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Original poster

Friend blocked me after a gift

973 replies

Redshoesandtheblues · 07/09/2019 08:51

I wouldn't normally post about personal stuff this minor, but I am genuinely confused.

I sent overseas pal an email gift card for something she had raved about. A consumable item. No time limit on card.

She didn't acknowledge it.
Busy, I thought. And just waited for her surprised reaction when she found it.

To be clear, I took cues from her recent photos,so it wasn't off the wall. And it was in relation to something she was about to do. Either this gift card or flowers, I thought.

I spent time zooming in on makers of item, finding them and then phoning overseas and emailing, to sort out a gift card.

She blocked me!
Unblocked me to ask for her most recent gift back and told me to eff off!

I'm pretty stunned. But also worried.

Im currently unblocked , but I'm not sure how to handle this.

OP posts:
EleanorReally · 09/09/2019 09:13

dont understand why your rung hr DH, surely it would have been far more Adult to ring her?

cazzaG · 09/09/2019 09:20

Ha! Perfect!

deplorabelle · 09/09/2019 09:21

I had a very close friend who was capable of behaving like this as she lived with schizophrenia. She would often cast people off and revile them for perceived slights that made no sense to anyone else. I knew she would do it to me one day too and sadly enough she did.

I also briefly worked with a lady who (unbeknownst to me) got terribly upset at something I said. I confided I was rubbish at customer service and couldn't remember anyone's names. She went a bit quiet and I thought she'd taken it the wrong way so I said more things to make it clear I was only talking about myself. She tendered her resignation because I'd told her off for not addressing people by name and she was clearly not up to the job.

She also had serious mental health problems. Which I suspect your friend does too. I think you've been a good friend to her but she has clearly reached the end of her capabilities.

cazzaG · 09/09/2019 09:41

What were the deleted posts??!

spottyowls · 09/09/2019 09:45

Jesus wept! I couldn't be doing with all this nonsense and game playing, even if I had legitimately done something to cause offence! Confused

Block her, shrug your shoulders, and crack on with your day!

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 09/09/2019 09:50

katseyes - it's hard when they can't see it themselves, isn't it.

My mum wasn't anything like as bad but you could still accidentally offend her - but at least she told us why! One of the weirdest, that sticks in my head because of its weirdness, was when she was in hospital after having an emergency colostomy, without which she would have died. My dad went to the gift shop to get her something to cheer her up, and knowing she liked soft toys, bought her a teddy. No harm, you'd think. Except it was Winnie the Pooh.
Do you get the problem?
We didn't, until she pointed out it was Winnie the POOH and he was just being mean because now she had a colostomy BAG and how could he do that to her? Well I have to admit none of us had even thought of it until she said it! Also we didn't know that she hated Winnie the Pooh (which she claimed she did, but that might just have been a reaction to the whole "pooh" thing, who knows).

Anyway - that shows just how even well-meaning things can go badly wrong if you're not awake on every possible point of offence!

SlightlySleepy · 09/09/2019 09:52

Don't send the present back! It's an odd thing to do. Just because she's being crazy, doesn't mean you have to join in.

Invite the ex mutual friend round for cocktails!

Motoko · 09/09/2019 10:05

dont understand why your rung hr DH, surely it would have been far more Adult to ring her?

Because OP was advised to ring him, by lots of posters. Also, OP said she's been blocked, so her "friend" doesn't want to talk to her, and therefore won't answer the phone, if she hasn't got around to blocking her number.
If you'd blocked someone, would you answer the phone if they try to ring? I know I wouldn't, it would be a bit pointless blocking them otherwise.

TheGirlWithTheFeatherTat · 09/09/2019 10:07

This is weird and reminds me of weird things that have happened to me..... I raised money for charity and had planned on doing a bungee jump/skydive but due to being unwell it didn't happen but the money was still donated (had some in cash/some via a Web page). No one seemed to have an issue or say anything until years later I got a random message on Facebook from someone who demanded their money back but then unfriended me straight away, so I had no opportunity to reply 🤔 it wasn't a close friend or anything but just strange

Doyoureallyneedtoask · 09/09/2019 10:10

I would think it was beyond odd if a friend contacted DH asking why I didn’t want to contact them. It is overstepping the boundaries completely!

As for an online friend of DH’s contacting me because DH did not want to speak to him, I’d think the caller was completely overstepping the boundaries and hang up the phone too.

EleanorReally · 09/09/2019 10:19

perhaps her DH caused the issue, queried the gift, perhaps he checked the bank statement and thought she shouldnt be sending random gifts to online friends

Ash39 · 09/09/2019 10:38

I think you did the right thing ringing DH, despite not getting a proper response. You were concerned for your friend ( i would have thought illness/MH/personal reason) and the husband could have potentially supplied a reason

Original poster
Redshoesandtheblues · 09/09/2019 10:44

Doyoureally it wasn't like that. I broached it in a way of indicating her phone seemed to be playing up. And we do speak to each other on occasions too, so not quite off the wall to contact him.

I had hesitated as i thought it invasive, but then became worried about her, so decided to make a call.

And the homework help is just here and there, when I was asked to.

It may seem strange, but without giving chapter and verse as to how everything developed, I can't add anymore. And it just distracts from what my original question and concern was.

Its done now. No one knows why, so I will just accept it and move on.

Thanks to everyone who tried to help me figure this out.
Flowers

OP posts:
DonnaLee8 · 09/09/2019 10:45

I agree with you @Ash39. 100%

Damntheman · 09/09/2019 11:32

Grief I can't believe some of the responses here to adults having online friends that they've not met in person! Is this 1999? Because that's where that opinion belongs.

It's more than possible to have a solid and close friendship with another adult online. It's not childish, neither is it pathetic or indicating in a lack of social skills.

OP I'm sorry this happened to you. Your friend doesn't sound well, but I'm glad you've managed to put it behind you. I had a friend do something similar to me about 14 years ago, never did find out why.

browneyes77 · 09/09/2019 14:00

I agree @Damntheman

I have a friend I met on an old online forum over 10 years ago. We’ve never managed to meet up IRL, but we’re friends on Facebook and have spoken on the phone/texted and via social media.

In this day and age, I’m not sure why people are so baffled by this happening!

GrumpiestCat · 09/09/2019 14:27

I agree that perhaps her husband's decided these gifts have to stop and is making life difficult for her. That he hung up on you suggests he's a factor.

Atalune · 09/09/2019 15:40

You’ll never know. It’s so unfair.

I suspect there is some slight you have I unknowingly committed and even if you did find out about it it would be so unreasonable that you’d still be scratching your head.

I’m sorry this has happened to you. It sucks

Motoko · 09/09/2019 15:54

Grief I can't believe some of the responses here to adults having online friends that they've not met in person!

I've noticed there are quite a few people on MN, who find it difficult to understand that anything other than what they know from their own lives, could possibly be a real thing. Like on the MIL threads, where people replying, have never experienced toxic relationships, and tell the OP that their MIL is only doing x because it comes from a loving heart and she's trying to help, so the OP is BU, etc.

It's a serious lack of imagination.

Angelf1sh · 09/09/2019 16:18

@Motoko there was a whole thread derailed recently by MNetters who were absolutely convinced that there was no such phrase as “jumped the shark” simply because they’d never heard of it!

Motoko · 09/09/2019 16:26

Seriously @Angelf1sh?! Where have they been living? How on earth could they have not heard of that, it was all over the internet?

Angelf1sh · 09/09/2019 17:13

I have absolutely no idea! They kept accusing the OP of trying to start a phrase that made no sense and wasn’t funny 😂😂

TroysMammy · 09/09/2019 17:20

I had a penpal in my teenage years. We lost touch then 10 years ago found each other through Facebook. We keep in touch mostly now by Whatsapp. We've never met.

JesusHRooseveltChristAgain · 09/09/2019 17:29

Re Jump the Shark I knew what it meant and that it came from a tv show, but couldn't remember which one. One very simple Google search later, and now I know!

Friend blocked me after a gift
TakeNoSHt · 09/09/2019 17:49

Very strange. I’m sorry you wasted your time, effort and friendship on her. You sound lovely move on and remember its her loss. Too many people acting strange like this maybe something going on in the background but up to you what to do if she does eventually apologise and reach out for help