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Original poster

Does anyone else have a running monologue of mean thoughts in their head

110 replies

Rapidmama · 30/08/2019 18:26

Blush

I’ve been meaning to post this for a while and I’m due a name change soon so I’ll probably do afterwards Wink

I noticed a while ago that I seem to have a running monologue of actually really mean thoughts in my head. I’m not a horrible person, have good friends, respected at work, kind to small children and animals, but the more I’ve noticed it the more I’ve started questioning what’s wrong with me.

For example when I first noticed it I was walking into work and ran into a colleague I get on really well with. Then I just thought “god they are really ugly shoes”. It I was completely unconscious, it just popped into my head.

Since then I’ve noticed it more and more and I’m wondering if it’s just me or is everyone walking around thinking quite bloody mean things about people.

Another example was on a telephone conference and the other person was kind of stumbling over a question and I noticed myself saying “fucking hurry up you bloody thicko”. I would NEVER voice that out-loud and would be furious with my DC if they called anyone a thicko.

God he’s put on some weight
She’s got a bloody annoying voice
Why would you wear that dress

It just seems to be running through my head all bloody day. I don’t think I’ve always done it or maybe I have and I’ve only just tuned in but I’m hoping I’m not the only one

OP posts:
tryingtobebetterallthetime · 30/08/2019 21:30

Just to clarify, I didn't kill anyone, even in a fantasy. My evilness was more benign than that, but it still bothered me.

peridito · 30/08/2019 21:33

colourlessgreenidea

I also have that thing where if I’m walking across a bridge I wonder what it would be like to jump off, for example. I am definitely not suicidal or depressed, I think it’s just that in any situation there’s a small part of me that cannot help but think ‘what would be the absolute worst thing I could say/do right now?’ e.g. jump off a bridge, kiss someone randomly, take my top off, tell someone they’re an arse, and so on.

yes ,yes ,me too .

More like intrusive thoughts I guess .

Must be exhausting to have a continual running monologue in your head .

NeelixFelicis · 30/08/2019 21:37

I also have that thing where if I’m walking across a bridge I wonder what it would be like to jump off, for example. I am definitely not suicidal or depressed, I think it’s just that in any situation there’s a small part of me that cannot help but think ‘what would be the absolute worst thing I could say/do right now?’ e.g. jump off a bridge, kiss someone randomly, take my top off, tell someone they’re an arse, and so on.

Call of the void, I think it's called.

I used to get it with my late MIL, the urge to throw my cup of tea in her face. Even though she was lovely Grin

NotTonightJosepheen · 30/08/2019 21:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NeelixFelicis · 30/08/2019 21:40

Obviously this isn't unheard of OP, people have made memes about it Grin

Does anyone else have a running monologue of mean thoughts in their head
LoseLooseLucy · 30/08/2019 21:40

I have "the imp of the perverse" worse when I'm driving, a horrible feeling that I could just veer my car into oncoming traffic.

peridito · 30/08/2019 21:41

What Not Tonight said . What a lovely way to be with your class .

EnthusiasmIsDisturbed · 30/08/2019 21:42

Not all the time but certainly when I have pmt

And as I get older. I am actually enjoying becoming a miserable old bitch Grin

Newbie1981 · 30/08/2019 21:46

God yes! And they're so funny that it pains me that I can't use them and show everyone how funny I am when I being mean 🤪

colourlessgreenidea · 30/08/2019 21:52

Call of the void, I think it's called.

Thank you! I was grasping for that phrase and couldn’t remember it.

I used to get it with my late MIL, the urge to throw my cup of tea in her face. Even though she was lovely

I get that too! Grin

Rojelio · 30/08/2019 21:56

I think this is mostly quite normal... I suppose it is only a problem if you act on it or if it gets you down.
I find these thoughts tend to amuse me like some other posters ... for example there's a sexist twat in my office and when he is spouting shite I tend to be thinking well exactly what I think about him it doesn't make me feel angry just amuses me to let it out in my head if not in real life... I don't ever think about what people think about me I just don't care I assume similar to me but if it helps them not to actually throttle me then crack on Grin

EmmiJay · 30/08/2019 22:02

Yep. I do it all the time. I'm actually a Mean Girl in my head. I never say anything... however... my face might say it for me. Now that I have no control over 😂

MyCatsHat · 30/08/2019 22:07

This reminds me of a bit in a Bill Bryson book I read ages ago, where he describes two old ladies who are irritating him by holding up a queue or something, and he imagines kneeing them in the head. It was funny - because of the comedy way it was written, but also because it was so bad, but you kind of recognised that feeling.

fandabbyfannyflutters · 30/08/2019 22:16

Neelix 🤣🤣🤣i thought i was the only one to get the urge to kiss/touch someone particularly in an inappropriate situation
I once had a serious meeting with someone and this naughty voice just kept telling me to grab her boob and my rational voice was telling naughty voice to fuck off and I was just desperately trying not to laugh out loud or grab this persons boob it is crazy

colourlessgreenidea · 30/08/2019 22:22

I once had a serious meeting with someone and this naughty voice just kept telling me to grab her boob and my rational voice was telling naughty voice to fuck off and I was just desperately trying not to laugh out loud or grab this persons boob it is crazy

Have you ever watched ‘Nurse Jackie’? One of the doctors does exactly this. Grin

raspberryk · 30/08/2019 22:24

Yes I do, it often comes out too. Makes my dp laugh. Mumsnet don't appreciate it on the whole.

ValerianV · 30/08/2019 22:24

Not with people I physically interact with, it's not my default but I did notice recently that I had a problem with photos on facebook.

It started with one person who posts a gazillion photos per day, you know the type - "broke my nail" and posts a pic of said nail with the Gucci handbag placed strategically in the background or "my little cherub" and her baby is at the very bottom left of the pic and her new feature wall is captured beautifully in the "background".

I started internally making negative comments on her photos and I think I eventually I looked for negative things in everyone's photos. Even when a lovely photo was posted I found myself scanning it looking for something negative, I think it was habit forming. I have now stopped it and force myself to find something positive to say about every photo...even if it is a nice button on a horrible dress :D

Ohyesiam · 30/08/2019 22:25

I don’t really do what you describe op, but I’m known as a good listener. That is fine when people have something to get of their chest, or they want to solve a problem, but when someone just monologues endlessly about some hobby/ achievement if theirs I do stand there thinking “ why do they think I would be interested? Do they actually know I’m a living being or am i just like a bit of recoding equipment which they can talk into”

Fizzypoo · 30/08/2019 22:36

I get the imp of perverse and imagine snogging my manager in a meeting ect. When I was a naughty teenager I would get urges to jump on a table and start singing and dancing, which I did act on 🤣

I only get negative thoughts about people when I'm not so happy in life. I judge the way others may live their lives and bitch about it to my dp. When I'm happy I'm curious about why people do what they do.

My bitchyness isn't directed at clothing choices or looks, it's more like judging around others lifestyle choices, for example someone I know gets absolutely wasted with her young children in the house on a week night and moans that she doesn't get me time. When I'm stressed and cared out from work she annoys me when I'm happy in myself I feel sorry for her and her children and think about making a childrens service referral

There is a person who irritates me, whether I'm happy or not. She has a disability and constantly blogs about how the world isn't set up for her. She really irritates me, I work with older teens who have had really tough lives (like unaccompanied asylum seeker children who have had awful trauma) and she believes no one has it as hard as she does and it's unfair on her for the help they get (if they gain their leave to remain they gain care leaver benefits such as not paying council tax till they're 25). I have a running monologue of bitchy thoughts when she starts talking, I've solved it by unfollowing her on fb and reminding myself that this moment will pass when I can't avoid her.

Sparkles57 · 30/08/2019 22:40

Haven’t RTFT but omg yes I used to spend a lot of time thinking god what an awful haircut or she’s a terrible dancer etc etc and feeling quite smug about my own positive points compared to other people. I was fucking miserable at that point and used to wonder what people were thinking of me when I danced or went out etc.

Nowadays I’m much more relaxed and if anything I admire people’s confidence. I went on a night out last weekend and there was a lady in our group (friend of a friend) wearing “different” clothes to the rest of us, but she was up dancing and looked like she was having a wonderful time, and honestly all I felt was happy that she was having fun! I do sometimes get fleeting thoughts that people look at me and think god she’s fat and uncool, but honestly deep down I just feel sorry for them, because I’m having a good time, enjoying other people having fun and enjoying the positive qualities in everyone as much as I can!

I actually can’t explain how empowering it is to look at someone who previously I would have thought was unattractive or weird and think “good on you!”

Nicetablecloth · 30/08/2019 23:05

The internal monologue - omg yes. Not always mean but I wish my head would STFU sometimes.

fandabbyfannyflutters · 30/08/2019 23:18

@colourlessgreenidea no!!! OMG maybe it's actually a thing then and I'm not as mental as I tell myself

I also imagine when sat in very serious and professional meetings just doing a high pitched squeal or yelling cunt randomly

MyCatsHat · 30/08/2019 23:26

As a child in school assembly I used to terrify myself myself by thinking I could just stand up and start running around shrieking. I was v quiet and well behaved so it was just an appalling thought. It was mental torture but I worried about it every time!

Original poster
Rapidmama · 30/08/2019 23:35

I don’t think it’s so much about people being weird or not fashionable. I actually love people who have the balls to be who they are without caring what people think.

It’s just random shit which pops in to my head. My neighbour came over earlier and wouldn’t stop talking and all I could think was “fuck off you fucking fuck I don’t care Blush”

In real life I was smiling and nodding

OP posts:
MyCatsHat · 30/08/2019 23:39

Agree, I like eccentric people and daring style. The trousers my inner voice might slag off would probably be in fashion, just unappealing to me. But actually I think it’s more behaviour that sets mine off, like the mentioned endless hate ring when you want to get away, or blocking the pavement, or wanky driving.