Does anyone else have a running monologue of mean thoughts in their head

[Rapidmama]

I’ve been meaning to post this for a while and I’m due a name change soon so I’ll probably do afterwards

I noticed a while ago that I seem to have a running monologue of actually really mean thoughts in my head. I’m not a horrible person, have good friends, respected at work, kind to small children and animals, but the more I’ve noticed it the more I’ve started questioning what’s wrong with me.

For example when I first noticed it I was walking into work and ran into a colleague I get on really well with. Then I just thought “god they are really ugly shoes”. It I was completely unconscious, it just popped into my head.

Since then I’ve noticed it more and more and I’m wondering if it’s just me or is everyone walking around thinking quite bloody mean things about people.

Another example was on a telephone conference and the other person was kind of stumbling over a question and I noticed myself saying “fucking hurry up you bloody thicko”. I would NEVER voice that out-loud and would be furious with my DC if they called anyone a thicko.

God he’s put on some weight
She’s got a bloody annoying voice
Why would you wear that dress

It just seems to be running through my head all bloody day. I don’t think I’ve always done it or maybe I have and I’ve only just tuned in but I’m hoping I’m not the only one

Yep ..I think it's fine though if you also recognise that it would be horrible to say it and you wouldn't want to upset someone.

I have this a lot too!

What formerbabe said 🤐

Yes, I assumed everyone did.

Ohhhh yes.

My inner bitch is huge, so much so I’m convinced she’ll need to bust out of me at some point, for my own survival.

Oh thank god. I was starting to think I was some kind of sociopath just acting like a nice person

Yes!

No. I don't do this.

I have a quick question though. Because you have this highly critical monologue about the people in your life constantly running in the background, do you assume that everyone is being highly critical of you?

Sometimes. I’m very polite and friendly but sometimes the words in my head are the evil opposite of what comes out of my mouth.

Yep! Never say things like that but do think them often. I’m always told I’m friendly and approachable. Inside though, I suspect I’m a massive bitch 😂

Nope. Not at all. To be honest I’m usually pretty self absorbed and any voices in my head are about things on my to do list or how I’m going to approach something at work or how unfit I’m feeling.... basically all me me me

Yes but it’s not permanent and I’ve learned that when this is happening it’s usually when I’m not feeling great about myself or am stressed about something. Like if I’m stressed I suddenly notice every little annoying thing whereas if things are going ok for me I don’t notice those things in the first place.

Maybe there’s something similar going on with you OP?

Sometimes. About half the time I’m thinking very nice things and half the time mean things (“her teeth are so awful, why doesn’t she do anything about it? ... oh, he has a nice telephone voice ... she’s so annoying ... oh I love her outfit, I wish I could make an outfit work like that ...”)

do you assume that everyone is being highly critical of you?

I do and then it makes me feel even worse and more nasty thoughts develop. Bad cycle. I have to remind myself often that nobody is even looking at/thinking about me let alone criticising.

No, i don't do this at all. It's quite horrible to think so many people do actually.

but I would think, 'wow, isn't it fascinating that she chose those shoes, I wonder what made her buy them. Isn't taste an individual thing...how amazing!'

no you wouldn’t! Come on now!

Mmmmmm no I don't think everyone is being critical of me I don't think. I'm very self critical though. I probably hold myself to a much higher standard than I hold other people too.

I do also think nice things and I always tell someone, even strangers, if I notice something nice about them.

I don't tend to think physical things about people though OP, I tend to be critical of things like their work or their driving. My driving bitch is awful

Wow, no, I don’t do this. I’m not perfect or Pollyanna, but my inner voice tends towards empathy and curiosity (or plain old nosiness).

How disturbing to think there are possibly people around me silently thinking shitty thoughts about me, dp, our kids. 😕

I do too.
My inner voices tend to direct negativity towards me though.

“Why the fuck did you say that you fucking dick” kind of thing.
Or
“She knows you are a fucking thick twat and don’t know what you are talking about”.

Big time, all the time.
Towards others tends to be admiration or the voices questioning what they think about me. Usually very very negative and very very loud.

I wish the voices would fuck off.

Oh god yes! I'm lovely and kind and absolutely non judgemental. I honestly couldn't give a shit what anyone looks like or chooses to wear etc. However, a separate part of me, one that I don't agree with, constantly passes comment on other people - red rum wants his teeth back, who've they come as, she could eat an apple through a letterbox etc. I don't even mean it but the crazy voice in my head just carries on regardless!

@64sNewName, I don’t tend to do it towards kids much! You don’t ever randomly think “fuck that kid is annoying” or “why doesn’t his mother wipe his nose” or anything like that?

Only with PMT