Are people really as unkind and mean spirited in real life as they are on here?

[BertrandRussell]

Or do they get it out of their systems by posting on here and are truly lovely in real life?

There was one the other day where someone was having a bit of a rubbish holiday and loads of 'you're so lucky to have a holiday OP' type posts. Yes, I'm sure the OP was aware that she's lucky to have a holiday - that does not change the fact that she was having a rubbish time at that particular point.
I do think it's 'blunter' than it used to be though, and that's probably a reason why it's much quieter on here than a few years ago.

I think it’s that in RL people say nothing or dishonest things (“white lies”). And give their true opinions anonymously.

Yes. Apologies - I should have explained that I was going to work, and caught the 6.30am and 3.30pm trains to avoid the worst crowds. (I also wasn't affected by the staff cuts I mentioned.)

I do think it's 'blunter' than it used to be though, and that's probably a reason why it's much quieter on here than a few years ago.

This is my last post... truly!

But I used to now and then have a look at Mumsnet because, apart from a few oddballs, it was just women chatting, sharing experiences and giving advice and pinions, and I found it refreshing to see a website that wasn't full of judgmental abuse.

The people I know in real life are much more fun, don't pull people up on phrasing, offer sympathy readily and are likely to have GASP voted Brexit.

Mumsnetland is fake and toxic.

In my mum's county, they are as nasty. Has the misfortune to live there most of my life, and they never fail to disappoint every single solitary time I go back. However In the county I live in (which is by the sea, very laid back), not at all. Everyone is chilled out, pleasant, helps other people. Haven't had one moment of nastiness living here in 7 years. Get it every single time or see it every single time I go back to visit dm. I swear sometimes most mnetters are from her homecounty haha.

I choose to believe that they aren't.

There are some nasty people about for sure. Far fewer than nice ones, I think. I’m always quite taken aback when people are rude and unkind in real life. I expect it here.

When I see people post those types of reply (for the ‘my sister wouldn’t give me a lift in the rain’ example, a thread which I actually remember), it makes me glad that I honestly don’t know anyone in real life who’s such an arsehole. They might be arseholes for other reasons sometimes, but I don’t know anyone who’d do that. And because I’m English and now in Australia for 20 years, it makes me worry and wonder that English people really are uptight like the stereotype.
But then someone like Bertrand, in fact it was Bertrand, comes onto the thread and goes against the baying crowd and I realise that MN is not typical and when I lived in England I didn’t know anyone who’d do that either. I honestly can’t believe how tight and mean some people on here are. Conversely, I’m on some lovely threads with some really kind and funny women.

People are definitely extra mean online, and ridiculously righteous / single minded.

Bit rich OP, I’ve seen you posting some very salty comments before!

Touché

I don't know. Some people do just want validation and don't like it when they don't get it. Some people just have a different perspective and don't realise others are completely different to them. Then there are the random 'be grateful for the shit show your life is because my life is a bigger shit show than yours'.

I don't post anything here I wouldn't say in real life. Does that make me mean? I'd sooner someone was honest with me than bullshit me to my face and slag me off behind my back.

There's times I don't post because I can tell my opinion is not on a par with the OP. Which feels counter productive sometimes.

Bertrand, are you feeling a bit down today? Sometimes when we’re in a low mood, we can only see the bad in things.
Have a scroll through some of the threads from abused women, trying to find the courage to leave awful partners - you’ll see loads of kind, helpful, supportive encouraging posts, people sending hugs and flowers, sharing their own experiences of abuse, giving good advice, praying for them, etc.
I’m always touched by how supportive the “nest of vipers” is to any woman who is struggling with a tough relationship. Ditto the kindness offered to the bereaved, the depressed, the chronically ill, those with toxic parents...
Sure, there’s an occasional troll, but they’re often given their arse on a plate by the other PPs who protect the OP.
Don’t lose your faith in human nature. We are all a mix of good and bad, but the good outweighs the bad. Think of all the unreported kind deeds, the charity donations, the volunteers who help out. Evil makes the headlines purely because it is NOT the norm!

The gaslighting on here is disgusting at times, twisting what the OP says and trying to make out things that’s aren’t the OPs fault or responsibility are down to them. Just absolute spiteful bile at times, deliberately misunderstanding the OPs posts and sticking the knife in as much as possible at times. Bloody pathetic, this used to be a supportive place to come for help and a shoulder to cry on now it’s a total bitchfest at times always some cunt waiting to tear people down when they clearly don’t deserve it, it must make them feel very important in an otherwise unimportant existence.

What I dislike is the MN AIBU pile-on. A few posters reasonably disagree with the OP - the OP admits she might have been U - and then from nowhere, hundreds turn up with vitriolic comments, ignoring the fact the OP has already acknowledged she was U. Also, the amount of victim-blaming you see on some threads.

Its MN not real life. Gives you a chance to vent. Most people are posting on things that are going wrong so you get a skewed view of things. Its my OH is a swine he ate my chocolate, seldom my OH made me breakfast in bed this morning. (LTB)

Read on and enjoy as if you were reading dear deirdre or some other tabloid agony aunt.

I think people can be honest about what they think here as there's no repercussions. In life I think we think the same things, just don't have the guts to say it...

I'm even worse

ClemDanFango I agree. So many spiteful users around these days. Deliberately misunderstanding the OP as a put down when they've made a grammatical error, making horrible assumptions about a poster from a tiny snapshot and just generally being vile. Feels like a playground at times.

I feel like people are being OTT on the Hamleys thread.

Key board warriors!

The thing is, often meanness is in the eye of the beholder. For instance, OP, you're v often on the side of MILs or other relatives who feel shut out from a new baby - you feel (and I normally agree with you, for what it's worth) that you're sticking up for people being treated badly. But many other posters think you're being meanly unsupportive of a new mother. You don't see your posts as nasty, but other people might.

@BertrandRussell, are you OK? You are a poster I have agreed with more often than not as long as I've been on here (I name-change weekly), and in general I think that while you're forthright in a way that some posters clearly find difficult, you are not 'mean'. However, you made a lazy and unpleasant remark about Ireland and feminism recently and when challenged, you ignored it, and this question sounds far too mimsy for you...

At the reasonable end of the scale, I think people are just more honest and forthright about their opinions because they are anonymous. At the less reasonable end, often on AIBU, people actually enjoy venting their self-righteous and indignant rage. And the ragers sort of egg each other on, until it becomes a tirade totally disproportionate to what the OP actually said.
I think people are a bit like that in real life,but mostly only in their heads. What worries me is the way all this online aggression, paranoia and defensiveness builds up and spills out into real life acts of aggression.

At times a thread can reveal what some people are like in certain professions. Last week there was a thread about family courts. The venomous insults and name calling from posters claiming to be professionals in child protection, were shocking to say the least!

I think everyone has different boundaries and when maybe they relate to a situation themselves, it can muddy the water.

Quite often I see posters in the midst of an affair looking for advice. Naturally there will be posters who have been on the receiving end of being cheated on and will have their own judgement and experience on this. It can be intertwined with projection which quite a few posters have been accused of.

I agree with pps about certain topics emote certain reactions and that sometimes when were in a bad mood ourselves it can cause us to be snappy and take things the wrong way.