Anxiety. Far more prevalent today? Overused term?

[Miljah]

I barely open any thread on MN now concerning an issue someone has where they haven't used the word 'anxiety'.

I think of anxiety being a (diagnosed) disproportionate fear reaction that overwhelms your life like the Generalised Anxiety Disorder described on the NHS website.

Of course, I know that more or less everyone has the odd moment of fear- it's a useful thing, adrenaline kicks in, your fight/flight reaction; that helps you overcome whatever it is that initiated your fear reaction.

But I suspect we are trivialising the medical condition of GAD, as described in the link, by chucking the term 'anxiety' around so freely.

I was just reading about a young adult, first year uni, who phoned her mum at 4.30am because she thought she could smell burning; mother found the number of the Halls security and mum called it herself. And it was duly sorted out.

But people who asked why the DD hadn't begun to deal with it locally herself was met with 'Oh, daughter has anxiety'.... is that anxiety or lack of gumption?

Are we infantalising our youngsters by excusing such behaviour by labelling it 'anxiety'?

I've been diagnosed with generalised anxiety and was on medication for several years. I still hold down a professional job, make phone calls and go out on my own. I speak to strangers and make small talk with them everyday. To the outside world I probably don't look remotely like someone who has anxiety.

However those people cannot see inside my head. They don't know the thoughts that keep me up at night or disturb my sleep or stop me eating properly.

Anxiety can also impact different parts of your life in different ways. At work I can speak to strangers, make phone calls and deal with six figure sums without feeling remotely anxious. However it took me a month to get around the mental block of calling my car insurance company about cancelling a policy. I severely dislike going to medical appointments alone and have been known to ask my mum to come with me at the age of 30 because otherwise I just won't show up. I bury my head in the sand over lots of things because facing up to the situation makes me feel so overwhelmed I couldn't get out of bed.

Please don't judge people on a simple snapshot of their lives. You have no idea what's going on inside peoples heads, or how much they go through at home in order to be professional on the outside.

I agree with you OP. I do think the term anxiety is thrown around far too frequently, particularly in schools and I say this as a teacher. Of course there are some pupils who do genuinely suffer with anxiety in a medical term sense and clearly need help, but there are more and more pupils coming to us saying they’ve got anxiety (almost daily) when really, in my view, it is just normal teenage life. E.g exams, falling out with friends/parents/boyfriends/girlfriends, being asked to work hard etc. This is normal life. Without the lows you can’t have the highs. At school we are specifically looking at how we can teach grit and resilience to our pupils as many seem to really lack this and it is a skill they will almost certainly need in their adult life after school.

OP, I couldn't agree more. Real anxiety disorders must be ghastly to live with but they become trivialised and merged into the "my anxiety" excuse for not doing anything which requires any effort or a push outside one's comfort zone.

Not all anxiety is pathological. It's a necessary part of driving us to action and achievement. Doing things about which one feels anxious (within reasonable limits, obviously) is part of developing resilience.

A school I know has several girls who are "too anxious" to go to assembly. No adult I know can remember anyone ever being "too anxious" for assembly before this sort of thing was pandered to: in the absence of some diagnosed disorder it's just attention seeking.

How can we teach our children to be more resilient?

I agree that there's a misunderstanding of anxiety. I've been suffering with it over a few years and if I mention to work colleagues that I'm going through a bad patch they just don't get it. They equate it to some occasion where they've felt a bit worried about something. And I feel like I am being judged for not coping like they do.

I've had depression and severe chronic pain but, for me, anxiety is the worst thing I have ever experienced.

Thank you op. I've noticed this myself and have often thought of posting something on it but couldn't get the wording right without it coming off as offensive.

I completely agree the term is overused. I think everyone worries about different things. For some it's talking to people, for others they worry about driving, minding kids, making phone calls, the dentist etc but saying you have anxiety because you relate to one or two of these is ridiculous.

I agree with you OP. I think GAD is a real disorder that lots of other people jump on board to try to excuse their behaviour / get out of things. I was told earnestly once by someone that they knew they "had anxiety" because they hated job interviews and meeting new people made them nervous. Er, no love. Everyone feels that way - certain situations do make you feel anxious but that doesn't mean you "have anxiety". In the same way I hate people who are fussy saying "I'm really OCD about that" (NO you do not have OCD which is a crippling condition and having worked with young people suffering from it I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy), people who claim they have ADHD because they don't like sitting still (again, experience here - ADHD is a hell of a lot more than getting up multiple times during a film) and the increasing trend I've seen on mn to excuse a partner's arsehole-ish behaviour because they might be "on the spectrum". There's a lot of minimising and frankly offensive attitudes to mh issues around although I suppose it is good that there is greater awareness of them generally.

I would disagree in my experience offline, i have anxiety and i remember meeting several others in counselling sessions who also found anxiety more minimised then over used. Online perhaps, i see it mentioned a lot which is opposite to my experience.

In fact the amount of people who when I've admitted i have anxiety have dismissed it by comparing it to a moment they had nerves (before an interview, test, presentation etc) and saying everyone has it. Er no not everyone sees intrusive pictures of family and friends hurt and gets ill from it.

Rereading your OP, i think i got the wrong end of the stick. I agree people are quick to dismiss real anxiety and claim their nerves are on parr with it.

If people like OP feel it's more prevalent today than ever, maybe we should be looking at the generations who raised the current ones?

In other words, who is raising children to have so little resilience that they can't cope with going to assembly or with sitting in an exam hall?

Or is not the parents/societies fault at all? If not, then why does it happen? Is it (gasp) perhaps a genuine disorder that is just becoming more understood and diagnosed as mental health issues become more "accepted"?

It probably is more prevalent today, and we are starting to understand it better, and accept it more. But I don't think that's the point. Would it better to say that 100% of people have anxiety, i.e the entire population of the world, (because at some stage in their lives they felt anxious)? Or should that be separated from someone who has genuine issues that they hide in order to live a normal life. I personally think there is, and should be, a difference.

Online perhaps, i see it mentioned a lot which is opposite to my experience.

Perhaps because online is more anonymous? And because people with anxiety aren't particularly likely to discuss it - they're probably prone to worrying and overthinking and want advice from strangers who can't judge them in real life.

I would never mention my anxiety in real life because I don't want the judgement that comes with it (as seen on threads like this) to affect how people see me in a professional capacity. Sadly many people still don't accept mental health conditions as being genuine illnesses and you are judged accordingly - either for not behaving in the "right" way for someone with your condition, or for using it as an excuse to "get out" of various things.

It's much easier to stay quiet.

How can we teach our children to be more resilient?

Personally I think this needs to come from greater security.

So an education system that celebrates all forms of achievement. Celebration of difference. Make schools "warmer and cosier" especially Infant and Primary schools. Less testing, and setting of levels. And much more creativity - even in arts my DC were very much taught how to eg. paint rather than allowed time to explore.
But society as a whole becoming "kinder" would help. We used to celebrate diversity, and be proud of being multi-cultural. Now Diversity is another thing to be examined on.

Late to the party but I agree with you OP.

Sometimes people can be anxious about situations, it doesn't mean that they 'have anxiety'. Genuine anxiety is a crippling condition.

People may say they are 'a bit OCD'. No they are not. They may be particular and like things 'just so' but actual OCD can stop people leading normal lives.

My DM will say that she sometimes suffers from depression. No she doesn't. She may sometimes feel sad but invariably it's about something most people would feel sad about.

Misusing these terms minimises them so that people with the genuine conditions may be dismissed.

It is more common, but we also are not encouraging young people to develop resilience. Things go wrong, things make us worried, we have to change plans, but in today's society parents commonly step into assist their kids and teens so they don't learn the coping mechanisms they need for later life. My dd has asd and generalised anxiety, it's absolutely crippling yet I don't just do everything for her, she needs to develop skills (if would often be far quicker to do it/drive her/fix it/whatever.

Anxiety is real but I think at least a decent proportion is due to lack of preparation for adulthood

A school I know has several girls who are "too anxious" to go to assembly. No adult I know can remember anyone ever being "too anxious" for assembly before this sort of thing was pandered to: in the absence of some diagnosed disorder it's just attention seeking

I take offence at this. My 10 year old ds is struggling with anxiety at the moment. One of his big issues is school and he physically cannot go into assembly so his teachers have taken that pressure off and allowed him to do something else during assembly time.

Dh and I (and his teachers) witness daily his very real distress, physically and mentally he freezes and cannot face some things. For us, right now, the priority is that he manages to attend school and is supported- if that means missing assemblies or certain situations that are a trigger we accept that.

I would not want anyone to have to see their child struggle with this on a daily basis.

I think worried is an underused word.

to the student who called her mother about the burning. Why did the mother make the call? That is perpetuating the dependence and is anxiety inducing
I have suffered in the past, still have social anxiety, but it is the Term anxiety that is more common.
my relative had depression, that is also another term that is over used an misunderstood.
Anorexia and OCD also
otoh, bringing these issues out into the open instead of being secretive about them must be a good thing?

@user1480880826 I teach parenting classes aimed at those with children under 5 years of age.

Resilience building starts as young as you want. The aim is for a parent to empower their child to solve their own problems right from the start, as that when they're 18+ they can sort their own things out.

E.g 4yo ds comes to me upset saying "my picture got ripped!" Instead of me stopping everything and going into the playroom and getting him a fresh sheet of paper and doing it all for him I get down to his level, empathise, and say "oh dear. What do you think YOU can do to dolce your problem?".

It's so lovely to see him figuring out things for himself, imagining the synapsis in his brain connecting so as to help him remember next time. Then I give him lots of praise when he does figure it out.

I'm a gentle parent but my job is to raise independent humans. And I'd hate to be woken at 4.30am by my adult child for something like the OP describes (clinical diagnosis aside).

OP I am 100% with you. A few years ago it was the same with depression and that pissed me off. No love, you're not depressed, you're just a bit sad...

*solve not dolce

I was thinking about this the other week. I'm naturally quite an anxious person, I over think things and worry / catastrophise a lot, and I'm quite shy in social situations, don't like meeting new people or doing new things (as someone said above I often have to give myself a stern talking to!) etc. However I'd never describe myself as 'having anxiety' because I've never been diagnosed (and don't need to be), and tbh I get on with life perfectly well I'm just a bit of a nervous nelly.

I work with people who often say things like 'oh it's because of my anxiety / OCD / depression / dyslexia' and when the conversation continues they tell me they've never been diagnosed but they just "know" they have the condition.

It can't be helpful for people who genuinely have conditions that impede day to day living / for which they take medication and need understanding and support when Janet in accounts is claiming anxiety just because she's a bit nervous about a meeting or something, and Alan who has royally fucked up a report and is in trouble for it suddenly claims he has "number dyslexia" even though his whole job is fucking numbers and he's done it for years (this one is 100% true!).

I used to manage a team of 4 x 21 year olds. 3 of them claimed having anxiety / depression / panic attacks etc, only one had been diagnosed (which was absolutely genuine and for which she was rightly given a lot of support), the others seemed to use it as an excuse to cry hysterically and throw tantrums every time they were asked to do something they didn't like or if someone was 'mean' to them or they were put under pressure. It was bloody exhausting to manage and really exasperating for everyone that had to work with them.

But everyone does have anxiety. But not everyone has an anxiety disorder. Sounds similar but is entirely different.

Everyone gets anxious going into exams, or making important phone calls, or going to job interviews etc. And maybe they daughter at uni who could smell burning did feel anxious over calling 999 or someone in the halls and wanted the security of her mother to guide her. What's wrong with that? Doesn't mean she shouldn't be at uni, or living in halls. It is probably her first time away from home, she's still learning. You dont turn 18 and suddenly know how to adult in this world.

However I am pleased that anxiety and anxiety disorders are so much more recognised and understood nowadays. Every condition will always be abused by some by using it as an excuse not to do stuff, be is GAD, ASD, OCD, a broken leg or even a broken fingernail. There will always be that person who says "I can't do this because of xyz". But for those of us that have this condition, but want to live as normal a life as possible, all we ask is for a bit of understanding when things feel out of control. I appreciate that my husband never judged me when I spent our weeks holiday sleeping on the floor of my kids room as opposed to in our bed, because I was so terrified of our villa being broken into and our dc being kidnapped. Anxiety was never a thing when I was growing up, never talked about. And it took that incident in the villa to make me realise this really isn't normal thinking or behaviour and that's when I got help, because people understand it so much better now, and that's a brilliant thing.

I wasn't diagnosed until I was in my 30s but when I was at school, my school had a staircase with a huge stairwell in the middle, about 5 metres square where you could see from the top to the bottom. I was terrified at class changeover as thousands of us were pushing and shoving on these stairs, I was utterly convinced that my bullies were going to push me over the stairwell where I would fall four storeys to my death.

I was packed off to the GP to try to get help for why I was crying and vomiting every day and begging my mum not to send me to school. And he looked at me over his glasses and told me not to be ridiculous. That unfortunately school isn't always a pleasant experience, but it's not one you can opt out of and lots of the other pupils would be feeling the same. I remember at the time being so embarrassed that I had even told him. But...he was right. Loads of people who I saw day and daily at achool and thought were really happy have since told me as adults that they were weepy crying messes in the mornings as well. And my panicky feelings about school were not even remotely on the same level as the actual anxiety that ended with a diagnosis in my 30s.

I think that a good way of dealing with anxious teenagers might be to acknowledge that for a lot of people, school is not enjoyable. It's a grit your teeth and get through it experience. The worst thing about being unhappy at school was adults telling me that I had no idea about life and that it would only get worse. Which was utter bullshit, because life got a lot better after leaving school. But 14 year old me just wanted to die because I had been told that this was as good as it gets.

are they really experiencing mental health issues?

Unless you're a trained mental health professional and you've sat with them and done a full assessment, you don't know. If you don't know, then there's a moral responsibility to err on the side of kindness and consideration.

It's not OK to measure someone's experience of anxiety by one's own subjective experience, because 'anxiety' is an umbrella term that covers a number of different disorders. Someone upthread thought that if you go to a festival, you cannot have anxiety. This is incorrect. (It's unlikely they have agoraphobia, tbf, but there are lots of other disorders they could have)

It is probably her first time away from home, she's still learning.

To ring the fire service if you think a building is on fire? You can't be serious. Kids learn that in pre-school. I've never met a three year old who wouldn't know what to do in that situation.

I can understand ringing mum and dad if the radiator starts leaking, or a fuse blows, because it's not something you've come across before, but even children should know what to do if they think there might be a fire.