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Original poster

Kids bedtimes, no adult down time

150 replies

OhDearWhyAmIFatterly · 17/08/2019 19:52

I'm hoping parents with older kids can help me with this....
We have 3 children 6, 10 and 13. Obviously it's the summer holidays so bedtimes have slid a bit but I'm struggling as we are just not getting any down time with no kids in the evening!!!
I know we have kids and that's part and parcel but I need some time!
I'm dreading back to school and all the battles.
We get up early for the school childcare drop off, and are out of the house bu 7.15. Home by 6.
I just need a period of uninterrupted TV time in the evening after super stressful day at work....
Is it reasonable to say to older kids they have to be in their rooms by a certain time even if not asleep??
Even if we try to send them up to watch TV or read the constantly come back down for drinks or whatever so I can't watch anything!!
Are we destined to only watch family friendly TV and then go to bed for the next 5 years???
I miss 7pm bedtimes!!!!
Please tell me your routines.....

OP posts:
Chilledout11 · 17/08/2019 19:56

No one out of bed after 8pm. They can read and the six year old would need to be asleep then anyway. I think you need to be firmer. No out of bed and loss of treats if it continues. Or tv lost etc

INeedNewShoes · 17/08/2019 19:57

I think it's reasonable during the week to have a 9pm cut off where you say goodnight and the kids be in their own rooms after that.

Original poster
OhDearWhyAmIFatterly · 17/08/2019 19:58

Sorry should have said, the 6 year old goes to bed between 7 and 8 so they are not an issue. It's the other 2!
Whe.you say 'bed' do you mean bedroom? Surely I can't send a 13 year old to bed at 8? Or should I be???

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Original poster
OhDearWhyAmIFatterly · 17/08/2019 19:59

OK shoes, 9 is a good cut off but how do you ensure they turn lights off by a set time without having to go up again?
And can they watch TV til 9?

OP posts:
Sexnotgender · 17/08/2019 20:01

Totally not unreasonable.

When my daughter was younger we had ‘room bedtime’ which meant she had to be in her room from 8 but actual bedtime was 9. So she could read or draw or something quiet.

I needed that time on my own to relax.

sirfredfredgeorge · 17/08/2019 20:02

no of course you can't send a 13 year old to bed at 8pm, unless they are way, way outside the norm and need 12 hours sleep.

You just say "bedroom time is X, don't come down after that unless you really need something" - and if they come back down, you send them away, pausing the TV - so unless you're talking about extremely kid inappropriate TV won't matter at all.

BelindasGleeTeam · 17/08/2019 20:04

We have room time too. Up at 8 to read/draw etc then lights out later. DS actually really likes his quiet time, and we get our evenings.

BlueSkiesLies · 17/08/2019 20:05

At 13 I don’t feel you can really ban them from the living space at 8pm!

Why can’t you watch something adult focused with a 13 year old popping down for a drink? Unless you’re into porn or horror it’s not going to scar them.

Original poster
OhDearWhyAmIFatterly · 17/08/2019 20:05

I'm glad I'm not being unreasonable!
I don't feel like I can properly relax until they are gone for the night!
OK, so upstairs in rooms from 8/8.30. Then bedtime 8.30/9 and 9.30/10.
How do I transition them to go to sleep at that time?!?
Sorry for bei g thick, I really feel like I've lost control of evenings!!!
Really appreciate the help!

OP posts:
Original poster
OhDearWhyAmIFatterly · 17/08/2019 20:07

Because it isn't just a drink, they then need chasing and asking a million times to turn off screen or whatever and GO TO SLEEP!!!

OP posts:
BelindasGleeTeam · 17/08/2019 20:15

No screens in rooms here. Tablets stay downstairs and auto switch off at 7pm, and they don't have phones or TVs.

So it's good old fashioned wind down time with a book or pens and paper.

Original poster
OhDearWhyAmIFatterly · 17/08/2019 20:20

Belinda, are yours the same age as mine?
I just know the eldest DC would kick off soooooooooo much!!!

OP posts:
ExpletiveDelighted · 17/08/2019 20:29

13 and 15 here. Ours stick around downstairs if they want but they understand that it's adults TV choices after 9 and they can either watch with us (we don't watch anything inappropriate), stay in the same room and read or go to their rooms, till they are ready for bed. So they don't go up at a set time but they don't really bother us either. We don't check up on them, they just take themselves off to bed when they're ready.

Some or all of us are out till after 9 several nights a week so we need to be pretty flexible.

Original poster
OhDearWhyAmIFatterly · 17/08/2019 20:33

That sounds really nice delighted, I'm just not Sure the eldest would hang around quietly!
I think maybe the horse has bolted. And we can't go back....

OP posts:
Thistly · 17/08/2019 20:35

They (teens) are in their room and chilling in the evening and then I have told them it is their responsibility to make sure they turn own light off at reasonable time, as I go off for a bath and relax for an hour.
Mind you this routine is term time, so they just keep going with it during holiday.
I think having a big difference between school and holiday routine is unhelpful.

Good luck !

Thistly · 17/08/2019 20:37

Have you talked to your eldest about what works for you, and your needs?
They should be able to modify their behaviour to fit in with you at that age.

Itsonlytuesdayqwer · 17/08/2019 20:40

Give the 13 year old a couple of months and you won’t ever see them, they will be forever in their bedroom! We noticed a huge change in Year 9 with DSS that he no longer wanted to hang around downstairs and watch a film and he’d slink off as soon as he could after tea to play Xbox, speak to his mates etc .
We used to say no Xbox after 8pm on a school night and lights out for half 9. Weekends no Xbox and chatting after half 9.
He did used to spend a lot of time playing out with friends as well just behind our house (footie) so it wouldn’t be unusual for him to come in when it got dark in the summer at his age.

RandomMess · 17/08/2019 20:41

What do you want to watch that is so inappropriate for the 13 year old?

Original poster
OhDearWhyAmIFatterly · 17/08/2019 20:44

It's not that it's massively inappropriate it's just that it's adult themed so not suitable. Even something like The walking Dead is on sky and not suitable!
It's the inyeruptions I guess that s the most bothersome.
It will be interesting if year 9 makes a difference. He does like being in his room gaming with friends but then seems to think at 9 that he wants to hang with us!!!

OP posts:
ExpletiveDelighted · 17/08/2019 20:50

For something like that we'd either wait till after 10 when they have gone up or say sorry, this isn't appropriate for you and they can either go upstairs or in the kitchen. Depends what time you go to bed yourselves though, we go quite late.

Livebythecoast · 17/08/2019 20:50

DD 15.
Has a timer (plug) on T.V til 10.30pm.
School days phone handed in at 9.30pm.
Holidays/weekend a bit more relaxed.
Sit down with DC and ask them what time they should hand in phones/Have t.v on til. Have an idea in your head (but be ruthless, say 9pm for 13 year old) they'll say what about 9.30? Deal done. Same with 10 year old but adjust time accordingly. Go for an earlier time than you would allow then they'll add 30 minutes - they'll then think they've won with the extra time!
Make sure they have a drink in their rooms but no snacks after a certain time.
I give DD a warning 30 minutes before bed to allow for snacks after which she has to wait til morning.
I appreciate it's harder with 3 children but you have to be as consistent as possible. They'll soon learn!

RoseMartha · 17/08/2019 21:03

Kids are 12. No devices after 7. One dc has sleep issues related to asd.
In their room and ready for bed for 9pm. But lights out between 9-10.

Some nights this works with asd child sometimes not.

peachypetite · 17/08/2019 21:06

Can you get a TV for your bedroom?

C0untDucku1a · 17/08/2019 21:07

First, in their rooms at 8. No screens in the bedroom. They wont sleep well if they're on screens before bed. Reading.

Hecateh · 17/08/2019 21:34

If the kids have to be up and out of the house for 7.15am they need to be in bed and asleep at a reasonable time in order to get enough sleep. The 2 younger ones definitely should be asleep or close to by 7pm and 8pm respectively. Oldest not much later if up early every day. How about agreeing to 10pm Friday and Saturday if, and only if, (s)he is settl ed ing down by 9pm and not coming downstairs after 9.