When life just kicks you down over and over.

[mamasma]

Before we start iv been here years under a couple different names...naice ham,cancel the cheque,penis beaker.

I just need a rant,I need someone to tell me it's going to be fine,I just need someone to give me a handhold today,I have no one in "RL"now.

Here I am one week post surgery,struggling but getting there,Holding it together for my DD (5) in a lot of pain but pushing through.

Then DH walks out,Saturday he just walks out and leaves us he can't cope with my health issues(they are extensive but I am very very independent and do everything myself).Yesterday was in survival mode,got through the day was so proud of myself and today iv woke up so deflated.

He's left me with nothing,a house with no food,gas,electric.Im sitting here crying because I don't know what I'm going to give DD for dinner after school I just feel like I can't take anymore.

Please nobody start I don't want handouts etc I just want someone to tell me what I'm supposed to do to get through this day?because I'm all out of ideas.Ideas/suggestions for where I go from here please anybody.

Yesterday I thought it was something silly and he would come back,today I know he's done a runner with everything.Im devastated,in so much pain and trying to keep going for my DD

And keep going you will, because you can do this!!
Ask anyone and everyone for support, reach out and things will start to look better, I promise

He can't cope with your health issues but expects you to cope with your health, his daughter and the mess he's bailed out on - what a nasty coward he is.

Right you're a fighter and you will cope, let's be honest you don't have a choice. Tomorrow contact the council tax office, HMRC tax credits, CMS, bank, benefits agency, mortgage provider etc. Tell them what's happened and ask what they can do to help.
Don't be frightened to speak to social services and ask for help.

I just feel so defeated tonight,I don't kno how much more in expected to take?as sad as it sounds,you are the only support I have now..people on the internet!which I will be forever grateful for I just don't know how I got to this

for you @mamasma
And a very big hug. I am so sorry this is happening to you. How was today? Have you spoken to your nurse? Citizens Advice might be helpful. Sending you strength.

Sorry to hear it’s worse than you thought, how long hasn’t he paid the mortgage for? What has he been doing with the money?
You need to make sure no more of your money is going into that account because he will be able to just take it.
Have you heard anything from him at all?

Anyone would find this so difficult so please be kind to yourself.

Remember - "You is smart. You is kind. You is important", and all the best to you 🙏

Depends how you’d like to play it, you’re in control here.
If for tonight you’re both safe, warm and fed then just resolve to get up and at em in the morning, starting with school if they don’t already know. Then leave everything and get some rest. This would be what I’d opt to do I think.

Or if it helps for you to be doing something, start to compile a list, or gather paperwork or anything you might need to help you get started.

They’re just a couple of suggestions of course and you can do whatever you feel like doing.

Please be kind to yourself and know you will sort it all

It will probably get worse before it gets better but you’ll reach your infection point soon. First you find out he has deceived you, then you’ll find out the scale of it, then the horrible remediation starts and then slowly you’ll get better. And your future will be built on solid foundations, not lies.

Hi OP. I am in the east of Scotland too and would be happy to pop in and see you, if you were nearby, to help you. Obviously it is a long stretch of coast so maybe you are nowhere near! I am in Fife. I am a retired social worker (although I guess I could be anybody as far as you are concerned) and would be happy to offer you some support.

That is amazing thankyou so much,I'm a little further away (other side of Edinburgh) but it would be lovely to talk

Where are you OP? I may be near you.

Hi op. He’s a shit leaving you and you dd in such a state. I just wanted to say that if you phone the gas/electric company and explain about your meters and no money they may be able to help you. Especially given you have a young child.
Also talk to school and ask them to make sure your dd eats there.

My ex did the same thing emptying our joint bank, taking all savings, leaving me in debt.I didn’t know how I’d feed my kids but I got though it and you will too.

Morning @mamasma
Hope you have a better day.

Oh my goodness, this is awful reading. Please take any help you can get, to get through this. What lovely posters offering you support. Take care x

Do Tesco deliver to you/ can you get to Tesco? I can pm you some Clubcard vouchers if it’d help?

Yesterday I spoke to the gas and electric people and they put £10 on each meter and today I will be on the phone to all the relevant people.

Thanks so much for all the advice iv been given it really has helped over the last few days x

I think Macmillan will definitely be able to help you.
Plus, I think you can apply for a crisis loan until you manage to set up benefits etc. As laborious as it is, get making those phone calls. Every day counts. Everyday you don’t call, you miss out on money.
You could confide in your daughters school. They may well have info on resources to help you.

Glad you have gas and electric again as it is so much colder all of a sudden. Yes do work through that list!

The Macmillan nurse iv had through fall of my illness has been amazing this week she's done a lot of phoning for me,she's sorting me out a change of circumstances payment today 🤞 so I'm trying to remain positive!yes very very cold now im not good in this weather 🥶

Op everyone has practical advice ref money but please be kind to yourself. Can you do something free and fun for your dd like stop at Park after school and sit on a swing? Sounds silly but your doing amazing and need a fun minute in the coping.
Mcmillian will help you. Also could one of the single parent charities offer help and support?
Anyone in rl who can help?
Don't wish for him back he isn't worth anything if he would do this. Make sure you notify the bank that your seperated and have no acess or try to close the account.
Can you speak to css and ask for maintenance if the child is his joint child as he should be paying?
Well done for doing so well

That's a lovely idea,I always forget to do something fun when my mind is switched on 24 hours a day,im just trying to keep going for DD.

Will phone cms today and another lady from Macmillan is coming out to take me to the bank to see what or if there's even any money left in our account.

Re the mortgage ... can you contact bank / building society regarding the situation ...they might be able to arrange a payment " holiday" . A friend's daughter had to do this when her husband dies suddenly .

@mamasma I just want to send you 💐 encouragement, love & strength. You've got some great advice from PPs above, keep on keeping on with it. Your DD will be so massively proud of you when she is old enough to comprehend what you are doing; for now, her unending love is totally deserved - you are an absolute star!