Are people really as unkind and mean spirited in real life as they are on here?

[BertrandRussell]

Or do they get it out of their systems by posting on here and are truly lovely in real life?

@NoSauce - that’s what I though but there seems to have been a bit of misunderstanding!

“The idea that women might speak their minds, and that not everyone is nice about everything, seemed to be anathema.”
I do think that’s quite a common view. It’s often used when feminists don’t automatically support other women whatever they do or say. The “what price the sisterhood now” approach.

I was shopping in a supermarket, a woman gave me a lovely smile, I smiled back, and then she dropped the Clanger "you're welcome"
that took the smile off my face, how mean, passive aggressive is she?

but yes, some people are spectacularly mean in situations, anonymously more so

It’s very easy to misconstrue a response as “mean and nasty” when you’re talking about the written word, an Internet forum and thousand of women who are strangers and have their own opinions and stances.

It’s a recipe for absolute carnage in reality.

I was shopping in a supermarket, a woman gave me a lovely smile, I smiled back, and then she dropped the Clanger "you're welcome"
that took the smile off my face, how mean, passive aggressive is she?

What were you supposed to be grateful for

I think I'm mostly the same on here as in real life. Most of the time I'm nice, kind, helpful. Other times I'm an arsehole and I don't look back on the times like that happily.

You can tell that some posters get a real kick out of deliberately twisting what a poster says and generally being bitchy. I don't think there are very many like that really, most. Like in real life, most people are nice with a few twats along the way.

Also, you can't read tone which makes a massive difference.

Yes exactly, tone makes all the difference.

I do think think sometimes you see people on a thread and you're in no way surprised when they post something unkind, because they always seem to go down that road. I don't really understand that, to be honest.

Some people are always abrupt/rude, some are always agreeable no matter the topic is ( which I actually find strange tbh ) and some are a mixture of both.

I’m definitely the last one.

On the flip side I also see some posters whose only contribution to threads is along the lines of 'everyone here is really mean, you all enjoy being bullies'. I don't understand that either. If you find the site so terrible, step away. Or at least learn the difference between disagreeing and bullying.

I'm generally a thundercunt unless someone posts a cute dog picture.

I think we all have things that wind us up. I get very annoyed at the hard time some posters give step mothers, so often don't hold back in their defence.

The ageism on here annoys me as well.

I sometimes say what I wish I had the guts to say to RL friends whose marriages are a mess.

I always make sure I say exactly what I'd say in person. In person, I'm generally blunt and upfront about situations. A lot of people don't like the way I can be. I struggle in real life with friends when they come to me for advice and they don't like what advice I give them. Or the fact eventually I become intolerant to situations that keep recurring with them when they don't listen to my advice. The difficulty for me is I see things very black and white most the time, and what seems obvious to me doesn't necessarily seem obvious with others. :(

OP I find your posts and manner offhand, abrupt, dismissive and pretty contemptuous of those you disagree with. Unkind at times. It's ironic you started this thread.

Well well well. Been a thread during the night in relationships where the OP admitted she has knowingly been with a convicted paedophile for five years.
Sorry, I thought this meant the OP of THIS thread. Why the ‘Well, well, well’ then? Oh well. Forget that.

It's the AIBU culture that's seeped elsewhere. I once posted asking for opinions on a reading for my upcoming wedding and someone replied that everyone would be laughing through my ceremony waiting for us to divorce. When I responded- quite reasonably- that I didn't think that was a very nice thing to say to someone about to get married, and congratulations would have been more appropriate, I got a defensive reply along the lines of 'you posted in AIBU so what did you expect, everyone's horrible to each other here'.

I think some people come on here specifically to be as nasty as possible, almost as a type of sport. It's very odd, but then I am fortunate enough to have a happy and fulfilled life (and am still happily married 😁) so maybe that's why I don't feel the need to do it.

I wish I could link to threads! But there’s a brilliant example going on at the moment......

But you’d asked for an opinion on your wedding reading, @ReggaetonLente — it may have been strongly and rudely expressed, but surely you had invited responses, which might include negative ones.

I asked for an opinion on the reading - if the poster had said 'not my thing at all, a bit cringe' - fine. Maybe hard to read but fair enough.

'Everyone at your wedding will be laughing at you, waiting for your divorce' - unnecessary, mean spirited, bitchy, unkind.

That poster was just trying to make me feel like shit, for her own reasons unknown. I think that kind of person probably would have expressed the same opinion no matter what my reading was.

I agree with ReggaetonLente. I don't understand why people can't be friendly when they have a different opinion on this site. It's truly unique to Mumsnet that some posters want to roast others for the smallest things. It's a game here.

I think alot of people say things just to shock,
I think some are keyboard warriors (there was one thread about parking and the poster was telling people to "fuck off" later in the thread they mentioned how they would never approach anyone in RL 🤣🤣, but it's ok to do it over a screen)

I think some think it's a good thing as the type of board is only for the "hardened posters" (nasty is what I translate it as)

And some are just not very nice people who get personal when they cant make their point in a civilised manner. It normally shows they have a weak argument.

It's a shame really

I was always find people in real life more balanced in their opinions and views.

Reggae... what was the reading? I can't imagine what could provoke such a response, unless it were Celine Dion lyrics or something.

Oh, some obscure poem that ended with a line about life not being complete without love - I was worried it would upset my single friends. The consensus was I had to change the last line which I duly did.

It was called 'Love is friendship set on fire' if you are curious enough to Google!