Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

I don’t get this joke

94 replies

PhillliPhillli · 28/09/2019 12:18

I have a feeling you’re all going to explain it to me and it’s going to be obvious, but eh?!

(Printed in our village newsletter)

OP posts:

minou123 · 30/09/2019 00:15

northernstars
What's making headlines this week?
Cord pillows

It took me an hour to get that one

MyShinyWhiteTeeth · 30/09/2019 00:55

hope in her soul

soap in her hole!

MyShinyWhiteTeeth · 30/09/2019 00:58

What's the difference between a magican and a policeman?

The magican uses his wand to perform cunning stunts and the policeman uses his truncheon for..... catching criminals...

81Byerley · 30/09/2019 01:36

@minou123 Will you explain it then?

Soola · 30/09/2019 02:35

@81Byerley headlines - lines in your head!

Charlesbakerharris · 30/09/2019 02:45

Not a joke, but I was always really confused by the “no petting” sign at the swimming pool which featured a woman saying to a man “No I wouldn’t like to see your breaststroke!” For years I thought he was showing off and trying to impress her with how well he could swim.

Kalim8 · 30/09/2019 06:52

Here's a joke I didn't get as a kid:

How long did it take to make the Red Sea?
A very long period.

captainpantbeard · 30/09/2019 07:03

Reminded me of an old joke...

What should you do if you come across a tiger in the jungle?

Wipe it off and apologise.

squishee · 30/09/2019 07:12

To be fair to OP, I didn't know that a lighter is a type of boat until a few years ago.

What do you say to someone who has stolen your cheese?
"That's nacho cheese".

PapaStinky · 30/09/2019 07:28

What do you call a man with a one inch penis?....Justin

drumandthebass · 30/09/2019 07:38

Northernstars - love that 😂

minou123 · 30/09/2019 07:39

Byerley

Some pillows have cords around the edge, to make it look pretty. If you sleep on them, sometimes the can leave indents in your head - or lines in your head - headlines.

Artesia · 30/09/2019 08:04

*To be fair to OP, I didn't know that a lighter is a type of boat until a few years ago.

But it’s nothing to do with a lighter being a type of boat- is it??? It’s a pun on lighter- less heavy/cigarette lighter.

Soubriquet · 30/09/2019 08:15

Heard this one years ago...I apologise if it grosses some people out

Why don’t elderly women have Pap smears?

Have you ever tried to prise apart a cheesy toaster?!

PullingMySocksUp · 30/09/2019 08:34

I think the Oomibum bird one is missing a bit about it’s legs!

Heard of the Oomibum Bird, which has no legs? Every time it lands on the ground it calls "Oomibum!"

MillicentMartha · 30/09/2019 09:52

@PapaStinky, I heard it as,
'What do you call a man with a 3 inch dick? Justin!
What do you call a man with a 1 inch dick? Tintin!'

81Byerley · 30/09/2019 11:45

@Soola Of course! haha!

Clawdy · 30/09/2019 12:01

PullingMySocksUp you are so right! Forgot that bit, it's so long since I heard it!

dailyukelele · 30/09/2019 14:00

Oh and there was me thinking elephants can't swim

Flip

1 2 3 4