Friend blocked me after a gift

[Redshoesandtheblues]

I wouldn't normally post about personal stuff this minor, but I am genuinely confused.

I sent overseas pal an email gift card for something she had raved about. A consumable item. No time limit on card.

She didn't acknowledge it.
Busy, I thought. And just waited for her surprised reaction when she found it.

To be clear, I took cues from her recent photos,so it wasn't off the wall. And it was in relation to something she was about to do. Either this gift card or flowers, I thought.

I spent time zooming in on makers of item, finding them and then phoning overseas and emailing, to sort out a gift card.

She blocked me!
Unblocked me to ask for her most recent gift back and told me to eff off!

I'm pretty stunned. But also worried.

Im currently unblocked , but I'm not sure how to handle this.

What the hell?! You send a kind and thoughtful gift, she decides that due to said gift she hates you, yet she also uses said gift immediately.

That would drive me insane wondering what the hell was going on in her crazy brain!!

Very spiteful and petty behaviour from her based on what you've said so far imo.

I'm petty enough that I would return the gift in one of two ways. Either smash it up and return with note to say you wanted to symbolise what she's chosen to do with your friendship. Or, my new favourite, get your husband to take a pic of you proposing a 'fuck off yourself' toast to the camera with the set, get photo printed off and enclose it with the now empty set. Oh and possibly 'accidentally' not include enough postage so she has to pay to collect it. And definitely block/delete her.

Don't drink the gift!!! maybe it is poisoned!!!!

Either use the gift or decant all the liquid in her gift into different container.
Fill the containers with liquid of a different colour and film yourself pouring it away
Smash the bottles etc into little pieces and put them in a small padded envelope along with a link to the video you have recorded of you pouring the liquid away and a card with 'touche' printed on it.
Block her yourself on all channels.
You don't need to know her response and it's good for her to know that you don't even care enough to find out.

Send another giftcard - with 25p on it.

I think you really need to stop trying to contact her.

You won't ever know the real reason because she won't talk about it as evidenced by the 'mutual friend'.

If she decides to unblock you, you won't ever again have the same friendship you had prior to this.

There is no point.

Disclaimer: I am somebody who after years of being a doormat, I tend to cut off and move on very quickly nowadays. As a result I have very few friends.

Use the gift and get your DH to take lots of pictures enjoying it. Then send her the picture.

Me, Petty? Never!!

You have to ask the mutual friend. I think I will burst if you don't.

They say don't they that friends come for a reason, a season or a lifetime. In my experience OP I tend to steer clear of people who don't really have many long-lasting friendships; well not steer clear, but certainly wouldn't let myself get close to them. As a few PPs have said, there are people in life who are your best friend one minute and want nothing to do with you the next for spurious reasons - I can personally vouch for this as when I was younger and going through a bad patch of MH I could be that friend!! Frequently blocked people out for no reason. I'm better now and really regret some of the relationships I lost doing that, I hope in time your friend does too

Her husband hung up on you. That js bizarre behaviour in itself, how old are these people?
The supposed mutual friends who were really close, the fact you have become close enough to send regular gifts and for her to trust you to help her child ( how? By skype? ) and yet you have never met, it all sounds like a mystery chick lit novel.
I have started to wonder what on earth your common interest is, and whether that is a factor ?
I also wonder whether she even exists.

Why do you have contact with the husband? How did you meet - what forums? Why have you never met? How do you have contact with her daughter but never met...?

All sounds a bit strange to me.

As you've already acknowledged, her history of 'lost' friendships rings alarm bells. It sounds like a personality disorder to me, but it also sounds like she enjoys having an impact.

Don't give her the satisfaction, ignore any hooks, and step away from her silly sideshow and her rude husband. No-one needs that kind of shit.

Put your time and energy into people who know how to appreciate a good friend.

I've read pretty much most of this thread and I'm thinking could this have something to do with her husband? Could he be jealous of your friendship, is he a spotlight seeker,controlling who she has relationships with, including simple friendships, and has perhaps made something up about you to get her to drop you. This may sound very far fetched but this happened to me. Over 13 years of marriage, good, close friends would suddenly not be there, no explanations nor apologies, and it hurt and confused me so much I would stress out and relive every conversation, trying to find out what I had done to turn them off me. After my divorce, some ex friends came forward. It transpired my ex husband had been setting these people up to hate me with nasty,vile stories, disgusting things I had allegedly said about them. He also did the same to me about other mutual friends. It's very sad and hard to understand but some people are really really good at this and 100% convincing. When you genuinely love and care for someone, it's just so easy to be taken in. Many of my friends didn't try to check with me, frankly because they were appalled and couldnt be arsed with the drama and dropped me like a hot brick. My theory may be way way off, but in any case, this so- called friend of yours is seemingly trying to appear 'not interested' in truly hearing your side of things, yet appears to want to see if YOU have anything to offer. The blocking /unblocking is pretty standard for someone who has unanswered questions and needs communication to remain open,albeit on their terms. My feeling is she wants you to 'explain yourself' in some way, but of course you have no idea what it is you are supposed to have done. Unfortunately I honestly dont see how you could save your friendship and like my 'ex' friends did to me, just walk away from the drama,hurtful as that may be. If it IS her husband's doing, she will find out eventually when she joins the dots. Personally I would now not make any further attempt to dig up the true reason, it's going to be something along the lines of a horrible lie,or a massive misunderstanding re the gift. But surely a friend, a close one with some affection for you would think they know you well enough to question a misinterpreted card message?? It's either that or there is a genuine MH issue here.
I feel your pain and I sincerely hope you can get over this and find better, more mutually rewarding friendships.

How odd.

Is it possible she’s having some sort of mental breakdown, and her husband’s not coping either, hence odd phone call?

I've rtft but it was so long, I can't remember if you definitely said its what's app you use.

You can block someone even if they have you blocked.
If you're blocked and try to message them, they won't see it even if they unblock you.
Someone recently showed me this using both our phones.

Honestly, I'd walk away now, or write a short letter just stating you have been very shocked at being dumped so suddenly and without an explanation, that friend has made it obvious something is wrong and that your attempts to reconcile have been ignored so you hope things work out for her in the future and you don't feel the need to correspond any further, good luck.

Or something. It's what I'd write. I've had some friendships end weirdly. And most of mine are penpal types even with people I've met in person.

Sorry OP

BM

How did you actually "meet" this woman, if you aren't on social media? (And what's she posting photos and blocking you on?)

I made friends with people via a forum. About eight of us. We felt so close for years. Met up a few times. All talked online several times a day. However sometimes changes in our dynamics and four of them turned horribly nasty on one of us. It was hideous. I was blindsided. Didn't see it coming and felt horrible for about 18 months. But once the shock went I just realised that two or three was just utter bitches. I would have had zero in common outside of our shared interests. A few I'm still friends with on FB. But one or two might have been narcos. A few was love struck sheep to their manipulation. Fact was I dint know the real them at all. After years and real life met ups. That's the reality of online friends.

Also I find more as I get older lots of people in real life are also pretty bloody weird when you get down to it. The friend who cut her milk out of her life.... didn't waste much time doing the same to me. The mum who started a FB war with mums who kids picked on her dd...... did the same at her own school. It's all there, the signs when you reflect. Just when their behaviour is directed at you, it's a shock. But maybe the signs of her doing this before are there? Just this time your the object of her strange ways?

People who block you are not worth having as friends btw. It's the true them.

I feel you op.

My life-long friend dropped me like a hot potato - just completely stopped contact, unfriended me on SM etc, after my life went into the shitter. Had to bail on a small hol we had booked a couple days in advance - we lost the same amount - as if I hadn't let's just say the alternative would have been horrendous for my whole family. Clearly friend was pissed about hol. I get that. Left them to be pissed for a few days. No contact a few months later and as I said the SM unfriending. Plus I have noticed them intentionally 'not see me' when we are on the same street in town etc.

We had literally been friends for life. I would have and have done anything for them. They knew exactly what was going on and what the outcome had I gone on the hol would have been. They knew how bad I felt about bailing on them (they couldn't/wouldn't go on their own). But nope.

I was and am shocked at someone I thought was my 100% rock solid turning out to be such.... I dunno even. But it is upsetting.

Sorry for derailing the thread.

"Also I find more as I get older lots of people in real life are also pretty bloody weird when you get down to it"

So true. People are odd, and the longer I live, the odder I find them.

I trust my husband and no one else. I have friends, we share stuff, we talk about pretty deep things, we support each other, but honestly, I don't have expectations of them. It's easier that way. Stuff happens and you end up cutting people out for whatever reason or they do the same to you. It happens. It sucks. But it's life.

"Also I find more as I get older lots of people in real life are also pretty bloody weird when you get down to it"

So true. People are odd, and the longer I live, the odder I find them.

^^ Couldn't agree more!

I spent a bit of time with a local woman a couple of years ago driving her around after an operation. She knew my DD well enough to have her on FB as friend as well as myself. I was also looking after some of her animals at our home at the time too.

Anyhow I received a curt call saying she wanted one of the animals back earlier than expected and I could (if I wanted to) keep the other longer. That turned into ''keep it forever but if you want to sell it, then it comes back to me'' thing.

Not long after I dropped off the first animal, she dropped off my friends' list. The day after her Hubby (this thread reminded me of this) telephoned mine and said I had put on the community page that this woman had abused animal no. 2, when I had not. I had actually engaged vets etc to care for it though.

I was away at the time and when I arrived home my DH was fairly ropable. I messaged our DD to let her know and she attempted to message woman to find out what was going on. DD found she was blocked but I wasn't.

since then I have heard 6 or so variations of the story from different people, most recent 4 weeks ago. I dropped what I thought was a good friendship over it as she sided with the other woman. No one could show me the post, although mutual friend said she ''had to go back a bit'' on my FB page to find it.

Since then she has gone on to separate from her Hubby with similar pattern of behaviour which ultimately covered up she was having an affair.

From all that, and it took me a lot of time to get over it and heal, I just figure some folk are drama queens and have to ''have'' something going on in their lives to continue to be in the spotlight. They end up with a pile of followers who are stupid enough to hang on their every word.

I've jsut come back to this and seen that you've never MET these people? That changes everything of course.

She doesn't want to be friends anymore. She's clearly nowhere near as invested in this online friendship as you are. Stop contacting her family and just leave it now.

After RTFT instead of sleeping, I'm shamelessly placemarking as I'm totally invested in your thread now..
I know how it feels to have this sort of shit suddenly happen and I have to know if you find anything else out.
I personally wouldn't be able to rest until I knew WTF was wrong, it would literally consume me, I really hope it isn't having this effect on you op as it's genuinely horrible.. have a hug and some

I find it all bizarre. You send gifts to someone you never met? All too much drama. Just let her cool off and see if she contacts you. If not just forget her.

It’s really not that bizarre. I’ve formed good friendships with people online and we’ve sent Christmas cards and presents, etc. I live somewhere quite remote, so it’s hard to meetup with people.