DH forgot to pick up DS from holiday club...

[FreedomFidgit]

So I have been suffering from a sore back all week and managed to get a massage booked in for this afternoon - as I left the last thing I said was ‘Don’t forget to pick DS up’...and he still forgot.

I got home to a missed call from the club, and when I called them back DH had just arrived over 20 minutes late.

DH has been working 100+ hour weeks, and everything falls to me - I feel very put upon, am knackered and this week have been exceptionally sore.

As he came in I said ‘No harm done, but what was the last thing I said to you before I left’. Cue him having a massive strop about me ‘having a go’.

One word has bothered another as I was all set to just leave it, but the comment about me ‘having a go’ sent me over the edge, and he got it with both barrels....he’s now hiding out in his office upstairs!

Have no one to talk to IRL, guess I just wanted to vent a bit!

Hes doing a 100 hours a week and forgot,, you're right, no harm done but you didn't have to say it with other bit tagged on the end, passive aggressive af. Then you complain on here that you're knackered! Cut him some slack, apologise, I would, even though I hate apologising

Well @AnotherEmma I’m a lawyer and all my work is done at my desk. We aren’t all barristers out winning “big cases” but a lot of corporate law involves very long hours, yes

Nothing to do with penises. I don’t have one, for example.

Well aren't you wonderful

Your dh works 100 hours a week and you are knackered and feel put upon?
Your poor dh.
Thread familiar as well.

If you work 100 hours a week in your big shot job I wouldn't want to be married to you

I’ve forgotten to pick up DC. It happens, horrible as it is at the time. I would just forget about it. You both sound really stressed and this isn’t worth it

100 hours is nearly three full time jobs. That is absolutely bonkers. I work a lot but i honestly think I would forget my own name let alone my child if those were my hours. I don't think you've been unreasonable but equally I don't think he has. It sounds like you're trying to make the ends meet as a family and it's hard work for you all. Be kind to each other.

If I or my dh had done the same the other would not have needed to rub it in. Unless your dh did it deliberately or didn’t feel bad at all then what was the point in going over his error?

No harm done, but what was the last thing I said to you before I left

Why did you bother with the second part of the sentence of the first part was true.

That’s the kind of thing I’d say to a child I was trying to teach responsibility to. Not an adult who has been working 100 hours a week for months and simply made a mistake.

I worry endlessly - he has already had a heart attack (at 41) - I worry he’s heading for another!

He's working 100 hours a week yet you had a massive go at him after he told you to not have a go.

Yep, really sounds as if you're worried about him.

But he was right you were having a go. Twenty minutes late is hardly the end of the world, and easily done if you’re busy concentrating on something.

You owe him an apology in my opinion.

You’re worried about him having a heart attack yet berate him for this!!

He needs to sort out his boundaries with work and fuck that off. But at 50, he might find it intimidating.

My mum forgot to pick up my little sister once from school. She was a SAHM, and had been chatting with her own mum. She was about 15 minutes late. No one had a go at her, least of all my dad. It happens, often. If your DH has a habit of forgetting to pick up the your DC because he is exhausted from working stupid hours, then he needs to sort his job out. But your remark was a bit patronising and I'm not surprised he got defensive. He may well have been feeling really guilty about it anyway.

100+ hours a week?

That's over double the limit set by the European working time directive. He won't be getting his legal rest breaks between shifts with those kinds of hours either. Has he opted out of the 48 hours a week with signed consent? I assume he's choosing to do this many hours rather than being made to. Are his colleagues working such crazy hours?

You have bigger problems than him forgetting DS

Sorry but i do think you are being unreasonable. He's working 100 hour weeks he must be exhausted and not surprising he didn't remember everything. Also he forgot but still got there only 20 mins late. And you basically did a 'I told you so' type thing.

I think Emma's got a point. Working 100 hour weeks is not sustainable or at least it is not working for the op, and that's the issue here.
I love hard working, motivated people, push overs however who can't say no but take and take from their loved ones, it isa bit of a turn off.
Op, is he doing anything about looking for another job? Does the understand that it's putting you under extra pressure?

Orange
"You have bigger problems than him forgetting DS"
That's what I was trying to say! You said it more concisely

I worry about DS, who has no child and is only just 20, but can work (and did before going on holiday) for 55 hours in three days. He's a chef in a posh hotel, and they have recently lost senior staff members (headhunted). In his business there simply are not people with the skills needed available to call in, so the hotel uses agency (unreliable) staff.

No answers here, but he's just accepted a permanent job. His minimum hours will be 55 per week, and it will be 70 hours more weeks than not.

Op works aswell but its always down to the woman isnt it-oth hes gonna kill himself if he doesnt slow down soon op

100+ hours?

I would be very nervous about his health tbh. I wouldn't think of asking him to do more. That amount of stress can cause a heart attack or stroke. I agree with pp that he needs to look for another job.

You poor love. It's obvious you can't both go on like this, you need to cut the ours and your cloth accordingly.
100 hours a week is not healthy, for anyone, especially when you have a family.

100+ wow he must be so run down and tired no wonder he was late.he needs to take time out and get some chill time.

100 hour weeks! That's 14 hours a day assuming 7 days a week. Ridiculous.