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Original poster

Friend blocked me after a gift

973 replies

Redshoesandtheblues · 07/09/2019 08:51

I wouldn't normally post about personal stuff this minor, but I am genuinely confused.

I sent overseas pal an email gift card for something she had raved about. A consumable item. No time limit on card.

She didn't acknowledge it.
Busy, I thought. And just waited for her surprised reaction when she found it.

To be clear, I took cues from her recent photos,so it wasn't off the wall. And it was in relation to something she was about to do. Either this gift card or flowers, I thought.

I spent time zooming in on makers of item, finding them and then phoning overseas and emailing, to sort out a gift card.

She blocked me!
Unblocked me to ask for her most recent gift back and told me to eff off!

I'm pretty stunned. But also worried.

Im currently unblocked , but I'm not sure how to handle this.

OP posts:
ALittleBitofVitriol · 23/09/2019 04:07

If the husband is in on it then I'd bet it's something to do with the child. I'm not saying you've done anything wrong, maybe they just decided that it all was getting too weird and with the plans to meet up soon it was too real now. Maybe they watched a program about child abduction and freaked out that you were grooming them?

I wouldn't send the books, they don't want you in their child's life.

ProhibitedRodent · 23/09/2019 04:22

Why do you keep sending them presents all the time?

I think the mystery has been solved. You're freaking them out with all the presents. Tbh I would be a bit frightened too if a friend kept sending presents all the time. It would feel a bit obsessive

Flipswhitefudge · 23/09/2019 04:36

Please do not send any more presents, you are telling her that she can treat you like absolute shit and you will be back for more. The kid will get over not having a couple of books. Respect yourself more!

EdtheBear · 23/09/2019 05:21

Op send nothing!
I've just read the thread. Don't give them the chance to hurt or abuse you any more. She seems to have you dangling on a string. Cut it and walk away.

Neither of the parents seem to want anything to do with you. The chances are they won't give the books to the child.

Maybe they've seen you and gifts as a cash cow in the past.
Maybe she has an alcohol problem. Hence wanting the cocktail set back. So many maybe's, so many unknowns.

Put your energy elsewhere don't leave yourself open to more hurt. How hurt will you be if they return the books, how cut up will you be if you get no reply, no thank you?

The books can go to the charity shop.

MyOtherProfile · 23/09/2019 05:46

Please don't send the presents. I really don't think she is having a breakdown and that her dd is missing out on anything. She has just decided to cut you out. You look sad and desperate if you send more gifts. Walk away and hold your head high.

Having said that, I'm pretty sure you will ignore us all and send them anyway. In which case, just send the personalised books and not whatever the extra is. Send the books with a note saying I don't know what has gone wrong but these books were obviously done before whatever it was and is still like your dd to have them. Don't say you will always be there for her - she is already aware of that and doesn't want you.

It's really tough but I'm afraid that's how it is. Walk away. Block.

rosedream · 23/09/2019 06:12

I was getting my head round the present buying until your last update.
This present buying is not here and there it's all the time. In your head it was irregular.
A couple of times a year is here and there.
What started out as a gesture has become a habit.
From what I can gather you've never met them either.
It is odd that she has just cut you off. May be she doesn't see it as a real relationship as it's online. There is a barrier a wall that divides it from rl.
A bit like people being more angry when emailing or in their car. There's a wall between them and the outside real world.

Frazzledmummy123 · 23/09/2019 06:19

Sorry but I'm starting to change my opinion here a bit. You are constantly running after her no matter how badly she treats you. One thing wanting to leave the door open for her, but another still wanting to send gifts.

I don't mean to sound rude but by carrying on sending stuff you are starting to look a bit obsessed with her (not saying you are, it just looks a bit like it) and now I'm maybe wondering if it is indeed the husband stepping in and causing her to behave like this. She has still behaved badly but you are being s doormat if you still send her child stuff.

Badolddays · 23/09/2019 06:26

I thought earlier in the thread it was unusual you were helping a child you have never met with homework over the Internet. I don’t think you should send the presents or a card addressed to the child.

EleanorReally · 23/09/2019 07:32

Please dont use her child in this way

Badolddays · 23/09/2019 07:51

Do you have children yourself op?

HasThisSoddingNameGoneToo · 23/09/2019 08:17

Don’t send the presents. Really. Don’t. Don’t. It’s SO inappropriate to send this friend more things! Surprised you can’t see that.

cathyno5 · 23/09/2019 08:37

Please don't send the gifts. You need to step back from this and move on.

Intheupsidedown · 23/09/2019 08:42

Another one that agrees sending the gifts just adds fuel to the fire. Perhaps hold on to them in case your friendship reopens

Sending gifts to a child when it isnt their birthday or christmas and you are not related or directly involved (I.e. longterm best friend of family/godparent) just seems weird and a little creepy.

The child will forget you promised presents and if the friendship does reignite and the child asks you about this episode you can explain that you and their mum had a falling out and so you didn't think it would be right to send the gift at the time. But I dont think they will ever ask you.

Original poster
Redshoesandtheblues · 23/09/2019 09:27

Fair enough. I will take on board what you say and save the gifts.

It was friend's idea to send an occasional gift here and there over the year as child got so excited at getting something in the post for her.

I went along with as it seemed the nice thing to do.

If its looking odd to a lot of people, then I'm happy to stand back. The books can wait. (They were specifically requested by friend though, so I do feel a bit awkward about them.)

I don't want to put more pressure on anyone. Especially not friend. I suspect all is not well there.

OP posts:
Cookit · 23/09/2019 09:28

Please, please don’t send the further presents you have!!! PLEASE

Original poster
Redshoesandtheblues · 23/09/2019 09:51

I've listened, Cookit, and Im happy to take the advice.

I'll bundle them out the way and forget about them.

Can I just reiterate though that I was responding to requests from friend? I didn't just decide to start sending gifts or cards off my own bat. I'm not that thoughtful! Grin

OP posts:
Intheupsidedown · 23/09/2019 10:03

Ah so she was abusing your good nature getting you to buy stuff for her child.

Maybe the husband worked out what she was doing (may not be the first time) which is why it's gone very strange.

Perhaps whatever is going on is like a gambling addiction where she keeps things quiet until the husband works it out. Her sending the photos of the wine etc makes me think she has split personality or something, or has breakdowns which makes her behave abnormally...

Smelborp · 23/09/2019 10:06

It’s quite weird of her to tell you to surprise them with gifts and to specify the gifts.

Regardless of what’s going on now (and try not to give it headspace) it sounds like she’s taking advantage of you anyway.

BlueBirdGreenFence · 23/09/2019 11:08

You're overstepping OP. She has made it clear she wants no more contact, no more presents, no nothing. If I was her I would be swinging between anger and worry about what could look to a lot of people like harassment.

custardbear · 23/09/2019 11:30

Don't send the child presents - it'll seem like you're trying to get to the mum by using the child - just walk away and don't contact her - if she's interested she'll contact you

Original poster
Redshoesandtheblues · 23/09/2019 11:49

As I've said, I will send nothing.

It wasn't my intention to use the child, more trying for her not to be treated any differently by me, despite whatever is going on with her mum.

OP posts:
LuckyAmy1986 · 23/09/2019 12:23

Poor you OP. I’ve read the whole thread and thus must be so upsetting for you. It’s bad enough when a friendship breaks down but even worse when you don’t know why x

EdtheBear · 23/09/2019 12:25

Op that is really weird behaviour to ask you to send a child gifts.

I also think the DH has stepped in. Wanting to put an end to stuff just appearing. He's maybe thinking those books could have been a Christmas or Birthday idea from a Grandparent or something.

It seems incredibly odd to send gifts to people you've never met.

Step back and wait to see what happens.

Drum2018 · 23/09/2019 12:35

Glad you're not sending the gifts. It's totally weird that this 'friend' told you to send her child gifts and told you what to send. She's used you for long enough and has now probably found someone else online to take over from you. I'd block her completely and never engage with her again.

Bearhorn · 23/09/2019 14:28

I think you should send the books. It can't make anything worse and it might even elicit some kind of explanation from the friend. Total waste of good books otherwise.