Friend blocked me after a gift

[Redshoesandtheblues]

I wouldn't normally post about personal stuff this minor, but I am genuinely confused.

I sent overseas pal an email gift card for something she had raved about. A consumable item. No time limit on card.

She didn't acknowledge it.
Busy, I thought. And just waited for her surprised reaction when she found it.

To be clear, I took cues from her recent photos,so it wasn't off the wall. And it was in relation to something she was about to do. Either this gift card or flowers, I thought.

I spent time zooming in on makers of item, finding them and then phoning overseas and emailing, to sort out a gift card.

She blocked me!
Unblocked me to ask for her most recent gift back and told me to eff off!

I'm pretty stunned. But also worried.

Im currently unblocked , but I'm not sure how to handle this.

I was blocked and ignored by a friend I’d known for over 20 years. No explanation.
I later found out from a mutual friend that it was because I turned down the offer of wearing her wedding gown for my later wedding. She got married in Yorkshire, I got married in Florida in August and she is four sizes larger.
Apparently she was furious that I’d said I wanted to but my own new dress.
People are strange

Good thinking @BelowDeck. I had an American "friend" like this.

We made friends online but it just transpires that she collects people from around the world in order to get presents and offers of holidays.

@Redshoesandtheblues she is playing with you. Regardless of what she is doing just block her and move on. There is no reason to send her present back when she has yours.

Move on and chalk it up to experience.

I'm sorry you are going through this

@KetoWithIF I’d just taken a swig of tea when I read that 🤣

I also have met other people who know her. We've just never met each other.

Sorry if I've missed something here but I am totally confused. What kind of friendship is this OP? You've never met this person but you exchange gifts regularly. How did this start up.

Annoying though it is to not get a definitive answer, I’d ignore and move on. Because by replying or trying to make contact again, you are giving her the drama and attention she so clearly wants. Take great delight in knowing she’s probably desperate to feel like she’s looking down on you and you are begging for her friendship.

Drink that cocktail up and send her the empty packaging 😆

You don't actually know her though OP, as hard as that sounds. You just know the persona she portrays to you

This^^ it reminds me of tales of old of office romances developed over the phone over months or years, to the point of declaring undying love before finally meeting and being confronted by the reality of the whole package. I don’t care what anyone says about social media and technology; there is no replacement for a RL association where we see others in their social context and experience how they interact and react to others.

Also confused about having never met someone yet sending gifts all the time?

@Delatron Yes there is something fishy about all this

Is her husband controlling her, and not letting her have friends? So as soon as she gets close to someone, he puts a stop to it? Her blocking and unblocking could be her way of showing you she's grateful for the gift, and then she has to block you again so that her H doesn't find out.
Just a thought.

How bizarre. You could always decant the booze she sent you into another bottle, fill the bottle with the same coloured liquid and film yourself pouring it down the drain, with the caption “not going to waste the return postage when I can send it free of charge”.

This is all too bizarre. I need a conclusion.

🦇💩 i deffinatly wouldnt be returning the gift at great expense. i would want to but why should you put yourself to more expense after she has used the gift card? you sent her a nice thoughtful gift and she is acting crazy i dont know what more you can do than just cut ties and move on. sorry OP

Yup, Im letting it go.
Im ok with people outgrowing friendships etc.
But in a few days?

But, no point in delving into it anymore than we already have, I suppose. I was hoping some extra perspectives may help. But I've been able to cross them off the list, in the main.

I feel I've now got into position of defending myself or how this position came about. That's distracting me from what has gone on between us as friends, so Im giving up trying to explain certain things. Its just stressful.

What I will say is that I help her child with homework projects etc, just as a way to keep in touch and keep communication open.

Hard to explain, I suppose. But Ive done my best and I'm squeezed of energy, tbh.
I have 2 other penpals like that too, kidwise, so it's not unusual.

@Redshoesandtheblues it’s awful that you’re going through this. I have a similar friend, but without the gifts issue. We’d been close friends for about six years or more. She stared to tell me that she had issues with work colleagues (she kept having to take them to lunch or giving them flowers to apologise for going loopy on them). I’m not one to avoid someone because of their problems with others, so continued the close friendship. Then she told mutual friends that I was ignoring her, doing things behind her back, being unkind etc. I was doing none of that. After she demanded I went out for coffee (which turned into lunch) so I could explain why I was treating her so badly I decided that I’d better back off from the friendship. I did so, little by little over the next few years. We’re still in touch, our children are still best friends. But I know that I had to look after myself. I can feel no guilt as I did nothing wrong, except from showing her kindness and understanding. It’s taken me a long time to get to the no-guilt stage though.

Take care x

Honestly at this point you have nothing to lose so I’d try mutual friend again as a last ditch attempt to make sense of it.

If you don’t get anywhere then let it go knowing you did everything you could to get to the bottom of it

my mum was always cutting people off, it would on the face of it be for a petty reason. But she would have been festering herself into a frenzy over the person for a while. So the tipping point could be, buying her 2 presents but whilst you love one of them you don't like the other (yes really!). But really it's because she really couldn't sustain friendships or relationships as her expectations of other people were huge, and she was easily slighted.

So I think in your case, perhaps your friend is one of these types. My best guesses are, you passing on her personal information to the winemaker (address for the gift card), or the winemaker made a comment/joke that embarrassed her in some way. Just a justification she gives to herself to lose her shit.

I have 2 other penpals like that too, kidwise, so it's not unusual.

Well it sure seems unusual to me

Did he friend and her DH know you were helping with the child's homework?

For me, I meant monkey.

Yes, no secrets!! At all.
Just project stuff and prompting ideas.

ThumbWitchesAbroad My mother was like that. She commented to me after my dad died that so many people used to come to see him, but once he died, they came once, then that was it. She really couldn't comprehend that her behaviour towards them was the reason for it. She said to me once that a friend of my dads always brought her Ringtons Tea and shortbread biscuits at Christmas, but she was going to tell him not to bring the biscuits any more because she didn't like shortbread. Why would you do that? lt's rude and ungrateful. Just take the bloody biscuits, thank them, and pass them on to somebody else.
lt got to the point where there was only me and one cousin still speaking to her (and it was a stretch for me sometimes!). But it was always the other person at fault. Never her. Some people just want the drama and attention. Even if it's the wrong kind of attention.

See? The more I try to explain, the more it seems it I have to explain!

Not a criticism, just frustration on my part.