking direct)) is not always an option nor wanted.

Yet another person who thinks thier lifestyle is the only one and everyone else is doing it wrong.
If I lived in the highlands I wouldn't want to leave either.

AutumnRose1 · 20/10/2019 22:58

"The fact you live in the middle of nowhere and don't travel or enjoy afternoon tea/spas because you basically have zero life is on you and the hotels for these things are rarely "shitty"."

Jaw on the floor at the lack of acceptance of different lifestyles. Are you 12?

I'm in London. My parents were gifted one of these and it was surprisingly crap. We're not posh by any stretch but it was like the hotel saw the voucher and served up half an afternoon tea!

smilingontheinside · 20/10/2019 22:59

You can usually change the "experience" for something more suited to you and your area. Check where it is from (red letter/debenhams etc) & check online/call or check the blurb that comes with gift. I had one for something I hate but changed it for something near to home and more my thing.

Bluesunglasses · 20/10/2019 23:06

I would love a spa day, and I mentioned it in passing to a family member. So when they gifted me a 2 day spa pass, at first I was thrilled, until upon further investigation, it was a 6 hr train journey away, so quite expensive, and I'd have to pay to stay at the hotel the spa was based at (also expensive), or at a Premier in half an hours drive from the spa (I don't own a car). Considering I have no disposable income I was quite deflated and had to let her know that although I was so grateful and would have loved to go, I couldn't use it, and she was the one who was offended... She's made a point of not getting gifts for me or my DC ever since.

Aunaturalmama · 20/10/2019 23:25

Not everybody can be a good gift giver! I would just give it away personally bad bite my tongue.

PancakeAndKeith · 20/10/2019 23:31

The fact you live in the middle of nowhere and don't travel or enjoy afternoon tea/spas because you basically have zero life is on you and the hotels for these things are rarely "shitty".

What a hateful thing to say.

So because the op lives somewhere that is difficult to get to and from she has zero life. What do you do that is so amazing?

And yes, something that the op can’t use is a shitty present.

Tarkus · 20/10/2019 23:57

The fact you live in the middle of nowhere and don't travel or enjoy afternoon tea/spas because you basically have zero life is on you and the hotels for these things are rarely "shitty".

As I said earlier I checked out what the options were for someone living in central Edinburgh- hardly the middle of nowhere. The afternoon tea options were very limited and not one of them had any "wow" factor.

Apologies to Café Rouge, but as another poster said, where it was her only available option, it's perfectly serviceable but it's an every day option. It's hardly tea at The Ritz.

Tarkus · 21/10/2019 00:02

But it's one of the reasons I stopped exchanging gifts with friends. I was half convinced the same £20 note was just going round in circles. At that point it becomes really really silly

There was definitely a bottle of Lutomer Laski Riesling which did the rounds of many flat warming parties I attended in the early 80s. I received it and passed it on.

BlackCatSleeping · 21/10/2019 01:01

Honestly, I'm very careful about gift giving these days. I hate being wasteful and I don't particularly like getting random gifts. I'm happy just getting a card or a message on Facebook. Maybe that sounds sad, but it's less stressful for me. My parents are in a similar boat. There's nothing they really want or need, and they hate being burdened with stuff. Someone recently gave me mum a gift voucher for John Lewis, but she couldn't think what to buy there and anything she did buy meant having to add extra money. In the end a friend bought the card off her and she was quite relieved.

This Christmas, I will just buy gifts for the kids and myself. I'd much rather treat myself to something I really want than try to guess what friends and family would want.

Crede · 21/10/2019 03:21

These gifts are neither crappy nor thoughtless

How is it a thoughtful gift when it's not something she will enjoy and will cost a lot of time and money to get to?

Yanbu op, I'm another one who lives up in the Highlands, I wouldn't be going on a two day round trip just for some afternoon tea!

Topseyt · 21/10/2019 03:45

You are not being ungrateful. This friend is not thinking things through.

Experience gifts are not everyone's cup of tea, and certainly common sense should dictate that a ticket for an event in London is totally impractical for someone living in the Scottish Highlands.

If he insists on buying gifts then you will just have to state somehow over the next few months what type of gift would be best for you.

Vivianebrookskoviak · 21/10/2019 04:32

I hear you, OP.

Not much point in a useless gift, it's just so they can say they got you 'something'!

I had a gift card last year from a family friend for a birthday. They gave me money the year before so it was a disappointment they gave me a gift card for their favourite shop. I think what I spent the money on the previous year was why,silent disapproval.
I didn't spend it.

You could try regifting it or charity.
Giving it you that early makes me think they thought you might say something and gave you it before you could raise an objection!

Teacher22 · 21/10/2019 05:05

I think experience gifts are ghastly and it would upset me to think that someone spent money on one for me that could have bought something I liked. Experiences usually cost the recipient time, money and frustration to expend the token. Many of the experiences are nit what I would choose, either. I might like afternoon tea to the extent of having a cup of tea and one of the mini cakes (who eats sandwiches at tea time?) but my idea of hell is a spa or beauty treatment or, say, a parachute jump.

So, OP, I think you are perfectly reasonable and not at all ungrateful to be upset at a thoughtless gesture.

Teacher22 · 21/10/2019 05:05

Nit? Not.

Chapellass · 21/10/2019 06:28

It sounds frustrating but your comment re charity gave me an idea. I wonder if a women's refuge in London area could regift the voucher? You might need the gift company to agree. Mumsnetters in the area may have some contacts. Just a thought in case it made it feel less futile / useless.

InFiveMins · 21/10/2019 06:51

I would never buy anyone an "experience". One Xmas a relative spent £160 on an experience day for me and DP - I was furious they would waste so much money on something we didn't want or need! We ended up donating it to friends.

BarbaraofSeville · 21/10/2019 07:02

You could simply re-gift it with zero fuss

Or people could stop giving expensive gifts when there is simply no need.

Most people have money to buy what they want, when they want, within reason, and if they don't, they don't want to get into a cycle of exchanging often useless luxuries that may not be right for them for whatever reason when their money could be better spent buying their own essentials or treats for themselves/their DC of their own choosing.

Of course it's nice to exchange gifts, but do it at a token level - bottle of wine, bunch of flowers, box of chocolates. And then if it's not right, it can often be regifted or if not, the level of waste is so much less. And you don't get someone struggling to put food on the table either sat there looking at a spa voucher that is going to cost them money to use, or feeling obliged to spend money they don't have because someone else has imposed their need to go shopping and buy crap on them, because that's what I think this is all about some times.

Some people like shopping and spending money, and see buying gifts for other people as another opportunity to do that. Without thinking about the consequences.

shinynewapple · 21/10/2019 07:13

Mostly I am in agreement OP. At least a gift you don't really like such as toiletries, clothing can be of use to someone via a charity shop.

However- a few years ago DH gave me a spa day voucher when I was going through a stressful time. I thanked him but thought to myself 'great - another thing to do' and didn't use the voucher until a couple of days before it ran out. But I was so glad I did - really relaxing and although something I'd never have chosen for myself I loved it.

Original poster
Jaggypinecone · 21/10/2019 07:18

@Barberaofseville

You have summed it up perfectly. A token, fine but this expensive wastefulness is just so unnecessary. And I’ve tried to convey this many times but now I’m going to have to have an awkward conversation with someone who has known me for years but still doesn’t ‘get’ me.

OP posts:
ArtichokeAardvark · 21/10/2019 07:25

I'm with OP... DH and I were given one of these as a joint present from his sister last Christmas. She openly admitted she couldn't think of anything else to give us, so bought a couple's experience day.

DH is a big rugby playing type. Spa days and afternoon teas are REALLY not his thing and he'd be even grumpier about having to travel miles to go to it. The alternatives are all local 'tacky tourist' type things that we've either already done with visiting friends or that we'd rather stick pins in our eyes than do.

It's just lazy gifting. "Oh, I can't think of what to give you but I have to give you SOMETHING so here, chuck £50 at a company who know full well masses of their vouchers won't be used and can make a fat profit from it."

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