Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Original poster

DH forgot to pick up DS from holiday club...

123 replies

FreedomFidgit · 16/08/2019 19:19

So I have been suffering from a sore back all week and managed to get a massage booked in for this afternoon - as I left the last thing I said was ‘Don’t forget to pick DS up’...and he still forgot.

I got home to a missed call from the club, and when I called them back DH had just arrived over 20 minutes late.

DH has been working 100+ hour weeks, and everything falls to me - I feel very put upon, am knackered and this week have been exceptionally sore.

As he came in I said ‘No harm done, but what was the last thing I said to you before I left’. Cue him having a massive strop about me ‘having a go’.

One word has bothered another as I was all set to just leave it, but the comment about me ‘having a go’ sent me over the edge, and he got it with both barrels....he’s now hiding out in his office upstairs!

Have no one to talk to IRL, guess I just wanted to vent a bit!

OP posts:

floribunda18 · 17/08/2019 08:13

We need to stop praising men who work ridiculous hours each week when they have children. It is not a good thing and not acceptable in a co-parent. It's not like both parents can do it is it?

That's why so many mums still don't go for promotion, don't network as much and plan their leave around whether their children may have sick days. I recently took a job a grade lower due to not having the option of working late every night, which is not a concern for DH.

Thank you! Great post, completely agree.

youarenotkiddingme · 17/08/2019 08:21

I'm a single parent.

Forgotten to pick my ds before now.

It happens people are human.

I actually think if I'd made a mistake and someone's attitude was "it always falls to me" when I was working 100 hour weeks that I'd be defensive.

I actually don't think either or you is right or wrong. You've both just had different stresses and that's caused an argument.

You need to find time to get a better balance in both your lives.

ToLiveInPeace · 17/08/2019 08:36

You seem overly invested in being critical and very insistent on gender stereotypes here @AnotherEmma. OP's DH is clearly under incredible strain. It's hard to make perfect choices under stress but other people have found kinder ways to suggest that his work situation is what needs to be addressed.

KUGA · 17/08/2019 08:53

He works 100+hpw,and your off on one because he was late picking DC up?.
And you have a go at him,no wonder hes gone to his office. He gets 67hrs to do what he wants,and that doesnt take in the fact that he needs to seep.
TABVU

Queenbean · 17/08/2019 08:54

@AnotherEmma why are you so invested in this thread, has a similar situation happened to you?

KUGA · 17/08/2019 08:54

Meant to be YABVU

notapizzaeater · 17/08/2019 09:24

I don't think I'd want him driving (or walking) if he's doing g 100 hours week in week out. He must be knackered. He needs to speak to his boss as this isn't sustainable- it's not fair on any of you.

Horehound · 17/08/2019 09:52

I'm also wondering why @anotheremma is so aggressive about this thread.

The guy was at home, I'm not sure why it's been turned Into a "this is a work issue" it may not be! He could have been enjoying a tv programme or something or whatever and simply slipped his mind.

I'm not seeing the big deal here. And other pp' s not working 100 hours have said they've forgotten too.

People make mistakes :s

FrangipaniBlue · 17/08/2019 10:26

No harm done, but what was the last thing I said to you before I left

If you have to use "but" in the middle of sentence you probably shouldn't finish the second half of it.

I've forgotten to pick DS up, DH has forgotten to take swimming kits, both of us have taken him to school in uniform on non-uniform days.

Life is busy and sometimes we mess up. No one died because of it.

If DH felt the need to remind me that he'd reminded me and I still messed up he would be swiftly told to fuck off to the far side of fuck.

coffeeforone · 17/08/2019 10:57

100 hours a week should never be a regular thing in any profession - it could be a one off for a couple of weeks max and the other parent would have to cut them a massive amount of slack!!! If this is a regular working pattern the something at his work is drastically wrong and needs to change for the sake of your marriage.

IAskTooManyQuestions · 17/08/2019 11:13

He' working a 100 hours a week and you're out getting a massage - oh you poor love! How do you cope ??

kingsassassin · 17/08/2019 11:21

The op probably copes by taking downtime from her own full time job and responsibility for their child, house and her health condition by scheduling downtime including taking massages when possible @IAskTooManyQuestions

BlackCatSleeping · 17/08/2019 11:28

I seem to remember a thread where an OP was 5 minutes late picking up their child from nursery and they got ripped to shreds.

Cohle · 17/08/2019 11:34

I've worked 100 hour weeks for months on end. It was awful and I was on my knees.

Yes he made a mistake, but adding more to his plate so that you can get a massage isn't terribly supportive.

LovePoppy · 17/08/2019 11:54

@BlackCatSleeping, well that’s only because a woman should never make that mistake. A man has far more important things on his mind to worry about family

LovePoppy · 17/08/2019 11:56

To everyone having a go about the massage, OP said she has a chronic pain condition. Going for massage is akin to going to the doctor for pain management. But sure, let’s reinforced that female pain is only valid when it doesn’t interfere with taking care of her man and her family. 🤦🏼‍♀️

ShatFic · 17/08/2019 13:19

DP and I have both forgotten things and if the other one had said what you did it would've ended up in an argument.
Life is busy and things get forgotten, then we argue about it which adds to our stress so we forget more things. We now use a shared calendar app which reduces arguments, and if one of us need a reminding to do something we set a reminder for Alexa to tell us.

Figgygal · 17/08/2019 13:26

100 hours a week?
The more you give to company the more they Will take if the team is now half the size the employees aren't responsible for maintaining the same level of productivity. They are rubbing their hands together at all that free Labour your husband is mad to do it to the detriment of his health and home life.

TSSDNCOP · 17/08/2019 15:04

I can imagine he sat down, closed his eyes and mind and time ran away. I can also imagine how bad he felt on the warp speed journey to get to DS.

Those hours are not sustainable for him and your family. He needs a lan how to tackle that.

Happysummer2020 · 18/08/2019 00:47

He's working 100 hour weeks ? Really?

That's insane. I don't blame him for losing concentration about stuff. Do you realise how much work that is?!

Happysummer2020 · 18/08/2019 00:55

*We need to stop praising men who work ridiculous hours each week when they have children. It is not a good thing and not acceptable in a co-parent. It's not like both parents can do it is it?

Your talking about people who work 100 hours a week and shouldn't be acknowledged?

Male or female they should be so don't be ridiculous. Would you rather your husband went part time and earned a part time salary? I doubt it.

floribunda18 · 18/08/2019 08:37

There is a happy medium of working the normal full time hours you get paid for. It's not either 20 hours or a hundred.

justasking111 · 18/08/2019 14:11

If he was a donkey, the RSPCA would get involved. Unfortunately he is a man, when he drops in harness who will mourn him.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Swipe left for the next trending thread