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Original poster

Does anyone else have a running monologue of mean thoughts in their head

110 replies

Rapidmama · 30/08/2019 18:26

Blush

I’ve been meaning to post this for a while and I’m due a name change soon so I’ll probably do afterwards Wink

I noticed a while ago that I seem to have a running monologue of actually really mean thoughts in my head. I’m not a horrible person, have good friends, respected at work, kind to small children and animals, but the more I’ve noticed it the more I’ve started questioning what’s wrong with me.

For example when I first noticed it I was walking into work and ran into a colleague I get on really well with. Then I just thought “god they are really ugly shoes”. It I was completely unconscious, it just popped into my head.

Since then I’ve noticed it more and more and I’m wondering if it’s just me or is everyone walking around thinking quite bloody mean things about people.

Another example was on a telephone conference and the other person was kind of stumbling over a question and I noticed myself saying “fucking hurry up you bloody thicko”. I would NEVER voice that out-loud and would be furious with my DC if they called anyone a thicko.

God he’s put on some weight
She’s got a bloody annoying voice
Why would you wear that dress

It just seems to be running through my head all bloody day. I don’t think I’ve always done it or maybe I have and I’ve only just tuned in but I’m hoping I’m not the only one

OP posts:
PushingThru · 30/08/2019 19:04

You're only noticing you think those things because you're a nice enough person to never say them. I wouldn't worry about it.

JoxerGoesToStuttgart · 30/08/2019 19:05

How disturbing to think there are possibly people around me silently thinking shitty thoughts about me, dp, our kids.

Very naive to think there wouldn’t be tbh. Look how nasty the world is. Even MN can be pretty vile thanks to the mask of anonymity.

Crowdo · 30/08/2019 19:05

I do sometimes, yeah. Or I think really kind things about people too. I'm really capricious.

An example of this is how I nearly always stop to let people out when I'm driving, but also at the same time enjoy shouting abusive things at drivers that I don't mean (and they can't hear).

Original poster
Rapidmama · 30/08/2019 19:07

@crowdo YES!

I can wave someone out one minute and the next minute be calling someone a silly wanker in my head!

OP posts:
DuggeesWoggle · 30/08/2019 19:12

Yes I do this, it's like my brain needs an outlet for my seething rage when things are irritating me but being British I just pretend I'm cool with it.

Sometimes when I am feeling much more relaxed and chilled with life I am more benign with my thoughts and often I just don't think anything at all. So I'm only secretly a bitch 1/3 of the time Grin

NotTonightJosepheen · 30/08/2019 19:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SlurplePurple · 30/08/2019 19:13

I can’t remember the name of the tv programme but there’s an annoying guy who constantly talks in his own voice like the voice in his head? I’m probably not describing it well at all.
But my inner voice is like that. It never stops. Right now while I’m dictating this message my inner voice is trying to take me off on tangents about something that’s happening tomorrow.
My inner voice can be mean, nice, normal, boring. It never stops unless I’m asleep. It wakes when I wake and sleeps when I sleep. It drives me crazy.

Catbrat · 30/08/2019 19:14

I do this a lot, I'll often be talking to someone and be thinking 'god your boring/ugly/annoying/thick' but I'm totally polite and wouldn't dream of saying it, If I'm hormonal or had a bad day the thoughts are worse, like someone will be walking slow Infront of me, or my OH will do something to bug me and I will think 'I could quite happily smash your face in/murder you/kick you in the balls.
I'm not at all aggressive and wouldn't actually do it, but I think it.
I'm glad I'm not the only one with nasty thoughts, ive often thought that it must just be me, now I know it's not, I'll be wondering what people are thinking about me lol

colourlessgreenidea · 30/08/2019 19:15

Sometimes. I’m very polite and friendly but sometimes the words in my head are the evil opposite of what comes out of my mouth.

Yes, absolutely this.

I also have that thing where if I’m walking across a bridge I wonder what it would be like to jump off, for example. I am definitely not suicidal or depressed, I think it’s just that in any situation there’s a small part of me that cannot help but think ‘what would be the absolute worst thing I could say/do right now?’ e.g. jump off a bridge, kiss someone randomly, take my top off, tell someone they’re an arse, and so on.

colourlessgreenidea · 30/08/2019 19:17

I can’t remember the name of the tv programme but there’s an annoying guy who constantly talks in his own voice like the voice in his head?

Peep Show?

NCBabyBoy · 30/08/2019 19:19

OP, they sound like intrusive thoughts. They're harmless (unless you feel a desire to act on them), but can be very disturbing. I have intrusions about selfharm and suicide when I get stressed - I would never even contemplate acting on them.

SlurplePurple · 30/08/2019 19:22

Yes peep show! Thank you.

colourlessgreenidea · 30/08/2019 19:22

How disturbing to think there are possibly people around me silently thinking shitty thoughts about me, dp, our kids

Why? You don’t ever know what anyone is really thinking about you, you can’t control what people think about you, and the thoughts inside someone else’s head don’t affect you in any way or have any influence on your life, so why would it disturb you?

Welltroddenpath · 30/08/2019 19:26

Yes when I’m feeling a bit sorry for myself and a lot when I’m driving. I don’t do road rage at all, but in my head 50% of the road users that are incompetent fuckwits who should be banned ASAP. I just think it’s a stress reliever

InsertFunnyUsername · 30/08/2019 19:28

Yes I have this, and often when people are talking I add my own thoughts in my head of course.

No one gives a shit Aye ye did God you're so boring Shut up already

I dont even know why I do it, I would understand if I was unhappy in life or really hate the person but it could be the lady at checkout Blush

OwnerofanAngryCat · 30/08/2019 19:29

Yes, a sweary mean monologue. About annoying children, bad hair, screaming children, phone gawpers, beggars with those hand written signs on bits of cardboard that end with 'god bless',, do they order them on line, or is it a sort of communal sign th st they share?,

Elmo311 · 30/08/2019 19:30

I think it's normal!

Welltroddenpath · 30/08/2019 19:32

I must say apart from when I’m driving I don’t tend to direct bad thoughts to strangers. They are normally directed at my dysfunctional extended family, who at other times don’t really enter my thoughts that much. I really don’t think like that about people’s looks etc, just the dickish things they do. Like my FIL keeps inviting dh on holidays and paying for him. but me and kids are never welcome, however my bil wife always goes. So if I wake up angry it’s more that thought pops into my head.

NotTonightJosepheen · 30/08/2019 19:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MeggyMeg · 30/08/2019 19:37

We must all do this to some extent. I wouldn't say I have a running monolgienin my head, but I certainly don't always share my thoughts let's put it that way. Today we met some new people and I didn't take to one of them. In my head I was thinking how odd she was , but I was smiley to her face. That type of thing.

JoxerGoesToStuttgart · 30/08/2019 19:38

Why? You don’t ever know what anyone is really thinking about you, you can’t control what people think about you, and the thoughts inside someone else’s head don’t affect you in any way or have any influence on your life, so why would it disturb you?

Exactly. Other people’s opinions of you are none of your business.

Don’t know about anyone else but am very hard on myself for having mean thoughts like the ones talked about in this thread. I internally (And sometimes outwardly! Blush) chastise myself for being a prick. even thought it didn’t impact or hurt the person at all. My mean thoughts Upset no-one but myself.

NotTonightJosepheen · 30/08/2019 19:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OooErMissus · 30/08/2019 19:40

I think everybody has this to a greater or lesser extent - even if it's only rarely, or triggered by being unhappy or stressed.

No-one but no-one only ever thinks positive or neutral thoughts.

It's not possible or realistic.

We all judge.

Anyone who says they never, ever do has no self-awareness.

You only have to look at social media - including Mumsnet - to see that what and how people really think is quite often negatively and unkindly.

It's almost easier for the human condition to default to judgment, meanness, even cruelty. Violence even, in the case of a significant minority(?) of men (rape threats, etc).

I'm not saying everyone thinks like this routinely, but everyone does have these thoughts from time-to-time.

If you think they're increasing, then that's maybe something to examine.

DeniseRoyal · 30/08/2019 19:43

All the time. I have accepted that I am quite a vile person on the inside 😂

64sNewName · 30/08/2019 20:01

@colourlessgreenidea

Your points of logic seem wholly irrelevant to my reaction, which is fundamentally an emotional one. I’m not sure why you’re interrogating me about it?

After all, as you point out yourself, what’s happening in my head doesn’t affect you in any way :/