Are people really as unkind and mean spirited in real life as they are on here?

[BertrandRussell]

Or do they get it out of their systems by posting on here and are truly lovely in real life?

Are people really as unkind and mean spirited in real life as they are on here?

I’m not unkind or mean spirited but I do say it as I see it. I don’t sugar coat or mince my words so people may perceive me as mean and I’m OK with that.

Reggae- googled it, seems pretty inoffensive wedding fare! You have to wonder why someone had such a visceral reaction to it. It's like those weirdos who stalk baby names threads to say things like, "Zack? You can't call a baby Zack! It sounds like yak, as in yak up everywhere, vomit! He will be followed everywhere by a crowd of children pretending to be loudly and violently ill wherever he goes!"

"Are people really as unkind and mean spirited in real life as they are on here?"

The odd waspish comment, whether posted or spoken is not really a good way of concluding whether someone's is mean spirited, or the kindest loveliest person ever who happens to feel strongly about a single issue and who sometimes sticks their foot in it.

Over-interpretation of what is essentially just people titting about online, and making sweeping judgements, is in itself rather off.

Terracotta I know just what you mean 😂

Great thread!

Myself, I'm quite straightforward irl, and probably less so here.

I've been here about 12 years I think. In that time I have been really over invested in some threads, some which have turned out to be trolls. In general I think it's quite warm and welcoming, but my god, sometimes people get a kicking.

I came on here once for advice on dealing with a really traumatic live situation asking for help. I didn't have anyone to talk to due to the nature of the situation and I was desperate. People were disgusting. They jeered, called troll, and basically made me feel like shit. I dont even think it was AIBU, think it was in Relationships, but I will never ever make the mistake of expecting support again. That's sad.

IRL I'm known for being honest with people, but I try to do it kindly. For some reason I am often the person colleagues talk to when they have an issue, whether that is personal or work/colleague related. I always make it clear I am not a 'yes' person - of I think they've got something wrong I will tell them. They like I am like that. They choose to talk to me because of it. I try to be the same on here, I might not always succeed but I do try. I often type out a response to an OP and end up deleting it because typed words cannot convey the tone in my voice. Maybe more of us need to think how our posts are perceived rather than what we mean?

@ReggaetonLente - how on earth could that reading have upset anyone????

No people are not as mean in real life, I’m not a fan of the pack mentality that can take place here, the troll hunters, the bullshitters, the put downers and it’s not how it used to be in 2005 when you used to see the same names every day and it actually felt like a real community even if it was an online community
Now it feels v v different and it’s worse for it

The feedback was that it might upset people who were single/divorced as it says that life is nothing without love. Which was fine, someone suggested a tweak and we loved it on the day.

Like I say, I don't think the poster was upset at all, I think she just wanted to be a cow and thought she had free reign to do so because I posted in AIBU.

The feedback was that it might upset people who were single/divorced as it says that life is nothing without love.

That's daft, too- as though erotic love were the only or even the most important type of love.

YANBU, OP. "Nest" of vipers sounds so cosy and comforting, but it's more of a huge writhing, teeming snakepit.

Oh, op when I was fairly new to mn, I responded to a thread in the nicest possible way. I got a very, very harch reply from another poster, the harshness was totally uncalled for... The poster was you 😉.

Since I have got used to mn ways, stay away from threads with certain posters only because I know it is their thing, and that they are very single-minded when discussing certain issues.

Generally i think a lot more about what I write, than what I say in a conversation in rl. I really try to be nice.

And BR, I have been on other threads with you, where you have been perfectly nice 😀. But even you loose sight of common courtesy if it is one of your favorite subjects.

What always gets me is the posts where a DP/H is being a bit of an idiot about a certain thing and the poster is asking if they are right to be exasperated/disagree with him. Then you get endless replies saying 'God, OP you are married to a right twat'; 'is he always this much of a cunt'; 'why on earth did you marry him'; 'this is abusive behaviour' and so on and so forth all the way up to LTB.

For lots of posters there seems to be no nuance at all. They think someone doing something stupid equates to that person being a twat in every single way.

“Oh, op when I was fairly new to mn, I responded to a thread in the nicest possible way. I got a very, very harch reply from another poster, the harshness was totally uncalled for... The poster was you 😉.”
I am sorry about that. If you feel able- could you dm me the username you were using at the time?

Op, don't even know which username 😀. As I said, I have got to know posters 'hobby horses'. Hope to see you on other threads 👋.

Not sure it’s particularly fair to make very specific allegations like that but not give me a chance to review them. Responding in a “very very harsh” way to a perfectly nice post doesn't seem my style. But hey ho. As I said, if I did, I apologise.

PMSL.
🤣🤣🤣🤣

Yes, the LTB response when some poor bugger forgets to put the cat out or pick up some milk is very irksome.

I literally never see that. I see posts insinuating that this happens but i have never read "ltb" when 'the bastard' wasnt a bastard.

“t i have never read "ltb" when 'the bastard' wasnt a bastard.”
Nope. Me neither. But I think some mumsnetters have a very low bar for acceptable male behaviour.

I have also only seen 'ltb' when the partner sounds terrible. Not something trivial like leaving the toilet seat up, but behaviour that makes the poster's life an ongoing misery, and often leaves her questioning her own sanity.