Calling all immigrants. Any aspects of British culture you struggle with?

[FishCanFly]

I will start:

• Kids bedtimes. I've been called neglectful.
• School uniforms. I could buy many more clothes within reasonable fashion.
• Film\game ratings. Like if Skyrim would harm a 12yo

One of my friends is married to an immigrant (from the EU). Something that baffles him is when British people boast about getting food at bargain prices or from discount food shops like Lidl like it's a good thing - particularly if it's to be served to guests or at a special occasion... in his culture, you would never serve cheap food to guests and if you did, you'd certainly not boast about getting something at a good price or talk down what you paid for it.

Hi Live in a Hiding Place.

I think you are probably right that England is inclusive.

Sadly as a non British subject with lots of family in the UK I have been exposed to some pretty serious views (pro Brexit). Really I have no right to comment. But it does trouble me.

I find people in the UK very inclusive, but heck, I am as white as they come.

"Sadly as a non British subject with lots of family in the UK I have been exposed to some pretty serious views (pro Brexit). Really I have no right to comment. But it does trouble me."

There's definitely a lot of people with those kinds of views, I'm not denying that. But I think every country has them. Despite their apparent liberalism, there are tons of Germans these days who think that immigrants need to go back to where they came from or that refugees are ruining their country and so on.

Re. multiculturalism... I actually think the UK is very multicultural, especially in the bigger urban centres. Where I live now (France) is completely the opposite - the state expects assimilation, and multiculturalism is not celebrated in any way. There is absolutely no equivalent of the Notting Hill carnival or any other ethnic / non UK cultural festival in France. Immigrants are expected to adopt French values and lifestyles.

Neither approach rules out racism though. No matter how many shiny festivals there are, or how many rules banning burkinis from beaches, there are still always going to be people who don't want things to change and don't trust people who look / sound / smell / live differently.

non UK cultural festival in France

This should of course read "non French-culture festival in France" .

Another one here who battles with the non-directness. But I now just use it to my advantage - I will happily be the foreigner who points out or says whatever needs saying. (Yesterday in the park some woman was standing there for 5m+ chatting to various people and not one pointed out that she had part of her kid's snack stuck to her tshirt. Why??)

Also, the various regional stereotypes and their origins (which I won't repeat here as I guess they are offensive?). Why are people from Liverpool like x but people from Manchester like y? Why is "Northern" sometimes used negatively? Why is it OK to deride the Welsh? And so on.

In Scotland places don't close at 5.30pm and Sunday is just like any other day.

My DS goes to sleep at 9. He won't sleep any earlier so I stopped trying.

I could never eat later than 6pm. I'm absolutely starving by then!

My DS school uniform is cheap. Its £7.50 for a polo shirt. The winter coat is £15. I think maybe it's more expensive in England?

I worked with an African man who told me he struggled with not being able to socialise with people individually because it would be assumed that he was romantically interested in them for example if he asked someone to “go for a drink / coffee” this is basically code for “I fancy you”. He didn’t know how to get to know people better, outside of work. I thought about this and realised how true it was. Bless him.

My (Eastern European) DH battles with the same mellow - he claims he cannot make friends here because the only means of socialising with other men is (as he sees it) drinking in loud pubs, and he doesn't drink or like pubs.

I get that separate hot and cold taps are meant to be used with the plug in the sink, but WHY?

I’m British, and this is brand new information to me I have no idea why - I would only fill the sink to wash my face, not my hands every time I go to wash them. I’ve literally never known anyone to do this. British plumbing in general is a bit shit I know - rubbish water pressure and noisy pipes are quite often the norm. Quite a few people I know haven’t got around to installing a shower, and some new builds don’t have them either, just a bath. I don’t get it either.

but I'm not sure why the standard road is still very narrow on new build estates?

It slows the traffic and makes it less attractive as a 'rat run'.This is why lots of new build don't have a route you can drive through.

There are many many cultures in the UK, the comments about not being tactile do not apply in Deaf culture when you might give someone a hug after a first meeting.

'Northern' culture is different, I had a Kiwi flatmate, a Mancunian and me (exYorkshire via Lancashire, Oxford and London) she used oday, "Do you realise how much you two insult each other?

Alsom 'the look', all northern mothers can do,'the look' a good one can reduce a child to tears. That's the negative look there's also the positive look that can be given when mum is proud.

'The look' or the two looks can best be shown when a child is offered a second biscuit or slice of cake, the child will look at mum and from 'the look' know whether to say, "yes please"or, "No thank you, I'm full".

Mellow, Essential - my previous European male colleagues bonded over playing squash - maybe some sort of sport?

Worra I assumed it was obvious that otherwhere meant 'not the UK', without needing to spell it out - my apologies for the confusion! There's also a hint of Neil Gaiman in it - I'm clearly channelling Neverwhere....

Took me ages to get

• people don't pop round. Ever. If you pop round you are seen as weird and unwelcome! You need to book visits in!

• I echo the corn in everything. Why can't I get a tuna sandwich with no sweet corn! And chicken and sweet corn argh! Give me strength!

• the overcrowding on the trains. The public transport is wonderful. But the overcrowding in rush hour is incredible. And rather than upgrade the lines which are really busy, they focus on building a faster line to somewhere there is already a fast line.

• ditto Heathrow. People complain endlessly about how busy it is, how they can't get flights etc and how we need more jobs as industries like car manufacturing disappear. And then they block the 3rd runway...

• that some people don't want to charge foreigners for using the NHS. There was no state health system where I lived. Either you showed you could pay or you didn't get treated/went to a v v busy state hospital. That some people appear to think it's an affront to charge tourists for medical care I find unbelievable especially as we do essentially pay through our taxes. And I know plenty of people who come here specifically to use the NHS as health tourists.

• how privileged people are in the UK. Healthcare, free schooling, democracy. Not to be sniffed at!

Some of this I don't think is true of Britain more than other countries. When I lived in Germany nothing was open on a Sunday in our town apart from church. And it seemed to be a very segregated place with specifically Turkish areas in each town and little integration. Even the shops were separate. Admittedly this was a while ago and things may have changed but Britain seemed a lot more mixed.
I don't think it's true that we are not close to extended family. I see or speak to my parents daily. As do my siblings. My children are close to them and to my siblings.

@NotSoHotBot

People did used to pop round, when I was growing up. I always thought that mobile phones had changed that.

It slows the traffic and makes it less attractive as a 'rat run'.This is why lots of new build don't have a route you can drive through.

You don’t really believe that’s the reason do you? It’s cost cutting - narrow roads are cheaper to build and leave more space for extra houses. I think it’s unfortunately a bit of a British thing to be a bit naive when it comes to 21st century standards of living - which is why we still count ‘box rooms’ as bedrooms and pay extortionate prices for tiny houses with shit plumbing, bad insulation and that aren’t built to a particular good standard all round.

how privileged people are in the UK. Healthcare, free schooling, democracy. Not to be sniffed at!

This for me too. I grew up in South Africa. There is poverty in the UK, but the difference between poverty here and poverty there is stark. (Whole different thread, but it makes me quite jaundiced about the welfare state.)

I remember when I moved over wondering what on earth would fill the newspapers each day when everything was so calm and orderly (10 years on we have solved that problem with Brexit ). At the time our president was saying you could cure Aids with a shower.

• ditto Heathrow. People complain endlessly about how busy it is, how they can't get flights etc and how we need more jobs as industries like car manufacturing disappear. And then they block the 3rd runway...

Have you noticed where Heathrow is? It's the most inconveniently situated airport, to build more runways there will severely effect most of West London. As for jobs, it's mostly transit passengers, it's not like the people who come in here to work arrive there.

It's very limited in infrastructure, how do you get there and home form it in the already gridlocked roads? The infrastructure/roads alone will cost the taxpayer billions. A Third Runway is just patching things up at great cost, financial and environment.

The only good idea Boris ever had was to build a brand new one and link it to London with proper high speed trains.

For me it's the "stiff upper lip" - being annoyed about something but too polite to complain (to the person / people responsible).

People do let you how they feel without complaining. You can always recognise it in their tone of voice, body language, choice of words.

My (Eastern European) DH battles with the same mellow - he claims he cannot make friends here because the only means of socialising with other men is (as he sees it) drinking in loud pubs, and he doesn't drink or like pubs.

He needs a dog. Or a metal detector.

Early bedtimes - it's not about how tired the children are, it's about how tired they're making everyone else...

Ha! @EssentialHummus that's exactly how I feel

I was reading an article about poverty in the UK and realised they define poverty as earning below 60% of the household income average. Now I really don't want to get into a debate about poverty, but if you were brought up in Africa, as I was, that definition is laughable especially where you have 'free' housing, schooling, medical care here etc.

It's all relative I guess...but I still feel incredibly lucky that I was able to bring up my children here. And how lucky they were to be able to access the education they did.

Early bedtimes - it's not about how tired the children are, it's about how tired they're making everyone else...

How do you get your child to fall asleep when they are just not tired enough. My dc have 10 hours per night. They have plenty of exercise during the day, eat well, have a good bedtime routine. They only go to sleep at 9pm average. Horrors

About early bed times.. my child goes sleep 7.30 and wakes up 9am. Why on earth would I let her go sleep later and lose out hours of sleep and time for me to prepare for the next day etc.

I think early bedtimes are great and as another poster said. In winter it is dark past 5pm so it makes sense. I think a lot of things we do are weird I agree like hinting and not being straightforward etc but early bed times is one maybe you should embrace !

Shops are open on a Sunday in Scotland - only restriction is that alcohol can't be sold until after 12 noon

@epari unless your dc is still very young, they do NOT need 13.5 hours sleep. Out of interest, how old is your dc?