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Original poster

Friend blocked me after a gift

973 replies

Redshoesandtheblues · 07/09/2019 08:51

I wouldn't normally post about personal stuff this minor, but I am genuinely confused.

I sent overseas pal an email gift card for something she had raved about. A consumable item. No time limit on card.

She didn't acknowledge it.
Busy, I thought. And just waited for her surprised reaction when she found it.

To be clear, I took cues from her recent photos,so it wasn't off the wall. And it was in relation to something she was about to do. Either this gift card or flowers, I thought.

I spent time zooming in on makers of item, finding them and then phoning overseas and emailing, to sort out a gift card.

She blocked me!
Unblocked me to ask for her most recent gift back and told me to eff off!

I'm pretty stunned. But also worried.

Im currently unblocked , but I'm not sure how to handle this.

OP posts:
Frazzledmummy123 · 10/09/2019 12:46

I think you should take a step back and keep looking at it in simple terms in black and white.

You sent a thoughtful gift which you expected to be gratefully received and appreciated by your friend, and then for no apparent reason she turned against you and got abusive. Then taunted you with a photo of her using the gift.

This isn't about her being offended anymore, she used the gift so obviously wasn't offended by it. The blocking/unblocking and sending you that photo was blatant attention seeking and/or taunting.

Bottom line is, she's the one in the wrong and doesn't deserve your friendship or kindness. If it's a mental breakdown she's having then you can't really do much more. Just move on with the knowledge that you did all you could and you did try to contact her via her husband so it's out your hands now xx

Larlarleighlee · 10/09/2019 14:58

Did u decide to send the gift back op. X

Original poster
Redshoesandtheblues · 10/09/2019 15:56

Ta, Frazzled, I'm trying to see it that way.

No, Larl, but sending the amount by PayPal has crossed my mind.

I may regift it. I have a few birthdays coming up, so that may work.

I don't do that. But im not sure what best to do with it.
Hence PayPal option. I'll have bought it then.

OP posts:
Original poster
Redshoesandtheblues · 10/09/2019 16:20

So not technically a regift?

OP posts:
Lobsterquadrille2 · 10/09/2019 16:25

@Redshoesandtheblues I would do nothing further, to be honest. You have done all you can and you sound like a lovely friend - if she ever wants you to understand, she will contact you. It's a "let it go" situation. Her loss.

Original poster
Redshoesandtheblues · 10/09/2019 16:35

@lobsterquadrille2 ,not even repay her gift by PayPal?

OP posts:
Starlight456 · 10/09/2019 16:41

Honestly it was a gift . They don’t want to speak to you. You need to compartmentalise this . Move on . You owe them nothing it was a gift. So legally yoyrs

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 10/09/2019 16:42

No, I wouldn't do that.
She's used your gift, why on earth would you bother to return hers?!
I know she asked, but she's been a total arse as well, so don't worry about it.

Let it gooooo and drink all the cocktails.

Smelborp · 10/09/2019 16:45

Certainly not repay her. If she asks, ask her for the gift card back. Once she refunds that value, you could return the value of the corkscrew.

Lobsterquadrille2 · 10/09/2019 16:49

@Redshoesandtheblues no, I really wouldn't repay her - as PPs have said, it was a gift. You've done nothing wrong and have tried to understand her reasoning, if indeed there is any. You don't owe her anything.

Sagradafamiliar · 10/09/2019 17:09

She might've got so drunk that she sent you a horrible message by mistake (as she had intended to reply a 'thank you' to you) and quickly tried to salvage the situation by blocking you in the hope it would stop you receiving it. She's since unblocked you and blocked again as she's so mortified she doesn't know what to do?

MrGsFancyNewVagina · 10/09/2019 17:43

Bollocks to returning the gift. She hasn’t bothered returning yours and she’s being pathetic.

I may regift it. I have a few birthdays coming up, so that may work.

Oh, I’d be so tempted to send her a final message saying, I’d love to return your gift, I’m afraid I’ve already regifted it. However I’m glad you appear to have enjoyed your wine. xx, then block.

Forgivable · 10/09/2019 18:16

Christ is this still rumbling on without a conclusion?! OP stop even thinking about her bloody gift. Don't return it. Give it to charity or regift, why are wasting time thinking about PayPal?!

GabsAlot · 10/09/2019 18:25

No dont send her money it was a gift you cant ask for it back or a refund-wouold you not consider asking the mutual friend what happened with them she might tell u after you explain

Original poster
Redshoesandtheblues · 10/09/2019 18:26

fancyvagina. That made me laugh.
A PP mentioned a vision og having bought the wine and effing and blinding all over whatsapp. That made me laugh too. Sorry, im too lazy to scroll back for name.Blush

OP posts:
Original poster
Redshoesandtheblues · 10/09/2019 18:36

Gabs Im not bringing mutual friend into it. Im just not.

Not fair on her,and we have other friends, though just peripheral. So im not wanting too much to get out there. As it were.

Mutual friend has cut me off anytime this friend has been mentioned. Its been awkward, but ive managed to reassure them both we are all ok as separate friends.

I have no idea what went on there.

OP posts:
ScarlettSahara · 10/09/2019 18:36

Only just caught up. Redshoesandtheblues let me reassure you that you sound like a lovely person who sends thoughtful gifts to her friends.
You have done nothing wrong. You were concerned about your friend but her husband (for whatever reason) blocked your query.
I don’t think there is anything to be gained from pursuing this now. I don’t like to think of gifts in terms of transactions but if you consider this clinically you have paid for your gift through time given to the daughter & your own gifts. If you send money or return the gift you will be making a mug of yourself. If the cocktail set is tainted for you now then just move it on.
At the end of the day this friend is not the person she portrayed herself as. Blocking, unblocking, posting of photos enjoying your gift & requesting return of yours seems just nasty & designed to rattle you. I would just block now & move on & stop trying to understand the inexplicable & inexcusable. The reason you are mystified is because you don’t play games like this.
It will hurt for a while but concentrate on other nicer friends Flowers.

Grainedmonkey · 10/09/2019 19:23

OP if you are all still interested in your friend and still curious about her actions I would return the gift. She has asked you to return it but probably won't be expecting you to do so, therefore it may prompt something from her if you do actually return it.
If this does happen please let us know !

dazzledandconfused · 10/09/2019 19:27

Really weird and I’m sorry OP, it’s unpleasant when something out of the blue happens like this and you can’t get any real closure or a way to apologise if you’re genuinely in the wrong. I wondered though, could it be nothing to do with the gift? You say she’s a forum friend. Do you still post on the same forums and could you have posted something she has taken offence at? Not about her but maybe a view on something that she might be sensitive about.

PerkyPomPoms · 10/09/2019 19:43

She used her gift so she doesn’t get the gift for you back or the monetary value. What a weirdo!

Monty27 · 10/09/2019 19:58

Hrth
What is the gift that she gave you which she wants back? Have you sent it?
I would think it's A
You should try and talk to her. She may need support.
It's not nice to have a misunderstanding between friends. Sad

Motoko · 10/09/2019 20:48

It was a cocktail gift set @Monty27.

OP, why are you still considering sending the gift or monetary value? Just use it or give it to someone else (not as a birthday gift, but just a "Would you like this? I don't want it" way) and then move on.

It's about time you got angry with the way she's behaved. You did nothing to deserve it, and she's deliberately taunted you with the unblocking and photo.

Original poster
Redshoesandtheblues · 10/09/2019 21:13

Motoko I did get angry. But it fizzzled out.
I'm very concerned about her.
But, I need to step back.
Thanks for the advice everyone.

Strange situation, but I'm shugging, with an early night and some shortbread. Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
Redshoesandtheblues · 10/09/2019 21:17

I've a busy day tomorrow, and I'll be honest, all this has taken the wind out of me.Sad

OP posts:
Frazzledmummy123 · 10/09/2019 21:42

Redshoes, try to put this out your mind as much as possible. You didn't deserve this regardless of whether she has had some type of breakdown or not. I know you are concerned but you are doing the right thing by taking a step back. It's all you can do, and if you never do hear from her again then know it's nothing to do with you.

If there are any developments please do keep us updated as I think a lot of us are quite curious xx

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