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Original poster

DH forgot to pick up DS from holiday club...

123 replies

FreedomFidgit · 16/08/2019 19:19

So I have been suffering from a sore back all week and managed to get a massage booked in for this afternoon - as I left the last thing I said was ‘Don’t forget to pick DS up’...and he still forgot.

I got home to a missed call from the club, and when I called them back DH had just arrived over 20 minutes late.

DH has been working 100+ hour weeks, and everything falls to me - I feel very put upon, am knackered and this week have been exceptionally sore.

As he came in I said ‘No harm done, but what was the last thing I said to you before I left’. Cue him having a massive strop about me ‘having a go’.

One word has bothered another as I was all set to just leave it, but the comment about me ‘having a go’ sent me over the edge, and he got it with both barrels....he’s now hiding out in his office upstairs!

Have no one to talk to IRL, guess I just wanted to vent a bit!

OP posts:
AnotherEmma · 16/08/2019 19:22
Flowers

DH does that. He does something wrong so I say something about it, calmly. Then he gets defensive and annoyed that I've dared to criticise him, and I lose my shit.

Sounds like you're both having a tough time for different reasons. Does he often work such crazy hours? Are your back problems short or long term?

Cockw0mble · 16/08/2019 19:24

Honestly I can see why he might be upset. He's working silly hours, and yes that means you have to do a lot of the childcare/housework, but if you're tired I'm sure he is too.

Original poster
FreedomFidgit · 16/08/2019 19:24

He works very long hours, normally away half the week, but it’s got really crazy recently, so he’s been working like this for the last 2 months...I think the company is taking the piss big time (team of 6 3 years ago down to a team of 2).

My back problems are quite long term (although I get months and months that go by and am fine!).

OP posts:
Iggly · 16/08/2019 19:24

I would be angry that he had effectively forgotten his child!

I think this is why mums are so stressed a lot of the time because their kids are always there ticking away.

However your dh has been working crazy hours - that’s unsustainable and I’m not surprised he forgot especially if he doesn’t normally do it

I always text dh a reminder if I think he might forget.

AnotherEmma · 16/08/2019 19:25

Yes diddums. Poor man working long hours can't possibly be expected to pick up his own child after being reminded to do it.

ShirleyPhallus · 16/08/2019 19:25

It sounds like you’re both quite stressed. Working over 100 hour weeks would put me over the edge

Can you just go and make it up for the sake of peace? No harm was done and it won’t do you any good to sit there stewing

IdentifyasTired · 16/08/2019 19:25

He's working 100+ hours a week? Crikey. I wouldn't be getting on his case about being 20 minutes late tbh.

AnotherEmma · 16/08/2019 19:25

Cross posts I was responding to cockwomble

Original poster
FreedomFidgit · 16/08/2019 19:25

I work full time too - am not just sitting twiddling my thumbs all day @Cockw0mble!

OP posts:
Macaroni46 · 16/08/2019 19:25

I think you need to cut him some slack. 100+ hours a week is horrendous! When does he get any down time?
Yes he shouldn't have snapped back at you but I'd let it go.
Why is he working such crazy hours?
Sounds like you're both under a lot of pressure. Can he reduce his hours?

AnotherEmma · 16/08/2019 19:28

The thing if someone is regularly working 100+ hour weeks, it gets to the point when you can't just blame the employer, and you have to start asking yourself whether you could look for a different job. Of course finding another job is not easy. But the vast majority of working mothers would not even consider working those kind of hours, not unless they have a SAHP doing all the childcare and housework, and even then, when would they see their family?! So why is it ok for working fathers to do it. All working parents have to provide for their family but in many cases we do have a choice about the kinds of jobs we do.

Original poster
FreedomFidgit · 16/08/2019 19:30

Am hoping that some sort of normality is resumed soon - there have been serious cuts at his work and he’s scared to say it’s getting too much. He is at his computer in the morning before I get up and still there at night when I go to bed.

He also doesn’t know how to say no, and quite often gets landed with jobs that aren’t specifically his he just knows how to do them.

He’s 50 in a couple of months - I worry endlessly - he has already had a heart attack (at 41) - I worry he’s heading for another!

OP posts:
PrincessScarlett · 16/08/2019 19:32

100 hours a week is excessive - over double full time hours! Sounds like you are both stressed and knackered and have blown things out of proportion. Yes it's not great he was 20 mins late but in the grand scheme of things it's not the end of the world.

AnotherEmma · 16/08/2019 19:34

Frankly I would lose respect for someone who was such a pushover at work.

It's not very attractive is it... a man who can't say no and is constantly chained to his desk at the expense of his health and time with family.

I think you need a calm discussion about this at some point when you both have a bit of time / energy (ha!) because it's just not sustainable is it. You can't hope that things will magically fix themselves because it's his attitude that needs to change. You need to tell him how much you're struggling and how worried you are about him.

PristineCondition · 16/08/2019 19:38

i feel that if a woman worked 100hours and was 20 mins late once and came home to snark the replies would be full of LTB and Flowers for you

IfThisWasOurHouse · 16/08/2019 19:40

Hes working 100+ hours and YOU feel put upon?! Hes right, no harm done. Chill the fuck out

AnotherEmma · 16/08/2019 19:40

Pristine
Oh that old chestnut. Waaaaaah double standards! It's nonsense. And irrelevant since it's complete conjecture.

ShirleyPhallus · 16/08/2019 19:41

Frankly I would lose respect for someone who was such a pushover at work.

It's not very attractive is it... a man who can't say no and is constantly chained to his desk at the expense of his health and time with family.

Are you trolling here? Of course many people end up working huge hours at a time - lawyers, doctors etc. It’s part of the job to work long hours some of the time.

Original poster
FreedomFidgit · 16/08/2019 19:42

I have just gone upstairs to speak to him and he’s on a flippin’ work call! He really needs to find a new job for all our sakes!

OP posts:
AnotherEmma · 16/08/2019 19:43

Shirley
Trolling? Hmm
The OP's husband is not a doctor or lawyer.
The OP has explained that he has a desk job and explained why he works long hours.
It's not because he's saving lives or winning big cases, that's for sure.
Oh but his job is so much more important than the OP's! Because penis Hmm

rainandshine52 · 16/08/2019 19:44

100 hours a week and your on at him about forgetting things! Personally I think you need to cut him some slack.

AnotherEmma · 16/08/2019 19:45

(Do doctors and lawyers really work 100+ hour weeks for months on end??? I doubt it. Sure there must be times - eg during medical training, big cases, etc - but working those kind of hours at a high level is not sustainable.)

MoodLighting · 16/08/2019 19:46

Why should OP cut him slack? 100 hours per week is ridiculous! If that's what he's working regularly he needs to sort it out. Otherwise OP is subsiding her partners company, which truly takes the piss.

tigger001 · 16/08/2019 19:47

Yes, i can see both sides, you both sound really stressed and over loaded.
It's really not the end of the world on one occasion to be 20mins late, but admittedly annoying he forgot about his child 😳😳😳

You are probably extremely worried about him also which might have added to your (slight ) overreaction. Yeah he sounds like taking his foot off a bit, if at all possible, is in his best interest and everyone else's.

AnotherEmma · 16/08/2019 19:48

There are 168 hours in a week
If you sleep 7 hours a night that's 49 hours
That leaves 119 hours
If someone works 100 hours that leaves 19 hours which is really not much at all
That's workaholic levels of work
That's not living