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Original poster

12 years old and 15 years old refuse to go out with us anymore.

121 replies

Gargamel1975 · 31/08/2019 11:58

Is this normal ? Every suggestions of outings is met with a refusal. Let’s go shopping, no. Let’s go out for a meal, no. All they want to do is stay in their bedrooms! We eat all our meals together but that’s it. So it’s just Dh and I now. Anyone in the same situation? Is it just a phase ?

OP posts:
Adversecamber22 · 31/08/2019 14:17

DS does spend a lot of time in his room but always comes down for dinner and we do play board games occasionally. We also watch a box set an evening a week and we sometimes game on our consoles together. Our consoles were in the same room till he was almost 16, gaming together was what kept us more unified I feel. His friends were always quite jealous he had a gaming Mum.

He has a GF now, she comes for lunch on Sunday and we often play a board game after lunch together.

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 31/08/2019 14:34

I'm getting this now with 12yo DD. Now she has the freedom to choose, she'll stay babysitting the xbox.

If its something exciting like dinner or cinema she'll go with me. If its just boring normal stuff she wont. Half the time she completely ignores me unless she's hungry or needs me for something.

billy1966 · 31/08/2019 14:44

House full of teens here and they do love their own rooms.

However, they do not have PS4/ TVs etc in their rooms.
They definitely wouldn't be allowed to eat meals in their bedroom.
I think that is a dreadful habit.
All meals are eaten at a table.
Of course, they snack in their bedroom, sweets etc.
We don't go out much as a family as they have busy lives and love their down time.
We do all share a sport together so we have that.
They will come out for dinner at the drop of a hat as they all love ethnic food.
Other than that, we don't go out together.

If I felt they were spending too much time in their rooms, turning the wifi off has them scuttling out like fat pigs from under a rock👍🤣

DaffyDuck473 · 31/08/2019 14:51

Ours come out with us for things like a day out, meals, sometimes my 16 year old will come to the shops with me.
14 year old less so, likes to go out with friends a lot more than hang out with us!

QueenOfWinterfell · 31/08/2019 15:18

This is completely normal. Teens need their own space away from their parents in order to develop. I’m sure you and your friends didn’t spend all of your teens with your parents!

Fairylea · 31/08/2019 15:24

My 16 year old dd sleeps in till 12ish and then works as a waitress from 6-11 a few nights a week, the other evenings she’s usually either in or out with friends! We barely see her. She starts 6th form next week so I guess it’s all part of growing up. If we do have a special day out planned she will come but we don’t really give her a choice, we just say we’re doing xxxx on xxxx and that’s that, and she’s happy to come along, but we don’t do stuff together often to be honest. It’s sad really but normal I think!

SweetMarmalade · 31/08/2019 15:52

Ds (12, almost 13) has spent quite a bit of time in his room this summer. He does talk to a couple of friends online on the Xbox, watches YouTube and reads. I’m sure I wouldn’t see him at all somedays if I didn’t insist he comes down for food!

He does however still enjoy coming out with us, if it’s something he loves especially, and he will walk into town with us, hasn’t really cringed at the thought of bumping into school friends..yet! He loves going on the train, enjoys nature and likes visiting museums especially military ones, etc. I can take him shopping if it’s somewhere he likes and he has (nearly passed out) stood in a shop while I tried on a dress and he gave me his opinion on it (gasp) which was lovely Grin

I have found it hard this summer though, I’ve felt that we haven’t done enough together and I’ve felt incredibly guilty that I’ve let him stay in his room quite a bit, although he’s quite happy with this, I’m not though but understand that this will happen increasingly more as time goes on!

I’m glad you posted this thread OP as I was feeling a bit flat about these few weeks he’s had away from school, time I felt could have been used more productively! Still, Y7 has been a hard year for him so I think he deserved a lot of downtime.

RedElephants · 31/08/2019 15:52

This is my very almost 18 year old to a T.....!!

12 years old and 15 years old refuse to go out with us anymore.
RedElephants · 31/08/2019 15:55

My very almost 21 year old however, took ME to the Zoo for my Birthday to see the Elephants....Smile

SweetMarmalade · 31/08/2019 15:56

Redelephants Grin

Troels · 31/08/2019 16:12

@RedElephants That is so funny and sadly true.
My almost 15 year old is attached to her room. We have now put restrictions on her x-box use and she will turn up for food and go to the shops if involves food, or a visit to the games shop.
Her deamenor is quite pleasant so I don't get on her too much. Teen years are hard. My boys did the same (without smart phones and an older gaming sysytem) and are now successful adults, I so I don't worry too much.

Blazingatrail · 31/08/2019 16:13

I am god awful cook, I have actually found this has helped no end with my teenagers, they jump at the chance of eating something vaguely edible when we go out. They have decided quite rightly they can do better, and now cook themselves and me dinner when they are bored or in the mood ( a bonus!! ) and they haven’t been affected by the obesity crisis given my burnt offerings are largely untouched or scratched at with a fork before finding its way to the bin when I turn my back! The eyeball rolling and gagging sounds you get accustomed to in time Grin

SweetMarmalade · 31/08/2019 16:21

Blazing, I’m not a great cook either so I’m hoping this encourages Ds to do the same as your dc Grin every cloud...

Ellatreetop · 31/08/2019 16:25

Thank you for starting this post, I've been so worried about my 14 yo who has spent most of the summer in his room, very occasionally he meets friends at the park and plays football or goes for a sleepover. I've suggested numerous activities to tempt him out with me and his younger siblings or just me in my own with no avail. He just seems so ungrateful! I'm so glad that this seems to be usual teen behaviour. Yesterday he had to go out with us to get a new school uniform, we drove past some of his school friends and he told me off for waving at them, clearly I'm just too embarrassing to be seen with

dexterslockedintheshedagain · 31/08/2019 17:22

It's so reassuring to hear that my DD behaviour is normal. I thought I was doing something wrong!

Original poster
Gargamel1975 · 31/08/2019 18:05

I wish I started this thread at the beginning of the summer ! I was feeling really sad, I was saying to Dh this week, that we are getting a glimpse of what it’s going to be when the kids fly the nest !

The upside from this situation is that Dh and I have lots of time for each other now, it’s strange as our relationship have taken a back seat for so long ! We go on drinks together, cinema (although the kids are also invited but refuse to come), brunches, runs ...so we are closer than ever ! I’m feeling so much better and less guilty after talking to you lot !

OP posts:
Justgivemesomepeace · 31/08/2019 18:13

My 16 yr old comes out with us but shes so obnoxious and seems to really dislike us so i wish she wouldnt. I dont understand it. We have a 6 yr old and they bicker constantly so every outing is a bloody nightmare. She always asks 'what are we doing today?'. I think she feels its part of my role as a parent to entertain her. She has friends and boyfriend. I just wish she'd bugger off with them more often.

SweetMarmalade · 31/08/2019 18:19

Justgiveme, yep I feel like I’m events coordinator when we’re on holiday. Dp usually leaves it up to me too so I’m constantly on the look out for something different to do!

AlbertWinestein · 31/08/2019 18:26

I’d genuinely be a bit worried if my (non existent) 12 year old had spent the whole summer in their room. That’s not good for anyone’s head space.

My teens spend loads of time with us because we expect them to. Obviously that doesn’t always mean they are jumping with joy at the prospect, but we have one day a week where we get to hang out as a family. We go do stuff that everyone enjoys.

Get rid of the electronics from their room and bring it into the shared family space and don’t tolerate rudeness. Just because they’re teenagers doesn’t mean they have to be a dickhead!

Paperdolly · 31/08/2019 18:47

Have a look on info sights about the brain changes going on for teenagers. You won’t get anywhere by arguments. This stage lasts until they’re in their 20s. As they’d say; chill. 😂

Rachelover40 · 31/08/2019 19:33

It's a phase, Gargamel, and not at all unusual.

Original poster
Gargamel1975 · 31/08/2019 20:11

Thank you Rachelover40 😘

OP posts:
BarbedBloom · 31/08/2019 20:51

I was the same in the 90s, just sat in my room reading. It is normal, part of separating from your parents before you later leave home. I do agree with tailoring things to their interests sometimes though, mum always wanted to go shopping and I hate shopping even now.

I will say, we live in a street with a lot of kids but I saw none outside this summer. It was the same last year and seems to be the same when I visit friends or family too. Kids don't really seem to play out much anymore.

ShadyMeLady · 31/08/2019 21:00

I think I’m in the minority, my 15 year old comes most places with me and sits down with me every evening and is only really in her room in the morning until lunch time.

I’m a single parent to 3 DC though and I had her very young, we get on really well. I’m actually more worried about her in that she has only seen her mates once these holidays Confused. She’s very popular and is naturally outgoing, she talks to her friends every day, she just chooses to spend her time with me. This may be the last summer though! I’ve tried to encourage her to go out but she says she likes chilling is lazy

ShadyMeLady · 31/08/2019 21:01

She also likes to play out with the children on the street, in a cul de sac of 4 houses there’s 13 children from age 1 to 15 and they all spend the majority of the day playing out the front. It’s lovely they all get on well.