What do short vampires do?

[sashh]

On one of may meandering conversations with my carer we got on to the subject of vampires (as you do) and I thought about if I was a vampire.I'm only 5ft tall and disabled, now I assume the process of being undead would improve my mobility but how would I ever bite someone's neck?

My carer thinks I'd have to go for the thigh I think that would make it easier for my victim to defeat me and run.

My extensive research (every episode of buffy and Angel) shows that all vampires find victims they can comfortably bite in the neck, how does that happen?

My favourite Fictional vampires are Mitchell in Being Human, Simon in Shawdowhunters and Darren Shan!

Personally think being human is criminally underrated, which i find surprising as it is literally Poldark screaming and killing people

If you're into seducing your victims, you could always give the blow job from hell. Or is that too cruel, even for the undead?

Being Human was a fantastic series, although the American remake was sadly cocked up.

Definitely watch What we do in the Shadows. I’d say both the film and the tv show as both are great.
There are child vampires who seem to be doing just fine in that and as others have stated you can just bellow Baaaaaaaat and attack them in that form

@DisgraceToTheYChromosome agreed. Tried to Watch with an open attitude, but literally couldn’t get further then episode 3

The idea of short vampires carrying their own little box around with them is both hilarious and adorable

Mumsnet - informative and useful for the important questions in life.

I feel the need to binge watch some Buffy.

“Step to suck-cess” with the “Vein Gain” portable 📦 step system

This thread has raised SO many questions!
1, does what you eat affect the flavour of your blood ?
Indian > curry flavour,
American > burger flavour,

English > fish and chip flavour
( yes I know I am stereo typing but you know what I mean )

2, what about your blood group?
do they taste different ? If so what does each taste like?

3, off they drink blood from a drunk / drugged person does it affect them ? How do they fly if they are drunk

4 are Italian vampires immune to the fear / hate of garlic because they have had it in every meal since birth.

5 are the coffins they sleep in comfy ?

As for them not been able to reach someone tall , what for tall person to step of a kerb then grab em

2, what about your blood group? Do they taste different ? If so what does each taste like?
One of my favourite quotes from Being Human, Seth is a rather twattish vampire about to feed on a moribund patient in hospital -
Seth: What blood type is he - A positive? Bit Jacob's Creek-y for my taste, but there you go...

Just a thought

If you don't drain them fully of blood, can't you turn them into vampires, then they will worship you and could carry you around.

They can then, carry you past any victims, you choose and you can leap, on said victims and get their necks that way.

I was going to suggest high heels but I see you already have many many better solutions. Maybe wear your stilettos too though, just in case.

@BreakfastAtSquiffanys ,
Ha ha , i like that .
I really need to watch Been human but I do not have sky / net-flicks etc cos I rarely watch tv I just watch catch up on my laptop. ( dont own a tv )

Ahh here is what you need @sashh

www.amazon.co.uk/Folding-Step-Stool-Foldable-Collapsible/dp/B078H5FJXP?pf_rd_m=A3P5ROKL5A1OLE&pf_rd_p=72c6ede2-fc51-5122-b91c-a61a03f859f2&pf_rd_p=72c6ede2-fc51-5122-b91c-a61a03f859f2&pf_rd_r=ESD7591BYN4VM59GF6FN&pf_rd_r=ESD7591BYN4VM59GF6FN&pf_rd_s=merchandised-search-6&pf_rd_t=101&ref_=Oct_TopRatedC_2850860031_0&tag=mumsnetforu03-21&pf_rd_i=2850860031

Lots of good suggestions here... I'm hijacking to tell my sons favourite joke

Why are vampires such good artists?

They like drawing blood

I'm loving the idea if Just Bite

You bite them on the hand and blame it on the spiders.

SamBeckett

Excellent questions, as I am currently being eaten to death by flying things I think blood does taste different. I once spent 2 weeks in Mauritius, I was sharing a bed with someone who was not bitten once, I came home and he stayed another week when he did get bitten.

Love this thread, this is the kind of conversation I have with my two teenage kids on a regular basis!

I love this thread.

Do you use a wheelchair? If so, take them out at the knees first. A low effort way to do this is go to your local shopping centre and just wait for the people who stop dead in front of you with no warning. They deserve it anyway, the fuckers.

I also wonder about the following scenario as I am also disabled. When (see, this is when not if, in my mind) a zombie bites me, will I still be disabled or will I be able to walk properly? Further thought was that zombies don't walk really, they lurch about with dangling limbs, which is not much different to how I am now. You never see a zombie in a wheelchair though do you?

Being Human (UK) is epic. I even loved Hal - especially the Putting On The Ritz scene.

What We Do In The Shadows is hilarious. 'And now I am a wizard'

Also love the kitten bees. I want one.

The other day DH and I had an in-depth conversation about a police force of cats policing each other's behaviour. We even called it the Feline Bureau of Investigation They have uniforms and everything. I'm going to have to name change now aren't I.

I'm 4 ft 11. Vampires can jump I assume youd jump on them to reach their neck or go for a wrist or maybe go for someone sitting.

Well obviously you would compel them (a la vampire diaries) to stand still whilst you fetch a ladder/stool etc to stand on.

Veering off briefly into zombie territory, I'm sure I've seen one in a wheelchair. (I mean in a film, not the local market.) Just can't remember which film it is!

best.thread.ever

With reassurance that the zombie that the zombie in the wheelchair was in a film , not just a supermarket.

How do we nominate for MN classics ?