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Original poster

What do you ACTUALLY judge mothers on?

358 replies

Ketomeato · 16/10/2019 19:55

Inspired by the child in the buggy thread, I realised I hardly judge anything really, mainly because I have an unruly child with additional needs so in our house, pretty much anything goes. You have to be kind, and you have to wear pants. And that’s it.

What does anyone actually judge about, regarding parents with young children?

OP posts:
lookingfortreasure · 17/10/2019 06:28

I don't judge the phones in pushchair thing. My son from about 18 months wouldn't get in the pushchair, he wanted to walk and I did let him walk some of the way, but you can't get anywhere. So I would let him listen to nursery rhymes or watch them on my phone. He only watched it twice a day and no tv or screens at home. Often he'd fall asleep. Like another poster said it's a snap shot. I'm sure there are parents with the TV on at home all day and you know what, there are probably worst things that could happen. It really depends what else they do and the other interactions in their day.

I mean if a child was in a car seat in the back you aren't interacting with them whilst you drive. So I don't see much difference with being in the pushchair forward facing and at least they are getting fresh air.

Headingforwindermere · 17/10/2019 06:29

Parents who constantly reward, punish and bribe.
Parents who buy lots of stuff for their kids. Plastic tat every time they go shopping.
Parents who are bringing up kids who think that if they behave well they deserve something. Raising little materialustic consumerists!
Yes they might have good manners/ rarely tantrum, because they are given everything they want (or a snack or a screen).

Fallofrain · 17/10/2019 06:40

The way people talk to and about their DC. Im not talking about people who have an off moment, are ranting or snap, but the people who have a consistant way of talking to them and about them. To be honest i judge all people on how they talk about others anyway

I work in mental health and with families linked with learning disability teams so whilst somethings make me cringe eg. Ignoring children creating mayhem in a restaurant, im very aware that peoples parenting choices might be the best approach at that time for them for a miriad of reasons that im not privvy to.

I once read something about not assuming malice when ignorance is far more likely.

Lots of things mentioned before eg. Early weaning, inappropriate baby cariers etc make me cringe but not judge. Baby carriers are a perfect example of where lots of people arent deliberately ignoring hip guidelines, its just that the carriers are widely sold, and theres limited info unless you seek it out. Aswell as the whole not knowing their reasoning, i try to remember that theres things i dont know that might make others cringe.

I try to anyway

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Kyvia · 17/10/2019 07:00

not assuming malice when ignorance is far more likely

That’s a good maxim in general.

However, as this is a judgey thread....Smile

Aside from all the obvious abusive behaviour/endangering child health points many have agreed on, I am happy to confess (on an anonymous forum!) that I judge parents who dress their tiny girls as overtly feminine stereotypes and in restrictive clothing choices that are miniature versions of adult fashion clothing. I’ve not seen it done to tiny boys but then adult male clothing tends to be a bit more sensible anyway. For example I spent the day at a family bbq, and family with 3 under 5s were there - now I am generally pretty impressed that they’re all dressed and clean etc at all with 3 under 5, but there was stark contrast - little boys in trainers, shorts and T-shirts, free to run around and play all afternoon safely and unencumbered. T-shirts have slogans about being naughty/cheeky. Little girl dressed in strappy sandals (with a heel!), short frilly skirt, and a glittery top with a slogan about being pretty on it. Fell over when she was trying to play with her brothers and got upset when her skirt blew up and showed her knickers.

I judged MN, I judged hard. Didn’t say anything to the parents obv but had a good rant to DP on the way home!

Fournearlyfive · 17/10/2019 07:05

I can't believe some people say they don't judge.

Some kids lead truly shit lives due to their parents behaviour, believe me I know some and have reported their "mother". Some people need judging tbh. I don't mean some of the stuff on here about being in nappies at 2 (Confused) or tablets at restaurant tables i'm talking about talking to your kids like shit, slapping the shit out of them, no affection, not meeting their basic needs and then still getting pregnant every year or 2 and leaving the older ones to drag themselves up.

Of course you judge! I am not an "arsehole" for doing so and neither are PPs

DappledThings · 17/10/2019 07:08

Yes the majority of 2 year olds are still in nappies during the day these days but I don't agree with it and I judge. It's weird to have a 2 year old soiling themselves

HV told us that anytime between 2 and 3 was then right time to be toilet training. So anything before 2 is really quite unusual.

candlefloozy · 17/10/2019 07:09

Hate children in pubs with school uniform on. Sorry.

DappledThings · 17/10/2019 07:15

Hate children in pubs with school uniform on

What's wrong with that? What if you fancy having dinner out after school one say so you pop to the pub? In our village the pub is next to the school so I can see that happening for us a few times after DC1 starts next year.

57Varieties · 17/10/2019 07:28

Yes the majority of 2 year olds are still in nappies during the day these days but I don't agree with it and I judge. It's weird to have a 2 year old soiling themselves

If it’s the majority could it be then that - gasp - this is just normal child development? Why would you judge a child for developing at their normal pace? Do you judge a 6 month old for not walking?

edgeofheaven · 17/10/2019 07:28

Parents of young primary children who don't enforce a bedtime and then inflict their sleep-deprived cranky children on teachers and classmates.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 17/10/2019 07:32

I judge parents who smoke while pushing the buggy.

I judge parents who I hear refusing something their kids are nagging for over and over and over and then eventually they just go "fine! Have it/do it" etc. Just give in whinge one. Now they have a length of winge time they know works and will always do it.

Either give them the thing straight away and bloody own it, or refuse and stand bloody firm!

x2boys · 17/10/2019 07:34

Wow disposable s arnt you a delightHmm most two year olds are still in nappies most don't have a disability ,yes mothers may have put there children in underwear much earlier in days gone by it doesn't mean they were reliably toilet trained and most use disposables .

57Varieties · 17/10/2019 07:36

Also - “homeschooling” /“unschooling”.

I can understand it if your child perhaps has special needs and can’t cope in school but otherwise - nope. How can anyone think they’re remotely equipped to do a job a teacher has spent years learning to do.

Also - “free range parenting”

People who post screenshots of their amazing life on Instagram and patronise the rest of us

The Radford parents in general

newbie222 · 17/10/2019 07:37

I judge parents if they turn up to the school gates with armfuls of sweets and donuts for their kids after school - is this really necessary?

57Varieties · 17/10/2019 07:37

Oh and how could I forget the main one - anti vaxxers. Just fuck off.

57Varieties · 17/10/2019 07:39

On the nappy front, I’d judge a mother a lot more if they were letting their child piss and shit themselves frequently by forcing them into pants at some arbitrary age rather than letting them develop at their own rate.

57Varieties · 17/10/2019 07:40

And not just a mother sorry, a parent in general. Still half asleep!

Thegracefuloctopus · 17/10/2019 07:44

I judge those who feed their kids organic food only and rely on 'smashed avo on toast' and Instagram it every time and don't allow their kids to eat anything remotely sugary or treat like. These tend to also be the ones who push their kids to do things before they're ready. Like toilet train at 1 Hmm and get mad when the child can't do it/doesn't understand. But the frustration never makes it onto Instagram... Only the picture of the child sitting proudly on a potty having been placed there with the camera ready to go

While I don't advocate tea in bottles, walking ahead of the kids who keep stopping etc, I think keep your nose out unless it's detrimental to the child (e.g neglectful things - new boyfriend every 5 days who moves in because he's 'the one', drinking and drugs when the only adult in charge).

No one knows what goes on behind closed doors and while you see they one time they've whispered under their breath "fucking kids", you haven't seen that's the 12th thing the kids pulled off the shelf and asked for that day while the parent is walking around with a calculator making sure they stay within budget so they can afford the ice cream at the park with the kids friends who will all have one tomorrow.

Teddy275 · 17/10/2019 07:44

Try not to for day to day things, but massively found myself judging a parent for pulling out a potty on the side of a main road for her 2/3yo to sit on.Now I am guilty of a few public potty stops with my two but the potty was practically on the kerb as cars whizzed past.
I'm sure she felt like as she was supervising then her child wouldn't run into the road but I couldn't help but think about the consequences if a car suddenly mounted the pavement etc.
Such a little moment, and yes. I know there is much worse in the world. X

LookImAHooman · 17/10/2019 07:48

I mean this 100% genuinely and am not just writing it for effect: next time I worry about my DC being judged for being in nappies by strangers (and I know I shouldn’t). I’m going to remember hopity’s post. A lot easier to give your own head a wobble when such judgment comes from someone speak such abject batshittery Smile

minorwomenswhiplashlynne · 17/10/2019 07:48
  • Parents who smoke in the vicinity of children.
  • parents who don't read to or listen to their child reading or support their learning, thinking it's the job if teachers or someone else and then wonder/ are outraged why their child is falling behind.
WalkAwaySugarbear · 17/10/2019 07:50

Weak assed parenting. Repeating the child's name sweetly will not stop them trashing the place, hitting kids, running off etc.

Similarly screaming a tirade of vicious words at them, future therapy or violent outbursts right there.

user1493413286 · 17/10/2019 07:52

Fournearlyfive I guess what I mean when I say I don’t judge is that I don’t judge people in the street (apart from blatantly abusive behaviour) who i know nothing about. Whereas if I know a family’s situation and that children are being harmed then it’s very different.
My job is working in child protection and even within that context there’s a lot of emphasis on not judging people and instead trying to help and improve things

57Varieties · 17/10/2019 07:53

Some people need judging tbh.

Well exactly. I remember when my eldest was a baby and I was beating myself up about not BF there was a news item about 2 arseholes who has left their methadone lying around and then their poor baby drank it and died. Damn right I judge fuckwits like that, having methadone in the house in the first place far less in reach of a baby!

x2boys · 17/10/2019 07:59

hoipty*