DP wants me to work FT so he can be PT

[AndBeholdAWhiteHorse]

I can't get past this and I'm building resentment already.

DP has two children and I'm pregnant with his third, my first. He keeps telling me that I should go back to work full time so he doesn't miss out on so much with our child as he did with his previous children. I understand this but my work is well paid and I/we can afford for me to be part time. I can still contribute roughly the same as what he can full time.

He keeps stating that he has already had to bare the financial pressures before and it comes across that now it is my turn even though it wasn't me who was relying on him financially before but his ex.

I work long hours and my drive takes 3 hours out of my day. I don't want to go back full time when I can afford to survive on a PT salary and look after our baby. But he seems adamant that he won't miss out but doesn't seem to understand that I feel I would be missing out more due to being away from home much more than him. The days I work I probably won't see baby as I'm out for 14+ hours.

I'm starting to feel really down about it. I don't want to miss out on anything either. Even on my part time salary we'll still be ok each month so it will be him driving how much he wants to work not me and I have a good amount of savings built up too to help out.

What can I do? I've tried to discuss it but we both think the other has missed the point the other is trying to make. He has left it that "we'll see" and he is right because it won't matter for a long while yet but I'm stressing that I'm not going to be left without a choice.

If OP continues working then she will still have money and the opportunity to go FT should the relationship collapse. Personally my baby's early years were more important than working FT. SAHM was the worst mistake I made though, I wish I'd stayed on PT as I'm now single and difficult to employ.

You have divided all parts of your finances and domestic duties 50/50 so it makes sense to both work equal hours and both have an equal time with your baby.

Don't allow yourself to be pressurised into working full time or do anything else you are unhappy with. Make your DP aware of this now and relax and enjoy the rest of your pregnancy

I think you will be ok whatever. You sound like you have your head screwed on! Your DP, however... For me the key question would be how proactive he is likely to be with day to day family stuff. You can be better informed here than most as he's already done the DC thing twice. And the relationship broke up... There was a poster on another thread who said her DH did more around the house than other DHs she knew but still way less than 50% all in all, even though she (and he) had thought it was going to be completely fair. That's my position too and like hell am I going to work FT while also organising everything around the house, paying all the bills, sorting out meet ups with his family... I mean, it's not your DP doing the spreadsheet, is it?. And society generally condones this laziness on the part of men, which is the other side to this supposed double standard.

So the business doesn't need all this profit being reinvested if he can still pay himself a full time wage for part time hours. You say the business will just have less money.

So what happens to all this money currently sloshing around in the business? It sounds as if he's quite good at manipulating and hiding money?

It's still not making much sense.

He wants you to work full-time so you experience the financial responsibilities he did with his older 2. But you're also saying he will definitely be paying the same in child support, and will work part time. His self-employment is very secure as he can take on more work when he wants.

So is his plan to stop contributing to shared expenses with you?