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Original poster

12 years old and 15 years old refuse to go out with us anymore.

121 replies

Gargamel1975 · 31/08/2019 11:58

Is this normal ? Every suggestions of outings is met with a refusal. Let’s go shopping, no. Let’s go out for a meal, no. All they want to do is stay in their bedrooms! We eat all our meals together but that’s it. So it’s just Dh and I now. Anyone in the same situation? Is it just a phase ?

OP posts:
AuntieMarys · 31/08/2019 12:56

Nothing new. I am 60 and wouldn't have been seen dead with my parents at 15

Gottoloveabagel · 31/08/2019 12:59

@NoCauseRebel I agree mine will not be eating in their rooms either!

My eldest is 13 and she enjoys time with us, hopefully it will continue a bit longer!! But then I liked going out with my parents as a teen

Missillusioned · 31/08/2019 13:06

Believe me, it's even worse when you're a single parent. Very lonely!

Mine are not allowed meals in their rooms. Everyone eats at the table without phones.

But otherwise they don't want to do anything with me unless it's shopping for something they want that I'm paying for. And I'm not allowed to look at anything else while we're out.

I have tried dragging them out, but then they ruin the outing by constantly asking 'can we go now' and being general sulky fun sponges 🙄

Nousernameforme · 31/08/2019 13:11

Meh I've got two who have gone through this and come out the other end and one who is just starting it.
Don't get worked up about it it isn't just parenting styles but also personal preference. Now I just plan a day out and say I'm doing such and such whose interested. Invariably none of them are but occasionally I can drag one or two with me on the promise of food

ProfYaffle · 31/08/2019 13:11

Mine are 12 and 15 and very similar. They do come out with us when it's stuff they fancy but if they don't want to come, by and large, I don't force it. It's quite nice when dh and I get to go out alone.

Belledan1 · 31/08/2019 13:12

My 12 year old the same. Comes out if i promise him breakfast as nice cafe thats on the outskirts of town so wont see anyone. He has done a few things on hols with friends after pushing and came on holiday but not interested in anything else. I thought this summer hols be easier ie. first one without organising childcare but i think i preferred it paying out for it least i knew he was out and about doing stuff.

Belledan1 · 31/08/2019 13:14

Meant to say says in room etc xbox tv. you tube.

Rainbowknickers · 31/08/2019 13:14

Someone once told me that
‘They go into their rooms aged about 13 and you see them next at about 17 and they have turned into nice people in that time’
So bloody true
My stepdaughter (aged 16) would rather chew her own toes off than come out with us in public
(But saying that she will come out sometimes but that’s only in the last fortnight or so)

Shockers · 31/08/2019 13:15

Are you planning the kind of things that would interest them?

Anchovies12 · 31/08/2019 13:17

My 13 and 15 year old are the same. I win them over by only asking them to come shopping when I plan to buy them stuff or going to the cinema when it's something they want to see or for meals at restaurants I know they like. You get the idea (bribery basically...!)

sweetmusic · 31/08/2019 13:18

I remember from 14/15ish not wanting to do anything with my parents or family stuff. Then once I got a bit older (18 or so) and realised actually my mum and dad ARE awesome and I love spending time with them. I think it’s a totally normal phase for teens.

Belledan1 · 31/08/2019 13:18

I was just thinking about the holidays. He was ok but bit moody and like it was my fault the waves were not good in the sea!! HARD LIFE!!

CherieBabySpliffUp · 31/08/2019 13:25

My nearly 11 year old is like this. I'm hoping she'll come out the other side by the time she's out of her teens Smile

Plasebeafleabite · 31/08/2019 13:28

DS13 will come out for very specific things like a steak dinner

Rather like a zoo keeper encouraging the big cats out of their den for a weekly check on their well-being

Abstractedobstructed · 31/08/2019 13:32

My 12 year old is still as sweet as pie, occasionally stays in if it's a supermarket shop or jaunt to the park (but came to supermarket to choose a card for his Granny's birthday). 15 year old loves shopping but often shows up to meals late. 17 year old will say if he wants a meal or not and if he wants to join us on a trip -always offered, occasionally comes along. All will come to meals out and all came on holiday, tho 17 year old chose not to join for some days out.

ExpletiveDelighted · 31/08/2019 13:34

Mine still like coming out with us but one stays in his room a lot when he's at home and the other prefers cooking her own dinner to eating with us. It's all just stages in growing up.

KUGA · 31/08/2019 13:35

If they don`t want to go out with you and DH than fine.
If you force them they would probably make your life a misery.
Enjoy the peace.

Pinkblueberry · 31/08/2019 13:39

I think 15 years old that can be normal - but it sounds like your 12 year old is just picking up your 15 year olds attitude which isn’t great.

TowerRingInferno · 31/08/2019 13:40

My 11 yo is like this. The 14 yo went through a similar phase but has recently come out of it and now wants to do things with us which is lovely.

Blazingatrail · 31/08/2019 13:47

My 14 going to be 15 year old won’t be seen dead with me, but will come shopping if we can guarantee there is no chance of seeing anyone ever. I also have a 12 year old that isn’t so bad on that front, but I am sure it is coming!

It’s not easy figuring out what they are prepared to do, I am really having to adapt my expectations as we used to do so much as a family.

We have had a pedicure together this summer, she walks the dog every day with her sister. She likes to bake and cook so we do that together regularly, she also likes cycling (away from home) she plays tennis with her friends and dh.

I am sure she would spend more time in her room if she could, we came to an agreement at the beg of the holidays: 1 hour of exercise, walks dog, gets some fresh air, reads and does something productive once a day. We agreed she would see friends twice a week. We live rurally so she can’t just go out by herself, but I am happy to drive her anywhere. She seems to much prefer being in constant contact with her friends on line. I feel she needs to also see them in person. So we agreed on this, it’s been okay. Still a lot of screen time for my liking though....

dexterslockedintheshedagain · 31/08/2019 13:51

We only have a 12yr old, but we're the same!

Blazingatrail · 31/08/2019 13:51

I didn’t spend any time with my parents at this age, I found them so annoying! Some space to develop and grow is a good and natural thing.
If you are worried about too much time inside, agree some limits together.

EmperorBallpitine · 31/08/2019 13:58

My 13 year old loves to hang about with her brother and sister (younger), she does spend quite a lot of time in her room or curled up in a corner somewhere on her phone. She is not very mature for her age though and I expect the days out will end soon.

Knackeredmommy · 31/08/2019 14:06

Mine are 11 and 14 and will come to the cinema or out for food. We eat together and the laptop is downstairs so they have no choice but to be in the living room. The 3 of us just did a week away and they spent most of it in the room. I sunbathed myself, they were happy though!
I'm sure it'll pass.

mamaduckbone · 31/08/2019 14:06

13yo absolutely won't go anywhere that he might bump into his mates, but is happy to go out to eat, always - food is one of his main hobbies! He will also come out with us for a day further afield as long as we don't push it and he has plenty of time left alone/out with friends as well.

10yo thankfully hasn't got to that stage yet so we've hung out together loads over the summer without ds1. It's been rather nice, as he's usually overpowered by his much louder big brother.