Does anyone else have a running monologue of mean thoughts in their head

[Rapidmama]

I’ve been meaning to post this for a while and I’m due a name change soon so I’ll probably do afterwards

I noticed a while ago that I seem to have a running monologue of actually really mean thoughts in my head. I’m not a horrible person, have good friends, respected at work, kind to small children and animals, but the more I’ve noticed it the more I’ve started questioning what’s wrong with me.

For example when I first noticed it I was walking into work and ran into a colleague I get on really well with. Then I just thought “god they are really ugly shoes”. It I was completely unconscious, it just popped into my head.

Since then I’ve noticed it more and more and I’m wondering if it’s just me or is everyone walking around thinking quite bloody mean things about people.

Another example was on a telephone conference and the other person was kind of stumbling over a question and I noticed myself saying “fucking hurry up you bloody thicko”. I would NEVER voice that out-loud and would be furious with my DC if they called anyone a thicko.

God he’s put on some weight
She’s got a bloody annoying voice
Why would you wear that dress

It just seems to be running through my head all bloody day. I don’t think I’ve always done it or maybe I have and I’ve only just tuned in but I’m hoping I’m not the only one

Listens, the paragons who don’t let off steam in this harmless manner are the one’s who suddenly blow and run amok with weapons in town centres and everybody goes “. Him/Her!! But they’re so gentle, they wouldn’t hurt a fly...”
Better to let it all out where no one can see it . Far healthier.

Yes

I've always found that I have the perfect retorts to insults, rudeness & criticism too...except I don't have them til about 20minutes later when it's irrelevant.

I think the internal dialogue is a handy tool so I don't just explode tbh

Your points of logic seem wholly irrelevant to my reaction, which is fundamentally an emotional one. I’m not sure why you’re interrogating me about it?

‘Interrogating’ you, or putting forward points for discussion on a discussion forum?

Wow, 64sNewName, you’re taking this a bit personally 🙄

Yes, I do that too but mainly when in a bad mood

Listens, the paragons who don’t let off steam in this harmless manner are the one’s who suddenly blow and run amok with weapons in town centres and everybody goes “. Him/Her!! But they’re so gentle, they wouldn’t hurt a fly...”
Better to let it all out where no one can see it . Far healthier.

Or maybe some people just don't feel like that 🤷🏼‍♀️

*I think everybody has this to a greater or lesser extent - even if it's only rarely, or triggered by being unhappy or stressed.

No-one but no-one only ever thinks positive or neutral thoughts.

It's not possible or realistic.

We all judge.

Anyone who says they never, ever do has no self-awareness.*

Op was talking about a running monologue, not occasionally being annoyed about something.

Now I’m thinking bad thoughts about you, Kaytee... . Luckily you don’t care

Constantly running monologue in my head?

Yes.

Always nasty?

No.

Did you have a super critical mum, OP?? Trying a bit of psychology here.. might be worth thinking “oh there we go again with those thoughts” and try to distract yourself because it is not your fault but it probably does make you feel quite negative if your inner voice continually points out everyone’s bad bits. Try internally naming the colour of 10 things you can see(“gold earrings”; “grey lamppost”) when one of those thoughts occurs, to break the habit of thinking negatively and see if that affects your general state of mind. I do hear it sometimes but usually I think “they are so much more competent, attractive “ etc and doing that thought-breaking technique works for me. Unless you are happy with the thoughts in which case discard this advice directly!

And I often scroll through threads looking at user names muttering. Twat; half-wit; Idiot; cunt; gobshite; oh for fucks sake get off your hobby horse no one is interested in your pointless thoughts; ahh picture of a cat, cute; you do know the only person interested in your child is you?.

I suspect I am not the only one who does this, which is why I name change such a lot.

Yes to a constantly running monologue but it's more funny like on peep show I sometimes think something like "Christ what has she done to her hair" but it'll be a couple of those thoughts a day, mostly it's amusement at life or thinking about my to do list or living in a fantasy world. I don't feel that nastiness. Maybe it's just a human thing, constantly assessing our other humans and finding faults..

Very rarely is this directed at others for me . If I am stressed or unhappy my inner monlogue is all negative towards myself and I and compare myself in a negative way to the person I am thinking of or talking to.

No wonder I am usually in a pretty depressed state.

You can change it if it bothers you. When I was a teacher, I consciously tried to say at least one genuine, positive thing to every child in the class by morning break. Now I've left teaching, I see and think something nice about everyone I meet. I still have the odd thought about someone being incompetent or whatever, but they are greatly diluted by the nice thoughts.

I sometimes have unkind thoughts about others, but it's not that frequent. To have those thoughts constantly? I would assume that the person who experiences this is unhappy on some level?

Especially when I'm feeling premenstrual. Then I am vicious, and feel completely justified

I have a quick question though. Because you have this highly critical monologue about the people in your life constantly running in the background, do you assume that everyone is being highly critical of you?

Definitely 😕

Yes it's even worse when I'm due on

Yes I do this, but like some pps I think a whole load of other thoughts too, some positive, some just random observations. It’s like a constant stream of endless wittering on inside my head :o

It’s really just me expressing myself and that includes letting out “unworthy” thoughts to myself I suppose, that you can’t say, like “OMG those are some hideous trousers” or “yes why don’t you have a lovely chat in the school gateway so no one can get though, you total twat?’
Because we do have to rein it in, the whole point of social niceties and inhibition is that you have thoughts that you know are unacceptable and you stop yourself from voicing them.

For me it can be a way of amusing myself too and that helps me not to be so annoyed iyswim.

I have found this a bit lately. DH and I were on a 3 hour plane trip recently. He was sitting across the aisle from me, next to another tall man and his wife. The three people in front of him, all very tiny, reclined their seats fully, immediately on take off and left them that way the entire flight. It was not nighttime. DH and the lovely guy next to him were squished into a much smaller space with knees jammed against the seats.

I am ashamed to say the three were from another country not always known for polite tourist behavior in crowds, I understand because of cultural pressures and beliefs.

I found myself fantasizing about the woman in front of my husband being hit by lightening or something worse.

I am surprised sometimes at my own thoughts. I was trying mightily to find a place of cultural tolerance and understanding but was missing the mark. Awful of me. I hope it was just jet lag and fatigue from traveling.

These sort of threads amuse me no end

I remember reading something ages ago which was like the first thought you have is from you as a product of the society you grew up in but whether you then as a second thought agree with it or correct it as appropriate determines who you actually are. Having a stream of negative thoughts is ok as long as you don't hurt others/yourself by actioning that negativity.

And sorry, to answer the question OP, I do have a similar monologue running in my head.

Perhaps you've become more self aware of your thoughts/ actions which is why you are noticing the monologue more recently?

That sounds awful.

No, I don't do that. What a way to live.

I do this to an extent. But i read the other day (in a jon ronson book) that something like 80% of people admit to having fantasies about the violent death of random people who have crossed them in some way. That put my mean inner dialogue in perspective, as i have never in my life killed anyone off in my head! i was pretty alarmed tbh to think that someone might have done that to me