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Original poster

Friend blocked me after a gift

973 replies

Redshoesandtheblues · 07/09/2019 08:51

I wouldn't normally post about personal stuff this minor, but I am genuinely confused.

I sent overseas pal an email gift card for something she had raved about. A consumable item. No time limit on card.

She didn't acknowledge it.
Busy, I thought. And just waited for her surprised reaction when she found it.

To be clear, I took cues from her recent photos,so it wasn't off the wall. And it was in relation to something she was about to do. Either this gift card or flowers, I thought.

I spent time zooming in on makers of item, finding them and then phoning overseas and emailing, to sort out a gift card.

She blocked me!
Unblocked me to ask for her most recent gift back and told me to eff off!

I'm pretty stunned. But also worried.

Im currently unblocked , but I'm not sure how to handle this.

OP posts:
everyonecaneffoff · 07/09/2019 21:03

I think she has issues of her own and something has triggered this and she has decided to block you.
I'd just let it go now (though there's a whole pile of people on here, myself included, who are dying to know what it's all about)

Beautiful3 · 07/09/2019 21:59

I would contact the mutual friend and explain what happened and if she knows why?

OneAboveAndOneBelow · 07/09/2019 23:05

...maybe the ex-mutual-friend randomly sent her the same gift, as an olive branch, and she thought you'd cooked it up together?

OK, that's probably the most clutching at straws on this thread so far.

Happysummer2020 · 08/09/2019 00:38

Good 'friend" had been incredibly rude.

Can you just call her and ask what the hell is her problem?

Skittlenommer · 08/09/2019 00:38

Whatever the reason I’d terminate the friendship. She is being an asshole.

mehmehmehmeh · 08/09/2019 01:04

I think your mutual friend is key here. You'll probably find she's not that nice after all.

StealthPussy · 08/09/2019 05:21

I wouldn’t want to be friends with someone like this. She’s abusive, you just didn’t find out until now. Block and ignore her permanently. Your mutual friend will probably have a similar story to tell you. It’s sad when friendships have to end but this is one of those times.

BEDinhalfanhour · 08/09/2019 05:37
Shock
LiveInAHidingPlace · 08/09/2019 06:14

The only thing that I can think of is that she has just outgrown the friendship and this expensive gift was the final straw and she doesn't have the social skills to bow out gracefully.

I have a friend who I also feel is too close these days and I don't really want to chat to her and stuff. She hasn't done anything wrong, I just don't feel close to her any more.

I wouldn't ditch her in the way your friend has done but I am definitely trying to cool things off.

AliciaQuays · 08/09/2019 06:29

I’d tell her to fuck off.

visitorthedog · 08/09/2019 06:45

The thing is, she’s behaved actually badly and you’re trying to think the best of her, trying to figure out what you might have done wrong, giving her the benefit of the doubt, thinking the best of her.

Conversely, you’ve done nothing wrong yet she’s treating you like shit and apparently assuming the worst of you.

Based on that, I wouldn’t want to try to salvage the friendship.

OldGrinch · 08/09/2019 07:05

This is a long shot but if you are sending her expensive gifts could she think your after more than friendship from her?

flumpybear · 08/09/2019 07:35

She sounds barking! Can't imagine how that present would come across as something to break friends over 👀
I'd ask her husband if she's ok, as she's behaving weirdly ... unless you've missed
Some vital part which you'd like to know about

JustLikeJasper · 08/09/2019 08:03

Very odd

clairethewitch70 · 08/09/2019 09:05

How did you meet? The event you send the wine gift to celebrate- what if she lied and the work situation had gone horribly wrong but didn't tell you? So the gift of the wine went down like a lead balloon?

Original poster
Redshoesandtheblues · 08/09/2019 09:15

Thanks for all your suggestions. I've thought about them all, but nothing seems to fit. Its been like wrestling with a jigsaw puzzle and the last piece just won't fit. Confused

I've decided not to contact husband. I think that would be too invasive.

As for mutual friend, Im leaving her out of it too.

I'm no further forward really.

Just for additional context, I double checked my gift message and amount. All ok there.
I was very careful with message and kept it neutral and not connected with the thing that had been stressing her and coming to a head.

I clearly have fucked up in someway. But I really dont know how.

Her gift to me was a surprise out the blue one. No reason for it, other than I was a great friend and she loved me.

OP posts:
Original poster
Redshoesandtheblues · 08/09/2019 09:18

X post Claire, I didn't know how work situation would end, so didnt even mention as i didn't want gift to be major faux pas.
I simply referred to something she had said about the wine.

OP posts:
Original poster
Redshoesandtheblues · 08/09/2019 09:20

Oh, and I wasn't blowing my own trumpet with....im a great friend, remark. That was her message to me!

OP posts:
BubblegumFactory · 08/09/2019 09:22

Send her a message saying ‘No, YOU fuck off’

InvisibleWomenMustBeRead · 08/09/2019 09:25

How bizarre - maybe she has a problem with alcohol & thinks you're making it worse? Confused

Bumbags · 08/09/2019 09:25

I couldn’t leave this unresolved.

I would need closure and the only way is to contact the husband.

I would say something like this......

Hi Jim
Is everything ok with Amelia? I can’t seem to get hold of her and think I might have inadvertently offended her. Problem is, I don’t know what I’ve done.
If you could possibly give me a heads up so I can sort it out, I’d be really pleased. She’s my best friend and I’m devastated to have upset her.
I really miss her.
Love Redshoes

CandyLeBonBon · 08/09/2019 09:26

I'm so sorry OP. It must be horribly frustrating and very sad for you. Perhaps with time and space she might reach out to you and you'll get to the bottom of it. Here's hoping you get some closure Thanks

MyNewBearTotoro · 08/09/2019 09:28

Do you know if this is out of character for her? The falling out with mutual friend would be a red flag suggesting maybe she has form for just cutting people out of her life. Is she still active on the forum where you met?

Are there any big disparities in your lives? If you earn a lot more than her for example maybe she saw your expensive gift as rubbing it in her face. Or if her work is stressful and yours is great maybe she finds that hard to take? Similarly maybe she’s distancing herself from people with children/ good relationships with their parents/ own homes etc (whatever it is she feels she doesn’t have) because she’s feeling sad she doesn’t have the same. Doesn’t make it right to just ditch people with no explanation, but if she’s under a lot of stress at work it could be affecting her mental health and pushing people away can be quite a common response when things become overwhelming.

Ash39 · 08/09/2019 09:35

I think you need to get to the bottom of this by asking her husband.

I've read this thread, and one thing does stand out for me. OP you've never met her in real life. Am I correct?

I know you say you thought you were close etc etc, but I tend to think people you meet online, you can't ever really know them, without actually spending time together in the real world. Not properly. I would suggest that all is not as it seems.

sleepyhead · 08/09/2019 09:42

I suspect if you really knew her (I know online friendships can be real but they're also a perfect medium for only showing the bits of yourself that you want to), this wouldn't be surprising you.

Her life is likely littered with relationships that ended abruptly when offence was taken at a perceived slight.

You've sent a message leaving the door open for her, now draw a line and try to move on. Don't drive yourself mad trying to work out what you did. It likely wouldn't make any sense to you if you knew.

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