What drives you mad about MNers?

[omafiet]

I woke up grumpy today and reading some posts is making me grumpier. Perhaps I'm turning into a curmudgeon. But sometimes I read posts and think "Good grief, woman, you don't help yourself, do you?"

The gems that seem to pop up with alarming regularity: "We live rurally and I don't drive" in a post complaining of a lack of access to, well, anything really.

Or: "We don't have any family close by to babysit so DH and I haven't been out on our own since 2004." Do what we all do then and pay for a babysitter!

Ugh. This heat is making me grouchy. Anything make you want to shake another MNer?

Yep, tweet isn't just a mumsnet thing.

The LTB brigade.They just seem to push and push till the woman leaves.Which mightnt be in teh womens best interest.Im not talking abuse.

Mil threads,reading between the Lines the op is the problem sometimes.

Having a baby and not letting anyone visit.And then wonder why in 6 months nobody bothers with you.

That so many posters are witter, cleverer and funnier than me!

I will post something I think is spot on, and it will always be trumped by someone who's expressed it better.

Dammit!

literally never heard it and I'm 35. No one I know uses it clearly

I'm the same age as you. It's definitely not a Mumsnet word. "twee as fuck" was a thing back in the 90s/00s

The use of false outrage at one or two words used by a poster in order to derail a thread. There was a classic example earlier - a poster with genuine worries about her child who tried to inject a bit of lightheartedness by calling him an arsehole. The number of people who pretended to be absolutely outraged and holier-than-thou at the fact that toddlers can indeed be arseholes was quite staggering.

I can't get my head around the fact that so many Mumsnetters will not open the door to anyone unless it was a prearranged visit. Surly someone knocks on your door, you open it? Or look through the spy hole, or window or if you're really nervous ask through the door who they are! Not hide upstairs and frantically ask mumsnet for help!

The 'am I eating too much?' threads.

These irk me no end. Some poor woman has decided to cut down to 1400 calories, 500 less than she should (as is standard for weight loss) and then gets told by someone who has no idea about OPs height or current BMI that she's eating far too many calories and should eat far less... the amount of wrong advice given when there's such a lack of information present is astounding.

The cheater hating threads.

Someone comes on here asking for advice, freely admits they made a mistake by previously cheating and are deeply sorry for it but they can't turn back time, though they wish they could. Then in wade all the people saying 'you cheated? You deserve to suffer' as if they've never made any mistakes in their life. I find it awful. It's a bit different when a cheater doesn't regard their cheating as wrong, granted. But just kicking the boot in, not actually helping with the question at hand and then leaving is pretty heartless and unnecessary.
I'm not saying you have to like cheaters but if you're in the mood to just bash the OP, why don't you move on instead of commenting?

I hate it when posters wind things up to a frenzy, when the OP really needs to respond to a problem calmly and rationally. A lot of the angry and excitable advice woul make things MUCH worse.

Oh, and an OP who was trying to remain calm in a bad situation the other day was constantly rebuked for not posting angrily. "WHY AREN'T YOU ANGRY?" "WHERE'S YOUR ANGER?" etc.

FFS.There are so many people here who want a drama. People's lives aren't soap operas that posters want get a buzz out of. OPs are real people who have to live with the decisions they make, and trying to wind them up into making and emotional but unhelpful decision is downright dangerous. They have to live with the outcome while 'the viewer' scrolls down to the next OP.

The transphobia is shocking and I’m amazed HQ let it stand. The double standards are getting worse and there are a lot of man haters on the site. Can stand the virtue signallers as well

@BusterGonad Yep, they baffle me too. It's a front door just friggin open it.

Seeing as it costs the best part of £30 per lesson and then once you've passed it isn't exactly loose change to buy , insure and run a car I can understand why people can't even begin to think about learning.

I don't disagree, @LoafofSellotape, but at what point do you think "Hmm. I live in the arse end of nowhere, cannot drive, and am completely dependent on DH for access for everything. Perhaps living rurally isn't the best thing for me right now." Of course, being MN, I'm expecting a bunch of people to tell me how it isn't easy to just up and move. No, it's not - but it's possible.

omafiet that's such a 'just use your savings' reply.

The ones where the poster is asking where to get help/advise from and the replies tell them that mn is not the place for this advise and they need to seek professional advise, such as:

Op; Don't know where to get advise from. Situation is Ab and c. I have tried xy and z but they were no help. Where do i go now?

Reply; you need professional advise on this. Mn is not the place.

Op; yes i know.but i dont know WHERE to get this advise from, what professional do i need to speak to.

Reply: you need professional advise, mn can't help you. Have you tried xyz?

Op; yes i have tried xyz. They were no help. Where do i go now?

Rinse and repeat.

Oh yes! Benefit fraud. "Well I don't know anyone who'd deliberately get pregnant to get another bedroom and/or claim their child had a disability to get extra benefits"

Well no Sheila, you wouldn't. That's because you went to public school in Bucks, got a 2:i from Bristol in Performing Arts and you now live in Richmond with your investment banker husband and you have no fucking idea what's going on outside your bubble.

Yes!! The "nobility of poverty" outlook that so many painfully liberal middle class MNers have. It's just another way of stealth-boasting - the "I can afford to be generous to poor people" comments.

I was born and raised on a council estate and many of my family are still there. I could list 5-10 people off the top of my head who are committing benefit fraud making life choices to maximize their benefits. They are very open about it; as are many of their peers.

omafiet that's such a 'just use your savings' reply.

No, it's a "start taking control of your life" comment. You don't need to have thousands in the bank to make decent choices - and its patronizing to people to suggest otherwise.

Dh worked with a lad who always said he’d leave when his wife had baby 4.

Wife had baby 4, he left to live on tax credits.

No, it's a "start taking control of your life" comment

I rest my case

People who can't do anything by themselves - e.g. see a movie, eat lunch in a restaurant. I even had a friend who would stand outside a cafe if you arranged to meet for lunch, rather than walk in by herself. Jesus wept, woman, what is wrong with you?

That's funny, I've never met (in real life or online) an Aspie who refers themselves as "being Aspergers."

Neither have I, and I know that if I were I would find it hurtful to be referred to as 'being X' as if it's my sole defining characteristic. Dare I say that I secretly suspected the poster who scolded me might just have been bullshitting...but I couldn't actually say that on the thread because when someone says 'I have X' you can't exactly say 'nah, you don't' without being a bit of an arsehole!

I don't think autistic people like to use Aspergers to describe themselves because Asperger was part of the Nazi eugenics programme that killed autistic people and children.

OP - "My neighbour has their TV too loud, shall I complain to the Landlord/Council?"

MN - "Have you asked them to turn it down?"

OP - "No because I hate confrontation".

FFS, why do so many MNetters see basic adult communication as 'confrontation'?

Also MN - "Pop an anonymous note through the door, asking them to turn it down".

Jesus wept. Unless you know they're a violent drug taking psycho, just have a quick polite word

I even had a friend who would stand outside a cafe if you arranged to meet for lunch, rather than walk in by herself

I do this because I often can't recognize people out of their ”normal” surroundings. So I prefer to meet outsude.

I do this because I often can't recognize people out of their ”normal” surroundings. So I prefer to meet outsude.

But if you sat at a table inside the cafe, surely they'd recognise you and come and sit down

I don't think autistic people like to use Aspergers to describe themselves because Asperger was part of the Nazi eugenics programme that killed autistic people and children.

Not to be overly pedantic or anything but not all autistic people have Aspergers.
Oh and despite Aspergers being removed from the DSM, as a person diagnosed with Aspergers I'm happy to carry on using the word. I'm not naive or ignorant about the realities of the third reich and Austria at the time, but I'm not willing to condemn Asperger completely. I think it's a lot more complicated than some people are making it out to be.
I mean Leo Kanner also did some morally rephrensible things (and didn't have the excuse of living under a fascist dictatorship) but people still refer to classic autism as Kanner's autism.

But if you sat at a table inside the cafe, surely they'd recognise you and come and sit down

Yes, I agree (in theory) but a nagging thought is always there that they may have already got there and sat down and I don't recognise them and walk straight past them!