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Original poster

Kids bedtimes, no adult down time

150 replies

OhDearWhyAmIFatterly · 17/08/2019 19:52

I'm hoping parents with older kids can help me with this....
We have 3 children 6, 10 and 13. Obviously it's the summer holidays so bedtimes have slid a bit but I'm struggling as we are just not getting any down time with no kids in the evening!!!
I know we have kids and that's part and parcel but I need some time!
I'm dreading back to school and all the battles.
We get up early for the school childcare drop off, and are out of the house bu 7.15. Home by 6.
I just need a period of uninterrupted TV time in the evening after super stressful day at work....
Is it reasonable to say to older kids they have to be in their rooms by a certain time even if not asleep??
Even if we try to send them up to watch TV or read the constantly come back down for drinks or whatever so I can't watch anything!!
Are we destined to only watch family friendly TV and then go to bed for the next 5 years???
I miss 7pm bedtimes!!!!
Please tell me your routines.....

OP posts:
Original poster
OhDearWhyAmIFatterly · 26/08/2019 22:26

PLEASE not ease

OP posts:
ExpletiveDelighted · 26/08/2019 22:40

Well, mine are still up (13 and 15), but one has just gone upstairs and the other will go shortly. I just get on with my evening around them. There are still times when they bug me about stuff when I have just settled on the sofa but it's not a regular occurrence. I think you need to teach them to sort their own fan and Alexa out so you don't have to actually go up with them. Do it with them a few times then ask them to try and do it by themselves. Also rather than tuck them in get them to come into the living room and say goodnight to you there before they go to bed.

Original poster
OhDearWhyAmIFatterly · 26/08/2019 22:40

Can anyone help????

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Original poster
OhDearWhyAmIFatterly · 26/08/2019 22:43

Thank you delighted, sorry I posted before I saw your post.
They can do it, it's just delaying tactics.
Then I feel. Bad if I don't go up becasue it feels like I'm denying them me tucking them in.... Which is ridiculous becasue like I said they don't want a bloody cuddleAnyway!!!!!

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ExpletiveDelighted · 26/08/2019 22:48

I know, mine aren't bad in the evenings but do drive me mad at other times don't get me started on fussy eating. Just push back, a little at a time and try not to feel bad about it, you are doing them a favour in the long run.

Original poster
OhDearWhyAmIFatterly · 26/08/2019 22:53

Thank you, I get so anxious about doing the right thing. Being a good parent all the time. I get it wrong all the time then I get so upset

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ExpletiveDelighted · 26/08/2019 22:58

It's very normal to feel like that IMO, but I have found it gets easier to push back as they get older because you really start to realise the importance of getting them independent. One of mine has dypsraxia and does find some practical tasks harder and it is so easy just to do it for them but I am really making an effort now to talk them through things and teach them, not to cave in and just do it and it really is making a difference.

Original poster
OhDearWhyAmIFatterly · 26/08/2019 23:01

You are right, i know.
I do find it hard though, then I end up Losing my rag anyway so it's not a nice bedtime!!!

OP posts:
stucknoue · 26/08/2019 23:02

At 13, 9pm is a reasonable time to insist they are upstairs, unfortunately you have to get used to them being around (or still out when you go to bedHmm) dd is out overnight every other day, or he's here these days, the delights of adult kidsConfused

Original poster
OhDearWhyAmIFatterly · 26/08/2019 23:05

Thanks stuck.
Previous replies seemed to all agree that they can be downstairs until 10 but I just think that's too late....

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Original poster
OhDearWhyAmIFatterly · 26/08/2019 23:06

Can't imagine what having adult kids is like!!!!!!

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YesQueen · 26/08/2019 23:08

What if you say shower, bed and I'll be up in X mins to tuck you in?

My mum was fairly relaxed with me hanging about during the evenings but she had the remote Grin I used to wander in and just curl up and watch whatever was on. Although she did also let me watch the hand that rocks the cradle with her Blush
I think some storylines are helpful as starting points for conversations, obviously if you're watching Saw or something then perhaps not but some of the dramas that are on later can be quite good without being graphic. I wasn't ever restricted on viewing or reading so I'm a bit stuck on advice there!
My mum was very "you can wander, sit, read, whatever but I am watching this and do not disturb me" or you can go to bed

Original poster
OhDearWhyAmIFatterly · 26/08/2019 23:17

I wish mine would just come in and cuddle!
Maybe we should say no TV downstairs unless it's what we are watching? (we have 2 tvs downstairs so the kids can be in a different room)
I have tried the up you go to shower then read but they just dick around

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SomeInternetUser · 26/08/2019 23:20

I have been feeling exactly the same about missing 7pm bedtimes. No idea if I’m reasonable but have been saying 9pm upstairs, no screens but don’t have to sleep. Mine are 13 and 14

YesQueen · 26/08/2019 23:20

"Oh dear it's taken you so long to get ready that you'll need more time tomorrow so you'll have to go up earlier" Wink

Original poster
OhDearWhyAmIFatterly · 26/08/2019 23:25

YESSSSS SOMEINTERNETUSER, Someone who feels the same!!
What do yours do upstairs?
Mine, DC1 especially, will go nuts if I say he can't have a screen....

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Original poster
OhDearWhyAmIFatterly · 26/08/2019 23:25

Yesqueen, I like that and have tried it but it's short lived!

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Skyejuly · 26/08/2019 23:27

My eldest 2 are 13 and 15. I just go to bed and watch TV in room of they are up lol usually make sure they are in rooms by 9.30⁹

Original poster
OhDearWhyAmIFatterly · 26/08/2019 23:31

Skyejuly, how do you know they will go to sleep. If I don't go in they would be watching or gaming then say "oh I didn't know I had to finish"
Or "you didn't tell me it was time for sleep!"

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SomeInternetUser · 26/08/2019 23:36

They read mostly. I think it is just getting used to a new stage. It is a lot to do with screens for me. (She says on mumsnet late) I go to bed quite early myself usually. I’m not as strict with it as a bedtime you would set for a younger child.

Original poster
OhDearWhyAmIFatterly · 26/08/2019 23:48

Mine hate reading.... Another thread!
I still make them Read every day but they won't do it for pleasure

OP posts:
CurlyhairedAssassin · 26/08/2019 23:49

I get so anxious about doing the right thing. Being a good parent all the time. I get it wrong all the time then I get so upset

Maybe this is the issue. I can’t say I feel like that so maybe that’s why I don’t feel so uptight about them still being up or wanting to hang out with us watching TV with us? I don’t feel like I need the break from them. I remember the feeling “thank fuck for that!” And flopping down on sofa with the telly and remote. But it gradually passed and we adjusted. We all watched 3 episodes of the IT Crowd tonight and had a right laugh. Also a documentary on Aldi (15 year old interested in business) while the 13 year old listened to music on headphones. Last few nights we watched Who wants to be a millionaire.

We have 2 rooms downstairs with TVs in luckily. So occasionally DH and the boys will watch something crap (to me!) in that room and I will watch my crap (to them) stuff in the other room.

Re the tucking in. At 13 and 15, mine insist on getting this still! Grin. I think it’s a comfort thing, the security of habit and routine. DS2 was always cuddly before bed up until about a year and a half ago, DS2 was not. But they STILL like me going up to give them a kiss on the cheek (the 15 year old always wipes it off but he has a sneaky little smile on his face I can tell ha ha). He will always insist on the routine of me tucking his quilt in at the foot end, a kiss on the cheek or a shoulder pat or something - a sign of affection of some sort) and a “goodnight DS1!” And i turn the light out as I shut his bedroom door.

The 13 year old likes his kiss, his “goodnight” and his door leaving open at exactly the same gap each night.

They like that every night and it takes less than 5 mins to go into the two of them so I don’t understand the feeling of you not being able to relax. Mine shower earlier on in the evening (they like to watch tv in PJs) so all they have to do before bed is brush teeth. I shout up sometimes to hurry them if they’re chatting too much. When I think I can hear them getting into bed I go up and do the “tucking in” routine. 5 mins and then back down. It’s hardly an effort if you have a pause button on then TV

Original poster
OhDearWhyAmIFatterly · 26/08/2019 23:53

It sounds like yours don't dick around so a quick 5 mins getting into bed ready for tucking in turns into 40mins of faffing. Lucky you, that's why I'm at my wits end. Mine will moan abput bedtime and going up EVERY night, then faff endlessly. It is exhausting

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CurlyhairedAssassin · 26/08/2019 23:56

how do you know they will go to sleep. If I don't go in they would be watching or gaming then say "oh I didn't know I had to finish"Or "you didn't tell me it was time for sleep!"

This is why you need a “tuck in” routine. It’s not a routine as I said but I’m just using it to show it’s every night. I just go up when they need to have their lights off and go to sleep (whatever time works for you). Take screens away and downstairs (although I don’t allow screens in bedrooms), check they have a drink, kiss, “I love you, Dc, goodnight”, light off, door at precise measurement they like it Grin and go. when they’re teens there is no stalling for time as you leave usually unless they have got something on their mind or “have a funny joke I forgot to tell you”. Both are worth going back in for!

CurlyhairedAssassin · 27/08/2019 00:00

Maybe I am lucky and don’t realise, I don’t know, Op. what do you mean by dicking around?

I think all older kids moan about having to go to bed. I think it’s just part of being a kid?!