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Original poster

DH forgot to pick up DS from holiday club...

123 replies

FreedomFidgit · 16/08/2019 19:19

So I have been suffering from a sore back all week and managed to get a massage booked in for this afternoon - as I left the last thing I said was ‘Don’t forget to pick DS up’...and he still forgot.

I got home to a missed call from the club, and when I called them back DH had just arrived over 20 minutes late.

DH has been working 100+ hour weeks, and everything falls to me - I feel very put upon, am knackered and this week have been exceptionally sore.

As he came in I said ‘No harm done, but what was the last thing I said to you before I left’. Cue him having a massive strop about me ‘having a go’.

One word has bothered another as I was all set to just leave it, but the comment about me ‘having a go’ sent me over the edge, and he got it with both barrels....he’s now hiding out in his office upstairs!

Have no one to talk to IRL, guess I just wanted to vent a bit!

OP posts:
colbyandmontysmum · 16/08/2019 20:31

He's 50 in a couple of months - I worry endlessly - he has already had a heart attack (at 41) - I worry he's heading for another!

That is worrisome. Your DH needs to find another job where the hours are more normal, if possible. My DH had a heart attack at 50 and had to have a multiple bypass later. His work team kept getting smaller and smaller until he was the only one left in his department. Instead of getting mad and insisting on more help, he tried to do all the jobs. His clients were calling his bosses saying he was working himself to death and he needed help. The bastards did nothing and my DH suffered a health breakdown and had to go on medical leave for 5 years. After 5 years, when he was better, they didn't want him back. Luckily he was able to find a better employer who was willing to let him work 4 days a week. Don't let your DH get this bad, insist he finds another job.

JoshLymanIsHotterThanSam · 16/08/2019 20:32

As someone who has just done 50 hours this week-and am in both days this weekend which will take me up to 60, I can’t half feel sorry for the bloke. I’m knackered and I’ve only done it for one week.

MissPollyHadADolly19 · 16/08/2019 20:42

Bloody hell that's alot of hours! If it's not a part of his usual routine it's no surprise it slipped his mind.
I remember a time when DDs dad couldn't pick her up from school on his usual day and I was suppose to get her, I forgot and that was on one of my days off so no excuse of being at work/tired!

@AnotherEmma you're either a troll or trying to make you're point ever so badly, what does having a penis or working as a lawyer/doctor have to do with this? Human error - have you heard of it!?
Fwiw there are people out there who choose to work crazy hours but for the benefit of their family, doesn't mean they're a pushover and the way you've worded your posts they come across extremely judgey.

Ash39 · 16/08/2019 20:42

The problem isn't that he forgot to pick up your son. The problem is that amount of hours.
That's extremely worrying. Frighteningly so.

AnotherEmma · 16/08/2019 20:45

MissPolly
Just because you disagree with me doesn't me I'm a troll.

" what does having a penis or working as a lawyer/doctor have to do with this?"

Sex is relevant because it is often men working crazy hours and women working too but also doing everything at home because the man is never around. Not in every case, obviously, but it's true in this case.

I agree that lawyers/doctors don't have anything to do with it. It was a PP who mentioned those professions and I was responding to her post.

AnotherEmma · 16/08/2019 20:48

"Fwiw there are people out there who choose to work crazy hours but for the benefit of their family, doesn't mean they're a pushover"

Of course not. But this particular person appears to be a pushover based on what the OP has told us about him. I'm not judging every person who works long hours but 100+ hours is excessive and I am unimpressed by people who fail to set appropriate boundaries at work when they have other responsibilities; to themselves and to their families.

Supersimpkin · 16/08/2019 20:49

I'd be more worried about an adult working 100-hr weeks than I would a child waiting 15 min for a lift.

Hope your back gets better soon.

RubbingHimSourly · 16/08/2019 20:52

100 hour weeks?? Bloody hell, cut him some slack 😳

SparklyMagpie · 16/08/2019 20:54

Christ, there was no need to add on " what was the last thing I said to you before you left?"

Tbh I'd be pretty fucking miffed.

It was a slip up, he's shattered, hes already had one heart attack, you're worried about him, so why be like this for what? Him being 20 minutes late

I'd say the same if roles were reversed

20 minutes late is not the issue here, which you know

ControversialFerret · 16/08/2019 20:57

I've had to do some long weeks over the last couple of months and have been breaking 65 hours and more, but JC on a crutch I can't imagine how he must feel if he's doing 100!

I think you need to have a calm chat with him and point out that losing your shit is a symptom of being concerned about him - his health and the fact that he's missing out on his family life. This is not sustainable.

Aqueo517 · 16/08/2019 20:58

I didn’t even know there were 100 hours in a week!

TeamUnicorn · 16/08/2019 20:58

Goodness it sounds like everyone is under a lot of stress. Your DH really needs to look at his work life balance because at the moment there is none at all. The odd crazy week because someone is ill and a deadline is looming, but weeks and weeks on end is not sustainable.

He needs to cut back his hours, but may need some steering to get to that decision.

LemonPrism · 16/08/2019 20:59

Jesus, 100+ hours?!?

Poor bastard I'm knackered with 50!

Chocness · 16/08/2019 21:10

And how many hours a week does the OP have to work, whether that’s in an office, looking after children, managing the house, food shops, managing the family etc...I’d be equally as frustrated as the OP being the default parent even more so as her DH was reminded.

AmIThough · 16/08/2019 21:14

He didn't forget though, did he, he was just late.

Your comment to him was condescending and unnecessary.

You clearly aren't that worried about him if the first thing you do when he walks through the door is humiliate him in front of DD.

Walkaround · 16/08/2019 21:14

To be fair, FreedomFidgit, you were having a go. How fucking irritating to have someone patronisingly remind you what they said to you before you left the house. What exactly were you trying to achieve by that, except to tell him off and "have a go"? I can see why you did it, as you were irritated, but his response was 100% accurate and your comment was 100% unhelpful and your self-centred way of letting off steam. Your dh already knew what he had done wrong, you didn't need to rub it in. (I probably would have done the same thing... Grin).

BoneyBackJefferson · 16/08/2019 21:15

So he didn't forget, he was just late.

Soontobe60 · 16/08/2019 21:17

You sound very unsupportive I'm afraid. You obviously don't work similar hours as you are able to take time out for a massage in the afternoon. I'm guessing he works from home. A lot. And you are happy to enjoy his salary with him? He had a heart attack at 41, is massively overworking and clearly under stress. He's heading for another heart attack, one which he may well not survive.
You both need to sit down and decide what you want out of your life together.

CedarTreeLeaf · 16/08/2019 21:18

Chocness

The difference is that she's snarking at him for making a mistake. If he was doing that to her, people would say it was wrong especially considering their circumstances. The issue they need to address is that he is working too much and missing out on family time, which can be a way to wind down/relax. And tbh after 100+ hours of work per week I would expect any person's brain to become mush so I wouldn't have a go at them for it.

Contraceptionismyfriend · 16/08/2019 21:20

YABU. If you weren't having a go you shouldn't have said the second bit.
It was really condescending and bitchy.

I've forgotten to pick up DS from holiday club! And I'm the one who booked him in and dropped him off!

It's mainly to do with it being such a change to routine.
Luckily it's close enough that I could whip down there quickly.

MrsGrammaticus · 16/08/2019 21:22

100 hour weeks....are you serious. I'm sure he feels bad for leaving DS 20 mins however I wouldn't hang him out to dry....most people couldn't string a sentence together after working that many hours. Be reasonable OP.

AnotherEmma · 16/08/2019 21:29

Chocness
Exactly.

Soon
"you are happy to enjoy his salary"
Well she doesn't just "enjoy" his salary, she earns her own salary and looks after the house and children while he works all those hours. There isn't a lot of quality time left to enjoy, is there?
Also he might be earning high figures (OP hasn't said) but it comes at a huge cost. I doubt he's paid for all these extra hours, it's probably unpaid overtime.

GiraffeWithSwag · 16/08/2019 21:34

I can completely sympathise with OP. My DH worked like this for probably 5-7 years.....maybe not 100+ hours but 90 ish.....even holidays were interrupted with work calls and emails. It gets to the point that your concern becomes resentment and frustration....frustration and bewilderment that you and the DCs are not enough.
I hope it ends soon and that the sacrifices you are both making are worth it in the long run Flowers

justasking111 · 16/08/2019 21:34

OH needs to find another job, cut back his hours immediately and pray he gets the boot, with redundancy to sweeten things.

Angelf1sh · 16/08/2019 21:46

He was 20 minutes late and you’ve made a fuss about nothing. YABVU

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