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Original poster

Christmas quandary no invite this year for grandparents.

115 replies

justasking111 · 14/10/2019 17:49

As grandparents we have been expected to visit one or other of the children and their little ones for the last few years. One DIL is assuming we are going to the other DIL this year she is having her own family over.

The thing is we have not been invited to the other DILs. So should we just crack on and do our own little xmas. OH will be upset, so I am keeping this under my hat, but it is going to come to a head eventually.

What would you do to avert bad feelings.

OP posts:
GorkyMcPorky · 14/10/2019 17:50

Just out of interest, why is the situation your DILs' doing?

PurpleDaisies · 14/10/2019 17:51

Any you invite them to come to you?

PurpleDaisies · 14/10/2019 17:52

That should start with “can’t”.

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Events & celebrations
SleepingStandingUp · 14/10/2019 17:53

Talk to your sons and ask if they'd like you to come or if thry want a year alone??

Spied · 14/10/2019 17:54

Invite other Dil to yours by instead of waiting or hinting for an invite?
Dil may take you up on offer or may ask you to hers if she knows you will be at a loose end.
If you don't want to or aren't able to host and don't receive an invite then how about you and OH going to a restaurant for dinner this year?

SallyWD · 14/10/2019 17:54

I'd make your own plans and then if one of them invites you you can always cancel your plans. I'm also curious as to why you're only referring to DILs and not your sons? Anyway, hope you have a lovely Christmas whatever you do!

Original poster
justasking111 · 14/10/2019 17:54

Not sure what some of you are saying. But we would have them with us their little ones want to be in their own home on christmas morning, which is perfectly understandable. We have had them to our house on boxing day.

OP posts:
Stompythedinosaur · 14/10/2019 17:55

I think you can choose between speaking to your sons about it, or having christmas on your own.

It sounds like you are blaming your dils which is not really fair.

Justmuddlingalong · 14/10/2019 17:55

Have your sons no input. Or is it just your DIL's who are not inviting you?

Original poster
justasking111 · 14/10/2019 17:56

Other DIL will be having her own sis and partner up for xmas. and we could not fit everyone in here.

OP posts:
PotteringAlong · 14/10/2019 17:57

It’s only October! Have you asked what the plans are for Christmas this year? It doesn’t need to be a drama, just ask!

Original poster
justasking111 · 14/10/2019 17:58

We still have one DC who will be home for xmas, no way would they go out on xmas day to a restaurant. Nor would OH.

OP posts:
EggysMom · 14/10/2019 18:01

One DIL is assuming we are going to the other DIL this year she is having her own family over.

I find it odd that you lay this at your DILs doors. Do you not talk to your sons?

Original poster
justasking111 · 14/10/2019 18:01

My sons do not really get involved in xmas. It would be awful to lean on them to wangle an invite. You are either welcome or you are not.

My DILs are lovely women busy with young children so perhaps feel they can only cope with so much on the day.

We would not be sleeping over just coming for the present opening and a meal.

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 14/10/2019 18:02

Have you actually invited them or just assumed they don’t want to come?

leafyskyline · 14/10/2019 18:02

Are your DSs deceased OP, as you've made no mention of them?

PurpleDaisies · 14/10/2019 18:03

My sons do not really get involved in xmas.

Hmm

And your happy for them to let their wives carry all the mental load?

leghairdontcare · 14/10/2019 18:04

If you don't want to talk to your children then I would assume you're spending Christmas at your house. Thankfully it's only October so plenty of time to buy a turkey.

Justmuddlingalong · 14/10/2019 18:04

They're maybe having a change this year. I'm sure you can cope doing your own thing.

alexdgr8 · 14/10/2019 18:05

why would you n yours not consider going to a restaurant, or maybe a hotel, by the seaside for few days. they do very festive xmas.
and why are you talking about what your DILs have / not arranged.
can't you talk to your sons, you make them sound like children, told what to do by their wives....

Janaih · 14/10/2019 18:06

hello dil and son. have you thought about what you're doing for Xmas day? would you like to come to us?

TheBrockmans · 14/10/2019 18:06

Could you plan to go away the three of you and use that as a way of checking what the plans for the other family are. Alternatively get involved in volunteering.

user1493494961 · 14/10/2019 18:07

Where do your sons fit in to all this?

raisinseverywhere · 14/10/2019 18:07

Really mean and out of order to ask if her ds’s are deceased! In my family the women generally organise the social arrangements.
You cannot have it both ways. You can’t expect women to treat their DDs and DIL the same, or their DM and MIL the same, but then also expect someone to ignore their DIL’s arrangers and expect their DS’s be be the ones to organise as they are the blood relations.

Sorry to derail, but this really annoys me.

Aquamarine1029 · 14/10/2019 18:07

Why are you placing all the burden on your DIL's? It's ridiculous that you won't speak to your sons about this. Their wives are NOT their mummy or social secretary. My MIL used to treat me like this and it was absolutely infuriating. She even called ME once to have me remind her son to call him more. Ffs, don't be one of these MIL's.