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Original poster

12 years old and 15 years old refuse to go out with us anymore.

121 replies

Gargamel1975 · 31/08/2019 11:58

Is this normal ? Every suggestions of outings is met with a refusal. Let’s go shopping, no. Let’s go out for a meal, no. All they want to do is stay in their bedrooms! We eat all our meals together but that’s it. So it’s just Dh and I now. Anyone in the same situation? Is it just a phase ?

OP posts:
Grambler · 31/08/2019 11:59

Yes.
Except we don't get the meal times. The 15 year old eats in his room.

Creas35 · 31/08/2019 12:00

Tell them if they don’t come out you will cancel the internet! It works xx

Original poster
Gargamel1975 · 31/08/2019 12:01

I see family going out together all the time and their kids are late teens sometimes ! I’m feeling so inadequate as a parent !

OP posts:
Original poster
Gargamel1975 · 31/08/2019 12:02

@Creas35 - we did it and they came out but they had sore faces on the whole time we were out !

OP posts:
Cornishmum00 · 31/08/2019 12:03

I have spent the morning trying to convince 2 teens to do something with me with no success!

Disfordarkchocolate · 31/08/2019 12:07

My nearly 15-year-old comes out with us 90% of the time, I think we are in the minority though so don't worry. I'm surprised they can't be tempted out for nice meals though.

rookiemere · 31/08/2019 12:15

DS13 will come out for very specific things like a steak dinner Grin, but a lot of the time we just go without him, rather than forcing him to drag along.

Notthebradybunch · 31/08/2019 12:15

They come out with us now and
again but sometimes I don't think it's worth the trouble as they just moan through the whole thing! It's that teenage phase, it'll pass!! We like to get out for time to ourselves also.

EmrysAtticus · 31/08/2019 12:18

It's an unsociable few years but they will come out the other side :)

pikapikachu · 31/08/2019 12:18

Are you going to places that you're likely to bump into people that they know? My teens won't go to the local supermarket with me but are sometimes happier to travel further afield

snozzlemaid · 31/08/2019 12:20

Completely normal.
Ds has been like that since being a teen and had never changed from that. But now at 21 he will come out for a meal.
Dd went through a phase of this but has come out the other side. She's now 17 and will happily tag along with us on days out, spends most evenings with us downstairs and enjoys holidaying with us.
So it may be a phase or it may be how it's going to be from now.
They're growing up and that's the way it should be.

Myfanwyprice · 31/08/2019 12:23

Ds is like this, will occasionally come out with us, but more often refuses, I feel a bit sad that he has spent the majority of the summer in his room, but talking to parents of other teens this seems pretty normal.

HeadintheiClouds · 31/08/2019 12:24

Ours can always be tempted by food! Little gannets.

Bunnybigears · 31/08/2019 12:25

Mine wouldnt come shopping but they do come for meals out as they eat like horses and apparently we never have any good food in the house! They don't stay in their rooms though they are always out and about I dont see them from dawn to dusk.

Lweji · 31/08/2019 12:26

I have one. He will come out, but it usually involves bribery or threats. Sometimes there's some sulking.
At least he will sit at the table. And I can usually entice him out to the cinema. I think because there's popcorn and fast food associated.

RB68 · 31/08/2019 12:27

Think of it as an adjustment phase for when they leave uni or work etc

14 yr old here who is welded to her room

Lweji · 31/08/2019 12:28

Also, DS's computer and console is in the living room, so he doesn't get to completely isolate himself. And I can keep an eye on what he's doing online too.

stoneysongs · 31/08/2019 12:28

Mine are the same (13 and 15), I don't like it either.

Contemplating going out to eat at a street food festival tonight - was thinking I might tell them they can either come with us or sort out their own food. That way they will probably come. But now I am thinking I would rather go with just DH and not have to put up with the moaning and 'shall we go now'.

Original poster
Gargamel1975 · 31/08/2019 12:32

I’m glad I have started that thread ! It makes me (us) feel better ! My 12 year has spent the whole summer in her bedroom bar one week when we went on holidays but even there he was in his bedroom most of the time. He has friends just can’t be bothered to see them ! The 15 years old is out with friends all the time or bedroom !

OP posts:
Pipandmum · 31/08/2019 12:38

My kids (14 & 16) will happily come out for a meal. Things like shopping they like to do with their mates.
My 16 year old is out with friends/gym/walking dogs/girlfriend/job. This summer my daughter has decided to reverse her day/night schedule so she doesn’t appear till mid afternoon, but then hangs out in the pool and we eat together and watch tv in the evenings. She doesn’t like seeing many friends over the holidays either.

bumblingbovine49 · 31/08/2019 12:44

DS (14) has gone out with us 3-4times this summer.

Two of those were days out on our 3 day holiday ( the only time we have been away this summer) and he was incredibly grumpy for one of those.

The other two times were things he wanted to do

Otherwise he has stayed at home. He alternates between his room and the back room which leads off the kitchen that has his ps4 in.

Wildorchidz · 31/08/2019 12:46

What is the 12 year old doing in his room? Presumably on his phone or gaming ?

Lweji · 31/08/2019 12:47

A friend took her DD to a psychologist, among other things because she's like most other teenagers I hear about.
But she still agrees to spend time at her friends and goes with mum to work!
Mine almost pushes me out the door so he can be left alone at home.
I welcomed her to the world of parenting a teenager and stop taking her DD not wanting to spend too much time with them personally.

lljkk · 31/08/2019 12:51

Ha! My 15yo whines that I don't spend enough time with him. The 11yo just spent 2.5 days solid with his dad (another 6 hrs together tomorrow).

You can hate me for smuggery but may I just say there are 80 things about us or my family you'd hate. Be careful what you wish for.

NoCauseRebel · 31/08/2019 12:56

Mine will usually come out for meals and into the city and to the theatre etc - he’s sixteen. I don’t like shopping so I don’t blame him for not wanting to come with me. Grin.

Except we don't get the meal times. The 15 year old eats in his room. see I absolutely wouldn’t stand for that and would put my foot down hard. We used to eat meals in front of the TV sometimes but in the past year or so we’ve started eating at the table every night without phones, and that includes me...

He wouldn’t dare saying that he was going to eat in his room.

He does spend a lot of time away from me and that’s generally quite normal as he’d rather be with his friends than with me. But I had friends over last week for a bbq and he was incredibly sociable, didn’t stay in his room and even helped me with the bbq and to serve our guests.