MN Beginners Guide.

[SeaSaltandLime]

• A isn't a good thing.
• You must RTFT (read the full thread) before commenting.
• If you find an unidentifiable object in your home, you must lick it.

If that object is moving, you must poke it.

• You can bookmark and save threads. Placemarking and littering (I.e putting . on a thread) is not necessary.
• Any parking threads must include a diagram.
• Adding a 'fuck you daily mail' disclaimer to your thread will do fuck all.
• You do not need to prove your MN worthiness after a name change by including old 'classic' thread themes (naice ham, Pom Bears..) It's not necessary.

Anymore to add?

Men are always gaslighting you or having an affair on the relationships board. Even if they aren't.

Don't forget that the correct response to 'I just spat my coffee over my keyboard laughing' is 'I nominate this thread for Classics'.

And if you're more than a size 8 don't even bother starting a thread about food or diet. You will be told you're fat and going to die horribly before your children are out of nappies.

Oh, oh my particular favourite. If you post anything negative on a thread about rich people taking the piss you are jealous and bitter. Not pissed off

Make sure you have loads of visceral responses to things- you have to spit, snort, retch, sob, shake.......

@Leighhalfpennysthigh “You’re jealous and bitter” is the response to practically everything from being a republican to not liking private education!

Do not admit to owning a television set.

No self-respecting MNetter owns such a thing.

You have to start to believe your DH's mother is the Antichrist.
Everything she does is to spite you.

You have to start to believe your DH's mother is the Antichrist.
Everything she does is to spite you

Particularly if she provides free childcare for your six DC and occasionally feeds them beefburgers.

Never admit to breastfeeding your baby.

Never admit to formula feeding.

Either option is bound to be met with endless criticism.

If an OP asks for advice involving a confrontation you must immediately blame the OP.

If your in a profession you must declare it in relation to the thread.

Never admit that you allowed your PiLs to visit you at the hospital after giving birth! Or that you had any other visitors for at least 6 months.

You must be able to give 'a tinkly laugh' and be able to send 'a strongly worded email

And give death stares

Put a lot of thought and effort into your post . Not like MitziK.

I am only here for the delete message.
Has that been done ?
Sorry , not RTFT !

You don't eat food anymore. You chomp, gobble...other annoying phrases that indicate that what you are doing is socially unacceptable. Especially if you are over a size 8.

Do you still chomp if you're having "picky bits for supper"?

One "hoovers up" picky bits for supper.

@Leighhalfpennysthigh

You also chuck, bung and throw things about in the kitchen.
Don't put on a load of washing - throw it.
Don't put the ingredients in the slow cooker - bung them.

That's why MNs are such slatterns.

If you start a thread on any recent Royal family antics, be sure to be told by someone that ‘they themselves have read nothing at all about them, whilst immediately questioning (whilst really inferring) what media source you must be reading...’

*which (it’s been a long day!)

Always subscribe to Baby-Led Weaning and make your own baby food.

If you admit to using pouches/jars/packets of ready-made baby food you deserve to be reported to Social Services.

If your neighbour has a trampoline in the garden you are fully entitled to Environmental Health.

Aargh.

You are fully entitled to report your neighbour to Environmental Health.

And no neighbours have the right to have trees in their gardens. Said trees might stop you receiving sunlight in your own garden.

Your neighbours are therefore Cheeky Fuckers and deserve all that is coming to them.

You may love your in laws, or hate them.

There is no middle ground. Pick a side and stick to it. Choose wisely though, as if you declare you hate your MIL and then allow her to look after the children unsupervised as free babysitting... well you just brought that upon yourself.