Can you help me word tricky conversation with in laws?

[AdamantEve]

About a month ago my in laws announced they had put a deposit down on a (UK based) holiday for next year for themselves and my two DC. They acknowledged they should have asked first but didn’t really explain why they hadn’t.
They have never had the DC overnight never mind for a week and find them tiring and hard to keep up with when they have them for a few hours. They are in their early 70s and youngest DC is 6. Ultimately, I don’t want the children to go as I have never been away from them for a week and wouldn’t let them go away with my own mum for a week either so although I have a lot of concerns about in laws being able to look after them, it isn’t solely down to that, I just want my children with me!
I am sure lots of people will say I should just let them go but it’s already making me feel stressed and I just want to let them know it’s not going to happen.
When they told me I was on the spot and didn’t really say anything apart from ‘oh, have you?’ I do regret not shutting it down there and then! DP won’t speak to them as he’s scared to rock the boat....
I’ll be seeing them tomorrow. Please help me phrase this so I offend them as little as possible.

How did the restaurant visit go @AdamantEve - were there any other demands laid before you?

All went well, no further demands as yet! Half term is approaching so I’m sure something will come up, I’ll be prepared this time though & encourage better dialogue between us when it comes to arranging time with the children (hopefully)

I get that in laws can be annoying, but some of the responses on here make me
Sad. I remember back to my own childhood, and my grandma was such an important person in my life, I loved her so much. Although my PIL and parents can annoy me sometimes with their overbearing attitude towards the kids, I try to facilitate their relationship as much as I can as they love my kids and my kids love them. My memories with my own grandma are the happiest of my childhood.

They sounds pretty pushy but can't really be blamed for a lot of this when your DP has apparently happily (from their point of view) agreed to a status quo of them being very involved with choosing what their GC have/do. They must feel like they're getting mixed messages.

You need a new status quo where any child related thing that GPs ask about gets a response of "maybe, will discuss with other parent and get back to you" so that everything is a joint decision between you and DP.

“ You need a new status quo where any child related thing that GPs ask about gets a response of "maybe, will discuss with other parent and get back to you" so that everything is a joint decision between you and DP.”

Really? If my mum had rung while I was out and said she wanted to take the children out to tea, and my dp has said “Maybe- I’ll discuss it with BR” I would have thought he was insane!

Arghhhhhhh your very lucky then Bertrand Russel.

I'd have thought same with my dh saying that to my mum, but my mum didn't push boundaries or announce she was doing things. There was an easy dialogue between us and I was happy to say no, and she was happy to take it.

Unfortunately in laws have been very pushy, announce things and like op the dh can't say no and doesn't have any easy dialogue so in these* precise situations it's critical that the parents put on a united front to send a very clear message to such pushy people... We are a unit, you cannot split us. It's also a delaying tactic.

However if you have had totally reasonable parents and in laws, you probably will not understand the dynamics of this sort of situation.

Relate counselling however always says present a united front especially when people are boundary pushers.

I wasn’t very lucky. I just didn’t see any need to be a gatekeeper between my children and their grandparents.

Yes Bertrand,,, because you didn't need to be the 'gate keeper'?

I'm so surprised you don't see the 'pattern' between the types of people who announce things and don't ask.... And who trample over boundaries and sons who can't say boo to a goose and will do anything to please and appease their parents?

Surely all the signs of healthy adult relationships are when adult children can openly communicate with their parents without causing offence and parents ask if they can take dc, baby sit whatever? And its OK to say no without sulks dramas or blame?? Or an already vilified dil taking the blame.

And.... Usually respectful people are usually kind, nice people who usually see lots of their gc because of those very reasons?

And the dil situations we see on mn are those with gp who demand... Who want want want.. No matter how their gc actually feels... Etc ect???
To me it's obvious but then again as said.. I've seen both sides?