Are people really as unkind and mean spirited in real life as they are on here?

[BertrandRussell]

Or do they get it out of their systems by posting on here and are truly lovely in real life?

It depends, if you are doing that sideways sucking in your stomach pose, or standing there in your knickers with a washboard stomach going 'excuse my huge Tummy'. Yes.

If it is a straightforward headless selfish, usually no.

Selfie, not selfish. Fucking auto correct.

I also think we’ve lost the ability to be disagreed with without feeling that we’ve been personally attacked.

This, absolutely this.

The posters that feel this are also likely IME to be the ones who say 'I tell it like it is' which really means they have mistaken their own opinion for fact. It is fine to have different opinions and to voice them.

I also think we’ve lost the ability to be disagreed with without feeling that we’ve been personally attacked

God yes. I think some posters actually agree with everything just for the sake of it because if you dare have a difference of opinion you get called all sorts.

Being unnecessarily vicious appears to be a hobby for some...

placemarking

They are keyboard warriors on here.

Most wouldn't dare say such horrible things in real life

I think yes, people are meaner on here/online generally, because they get carried away with the ideas and forget that there is an actual person at the other end.

But what lies beneath it... I don’t know. I hate to think that what looks like mostly-kindness in real life is really more about politeness than compassion, tbh. For me, it’s genuinely really rare that I’m inwardly seething and ready to vent online about day people daring to sit next to me on the bus or something.

I go through phases of avoiding AIBU in particular because I think it’s the worst for that and sometimes it’s just too depressing for me to use my leisure time on.

But there are many many moments of real generosity and support and wisdom expressed kindly on here. And there is also a fair bit of arseholery in real life. Yes, every able-bodied fucker on the jubilee line today who sat there and watched me stand whilst breastfeeding a fractious toddler (the alternative being that she bellowed the whole journey) and containing a tired 7yo, I’m looking at you.

I feel like discussions on Mumsnet are so black and white. If I posted some of the things that my MIL has done I'd be told she is a malicious old bitch and that I should never see her again, never let her see my children again and should force my husband to break contact with her.

In reality she is a loving grandmother and mother and even a loving mother in law. She has boundary issues and some mental health problems, which deteriorated after a traumatic incident. Why would I make my children suffer by cutting them off from someone who loves them? Real life has many grey areas. Sometimes she hurts my feelings and I have a little cry and give her a wide berth for a while. I think that's how most people deal with difficult family members but on Mumsnet everything is so black and white.

Op, you started this thread.
I can honestly say when I saw the title, you were the poster that sprung to mind and I was going to post with you in mind.

I've seen you dismiss, ignore, question, (repeatedly) gas light, and minimise ghastly situations many posters have been in. You have directly asked posters questions and so many have come back to you, detailing horrors at school bullying leading to suicide attempts or their child is disabled and you have asked them a question then ignored a detailed response about the battles and heart ache the parent has been through... Or women driven to low self esteem and their marriage ending due to in laws and you have been unkind and unsupportive or dismissive.

I am honestly shocked it's you who has started this post.
Oh to see ourselves how others see us., 🙄

Isabelle, women come on here desperate for help because they are thinking of leaving their marriage and breaking up thier family.
Due to in laws I have been personally supported and helped by this forum with my own issues and hope I have given back.

I have only seen ridicule from certain people.

I've also seen the OP on lots of threads over the years and I've never thought of her as being unkind or bullying. She has even disagreed with me quite forcefully on occasions and I still didn't find her posts nasty or patronising. And I recognise her as someone who encourages women not to put up with terrible relationships.

Well well well. Been a thread during the night in relationships where the OP admitted she has knowingly been with a convicted paedophile for five years. Surprise surprise, some posters were sympathetic. I couldn't be and was very rude for which I give no apology.

I totally agree with you Isabelle. I actually think MN can be pretty dangerous at times with the “support” it gives out. So many posters project their own feelings due to their relationships with their MILs, you can almost feel the anger and animosity in what they are posting. But that’s their situation, they don’t know that poster asking for advice or opinions.

@isabellerossignol - Absolutely agree. I could post a lost of DH's behaviour that, totted up, would make me think I'm mad to still be with him and we should split up today. Or another list that makes him look like the nicest saint on the planet. He's human, with failings, as am I. Life and most people in it aren't polarised good or bad.

The thread by the partner of a paedophile has been removed. In keeping with the topic of this thread, some posters were very kind in their replies on that thread, albeit a very emotive issue.

And in real life, there’s paedophiles and there’s ’paedophiles’, but probably not for some on MN. Do I like any of it? No, of course not. Do I think a man who like tiny kids is more abhorrent than a sleazy prick who sleeps with a 15 year old? You betcha.
People thought I was being goady for believing there’s levels of drink driving, but I wasn’t. They couldn’t believe that my view could be different and genuine.
I’d find it hard to believe that Bertrand was with what most people would call an actual paedophile, but I didn’t see the thread.

“I’d find it hard to believe that Bertrand was with what most people would call an actual paedophile, but I didn’t see the thread.”

I’m hoping that nobody is suggesting I am any sort of paedophile and that @filipe’s “OP” refers to the OP of the deleted thread, not to me?

Bit rich OP, I’ve seen you posting some very salty comments before! I've never seen any unkind posts from the OP.

I do know of a neighbours situation which escalated in a way, that had it played out on MN, would have a fair few calling troll. Listed buildings, disputed fences, midnight painting and a court case. Both sides believing they were 100% right.

What paeodophile?!

This thread’s taken an unexpected turn. Who’s with a paedophile? I refuse to believe it’s Bertrand.

The thing with MN is that it’s a place of complete extremes, everything seems to be black and white and there’s no nuance. It makes me feel old.

IMO some people enjoy being safely, anonymously unpleasant or aggressive on social media, when maybe they'd never be the same in RL - though perhaps they'd like to.

You find some on every forum.

I often think they're very likely mousy, retiring types in RL - and if male, weedy, insecure types who spend much of their lives indoors on screens, feeling big for having a go at other people.

TBH I find the vast majority in RL perfectly pleasant.

Bert Filipe isn’t referring to you. She said that she was on a thread where a poster knowingly stayed with a paedophile and people were sympathetic to her.

Not sure what it had to do with this thread mind.

There was a specific troll, who used to get off on the 'you're all bitches' approach

I always rather thought the aim was to get MNers to self-censor, because all women should be nice. The idea that women might speak their minds, and that not everyone is nice about everything, seemed to be anathema.