Calling all immigrants. Any aspects of British culture you struggle with?

[FishCanFly]

I will start:

• Kids bedtimes. I've been called neglectful.
• School uniforms. I could buy many more clothes within reasonable fashion.
• Film\game ratings. Like if Skyrim would harm a 12yo

So I'm originally from Australia, been in England for a total of 13 years. The two major ones, both have been mentioned:

• buying property. What a shit show, chains, gazumping, withdrawing offers, months to get completed. In Australia there's no chains, accepted offers cannot be withdrawn otherwise a massive deposit will be forfeited, and process takes about 6 weeks

Schools: such a fight to get into certain schools. I have two young children not of school age, it wasn't until i heard my wife talk about it that i was shocked at the set up, she works in education and knows it better than most. We apparently have to move in the next couple of years to a better school area. In Australia you just go to your local school. Also kids just make their way there, no parents dropping them off at the school gate. From what i read on MN the school gate and dramas therein are a massive thing

• Bland and/or separate meals for children (fish fingers, chips, sausage, waffles). Unthinkable for kids to eat earlier or be cooked for separately where I'm from. Fish, vegetables, chicken hearts, squid, whatever the family is eating is what they're given.

• Children who don't eat anything adventurous. Sure there are exceptions but my DC's friends don't eat broccoli, tomatoes, mushrooms, pesto, the lists are endless. They are not allergic to these foods.

• Where I'm from, you bring a cake into work and it's immediately eaten and appreciated by everyone in large slices. Here, the Brits take the tiniest piece, or cut an already small slice in half. It's like they don't want to be seen enjoying the hell out of life. Restraint is everything (unless it's to do with alcohol).

• The same for victoria sponge cakes, Eton messes and flapjacks, such plain desserts with hardly any icing/chocolate/indulgence. But the Brits already see these as naughty treats.

• Also those "Ooh I'm having a big dinner (translation: not a sandwich) tonight, I'd better just have soup and crackers for lunch." comments. Where I'm from hearty savoury meals are eaten for breakfast, lunch and dinner without guilt or comment. Certainly we don't take into huge account what's been eaten earlier in the day when deciding on the evening meal. My home country manages not to be populated by obese people.

The £3 meal deal is another... Paying extra for what amounts to a packed lunch (small sarnie, crisps, and drink) from home. I have never seen that anywhere but the UK. Back home if people are buying food for lunch while at work, it will not look like what amounts to a packed lunch. I understand it's cheap and convenient if you don't have time to make a lunch, but it's a very British thing. Usually people who are already lazy enough to not make a lunch back home will add £1-2 more to get something nicer.

I'm a teacher, I need my evenings free to mark. My children get up at 6am as we have to be up at that time to get sorted for work. They are sound asleep exhausted by 6.30pm each night.

Works for us!

Also as a teacher children thrive on a routine and a decent bedtime (ie by 8pm) in the earlier years!

I agree with most of this thread in that I like relaxed bedtimes and late eating.

But, think tanks/charities often say we should, as a country, look after our elders/have elderly parents living with us as many other nations do this. But you can't just foist a culturally different way of thinking on to a country. Also, I think many British people would see this as the government trying to save money on elder care. Of course, lots of times in the country's past, single daughters would have been expected to look after parents. But that's largely stopped as women working is no longer stigmatised.

Also, maybe I've got this wrong from above comments, but it's one thing being honest about food etc being not good in a restaurant, but if guests came to my house, I cooked for them, and they said the food was bad, then they can fuck right off!

Also, maybe I've got this wrong from above comments, but it's one thing being honest about food etc being not good in a restaurant, but if guests came to my house, I cooked for them, and they said the food was bad, then they can fuck right off!

I don't think anyone would ever tell a friend or host they've cooked badly. It's more about getting what you paid for in a restaurant, so people are more likely to complain (which I think is a negative of my home country). The side effect of that is that you have a wait staff that appears over enthusiastic at times and far too generous portions of food. Some really mean people will push this to try to get something taken off the bill. I feel like the wait staff in the UK varies depending on region so I can't generalise. People up north are so friendly in general that it's rare to get a inhospitable waiter, whereas down south it might be a bit more likely. Even then it's different depending how close you are to central London. Lots of people in London just seem a bit miserable.

I struggles with the food: living in Scotland currently and was taken to canteen for food on the first day of work by a co worker. She ate a jacket potato with cheese on it. I remember sitting there staring at it perplexed. I'm still confused about the obsession with potatoes though! And baked beans and toast? Boggles the mind..

I miss the outward affection and easy comeraderie of my home country. Everyone's children are cuddled gushed over and loved. Much more reserved over here. Even at work someone will always bring food and everyone will eagerly enjoy. If a co worker is pregnant everyone will bring her special food that'd like to eat in rotation as is the practice!

However I find the reserve of the British endearing and also it's so liberating to know no one gives a s* about your business.

Absolutely love the traffic and the polite ness in letting vehicles pass in traffic! Without fear of popping an aneurysm every time you get in the driving seat.

We got a bunch of Christmas cards last year from neighbors we've never even spoken to or seen. It was brilliant!! It would have been considered the height of rudeness to just drop cards and invite them info numerous cups of tea and cake back home though.

Absolutely love the traffic and the polite ness in letting vehicles pass in traffic! Without fear of popping an aneurysm every time you get in the driving seat.

I don't see this behaviour everywhere unfortunately. There are definitely cases of road rage in the UK.

We got a bunch of Christmas cards last year from neighbors we've never even spoken to or seen. It was brilliant!!

Yes, I love this too.

@Cruddles - come to Scotland

We mostly go to our neighbourhood/catchment schools and buy houses without chains/gazumping

One more thing that really is a bit frustrating for someone who used to live for a bit in Japan but...

Delays, signal failures, and issues like leaves on the track.

There's never a real solution because the franchise points the finger at National Rail and the media/public blames the franchise for all the delays. Why can't there be a solution to these rail issues when most of the country's economy depends on London, and most of London's workers depend on rail to get there? I never experienced such turmoil in commuting like I have while in the UK. I feel like it's almost inhumane and needs a law forcing companies to allow all employees to work from home, and to prove that physical presence is needed. It would be one thing to be packed like a sardine on a busy train everyday, but it's another when you can't even get home until around midnight.

I have 1 child at boarding school and the other at a comp. It's not such a big deal.

Between 1980 and 1997 there was an (Tory initiated, surprise surprise) Assisted Place Scheme. It allowed low income families to apply for heavily subsidised private school fees, including boarding schools. So while it isn't a thing anymore, the OP's husband wasn't neccessarily from a privileged background. Its really hideous to say any child abandoned at boarding school was privileged any how. The current government have talked about bringing this scheme back. I really hope they don't.

Ok and last one for now, why can't I pick out my fruit? I know you can pick out bananas but apples, plums, berries, and grapes come in plastic boxes (at least at Aldi, Asda, and Sainsbury's). Sometimes up to 50% or more of the fruit may already have mould on it even though it's still before the "best before" date. It's hard to examine the fruit because it's all squished together in the box so you're getting screwed on mouldy fruit. It would be much more financially worth it (and better for the environment too) if the plastic containers were eliminated and something like the picture I've attached was done instead.

Personally I love that kids have a bedtime routine in the UK. In my husband's country, there's no routine, they just run around til they pass out and the kids are all constantly cranky, badly behaved, hyper etc.

I mean little kids do actually need a lot of sleep so they need to be in bed early. Plus I don't think it's good for parents to never have time alone.

Between 1980 and 1997 there was an (Tory initiated, surprise surprise) Assisted Place Scheme. It allowed low income families to apply for heavily subsidised private school fees, including boarding schools.
Do you mean the Labour Govt's Direct Grant scheme of the 1979s?
The separate taps thing, how many times have I read this on MN? Apparently it's because the UK has drinking water from the tap before many other countries. I well remember not being able to drink water from the tap in France and Spain into the late 70s, possibly later

What time do you all have to get up?
No earlier than 8am during term time
Surely work and school times largely dictate waking times. We leave the house at about 8. 15am to walk to school to start at 8.45, so he has to be up long enough prior to that to get washed, dressed and fed. If I worked and he had to go to breakfast club, that starts at 8 so we'd be out even earlier.

I'm probably a mean Brit who hates her children but I LOVE early bedtimes. My children function best on 11-12 hours sleep a night. They wake up refreshed and ready to go at 7am. I function best with a day that includes a nice chunk of time spent without them 😂 to read a book, have an adult conversation or just think my thoughts in silence! I would go quite, quite mad if they were up until 10pm every night.
I also love never saying quite what I'm thinking, being unendingly sarcastic and being a bit miserable all the time. I had no idea I was such a cliche.
This thread is great. Thanks OP, such an interesting read.

I get that separate hot and cold taps are meant to be used with the plug in the sink, but WHY?

A family member in the UK just renovated a bathroom and put in separate taps. I asked why and got an answer along the lines of it is how the British have always done it.

To me, it makes little sense and certainly does not encourage hand washing, which is so important to keep us healthy. It is also very child un-friendly.

This brings me to one other thing that baffles me about the UK and that is the rather rigid way some stick to "tradition." Not everyone, but some seem to cling to a very old fashioned view of the country that can really limit the benefits of multiculturalism etc. I say this as someone who lives elsewhere but has 50% of my DNA from the UK. I am proud of my heritage but don't want to see it frozen in time. Maybe my perspective is skewed by some family members who want to turn back time.

I’m hoping to enter the housing market soon and I too hate the system here and I’m a Brit.

I love the seasons and could never live anywhere without seasons. How boring to only wear summer clothes and what would you talk about!!!

Our weather is a constant source of small talk with the hairdresser postman etc.

This is not a 'let's discuss the quirks of the UK'. This is a 'let's discuss the quirks of Southern England'. Has anyone actually spent any time with a Northerner? A Scot? A Geordie?

'Also those "Ooh I'm having a big dinner (translation: not a sandwich) tonight, I'd better just have soup and crackers for lunch." comments.' Omg, this is my ILs! 'We went out for lunch so we just had a slice of toast/digestive biscuit for dinner.'
I struggled to cope with the freezing cold houses.
I love it here and wouldn't move back. Now I'm the one with the freezing cold house.

Wehn made a joke that if you move abroad to somewhere better, you are an immigrant. but if you do the reverse you are an ex-pat ...

So many assumptions here - we were “ex-pats” in an EU country that has a noticeably better standard of living than the UK so...

Actually we should stop using the term immigrants all together IMO.

Sorry, this was meant to be in bold:

Wehn made a joke that if you move abroad to somewhere better, you are an immigrant. but if you do the reverse you are an ex-pat ...

"This is a 'let's discuss the quirks of Southern England'. Has anyone actually spent any time with a Northerner? A Scot? A Geordie?"

I'm Scottish and plenty of these apply to me.

"This brings me to one other thing that baffles me about the UK and that is the rather rigid way some stick to "tradition." Not everyone, but some seem to cling to a very old fashioned view of the country that can really limit the benefits of multiculturalism"

I actually think the UK is one of the countries that is least like this, at least from the places I've visited or lived in.