Strangers commenting on my appearance

[SparklesandFlowers]

Went for a walk with some friends and our children in buggies. There was a man we we chatting to before we set off, I don't know him, I think he was a stranger to everyone. After the walk I saw him again and he pointed at me and said "You caught the sun". I was red but because I was hot. I certainly haven't caught the sun as I know I burn easily so I wore a hat and carried a parasol the whole time. I tried to be assertive and told him I'm naturally red and that I get red when I'm hot, angry, embarrassed, drink red wine and other things.

I'm just upset he felt it necessary to comment on my appearance. I wish I'd said "Do you mean to be so rude?" but I'm never assertive enough. Why do people feel the need to comment on others' appearance? I know I'm red, I don't need it pointing out.

«Do you mean to be so rude?» is really not the great comeback it is presented as on MN. If someone said it to me, I would probably laugh and say yes.

@shumway what do you mean he wouldn't have said it to a man?! I mean I know normally the cheer up love give us a smile shite is only women but seriously I've said "you've caught the sun" to male colleagues and would assume it's just making conversation with anyone, Male or female who looks like they might have caught the sun

Meh. I know it can feel like a big deal when it's something you're bothered about anyway or something that 100 other people have already commented on (I feel today like I should be carrying a side that says "YES I KNOW THOSE BITES ON MY ARM LOOK NASTY THEY FEEL FUCKING NASTY TOO FUCK OFF"), but I honestly think most of the time people are just making conversation, not trying or wanting to embarrass or upset or offend you.

@Instatwat

I was thinking that, next it will be "a strange man pushed me and SCREAMED in my face that I looked red"

OMFG! Log it with 101

Jeez cant you go through life without being so offended?

Just smile politely and just say “yes i have, enjoying the weather “.

That phrase would have definitly been said to man. This isnt one of the those 'man trying to intimate or pole fun at women and would dare to a man's

People say it all the time.

I imagine lots of us do have conversations like this. We just dont get so arsey about it.

I had this said to me twice today, both women. One I knew and the other a shopkeeper that I didn't know - wish I'd known this was offensive behaviour, I just laughed and said "yes, it's so hot today isn't it, can you give me 5 £1 coins in my change if you can spare them?". I feel like such a wimp now.

On the morning of my wedding I drove to a pub to collect some crockery we'd hired. It was a hot day but I'd stayed out of the sun. I didn't want tan or burn lines ruining my dress. An older man sat at the bar felt it appropriate to comment that I was 'a bit pale'. It still fucks me off, firstly because he passed judgement unsolicited and second pale is better for your skin and why should I fake tan to please random bellends in pubs?

I'm not sure about the caught the sun comment OP. That's more of a passing conversation comment like 'it's hot today' I don't know why. I guess it's because it's an actual thing that has happened due to the weather.

Wow. Just wow.

I don't think it was rude but it is one of those stupid comments that people make, like 'you're tall!' or 'your hair is curly' where I always think, yes, and??

I would have just smiled and changed the subject. (While mentally rolling my eyes.)

Jesus wept

Now ‘you’ve caught the sun’ is offensive. I think I’m going to have to stop speaking to everyone

As someone who is naturally red like you I hate the fact I’m always red faced and get really upset when it’s pointed out. When I was younger I would have got arsey with someone who pointed it out as I’m sensitive these days I just steer the conversation away from the subject.

Doesn’t most small talk consist of irrelevant stuff like this? It’s just chat to someone you don’t know very well, it’s not meant to be offensive.

He’s clearly narcissistic and was gaslighting you

Ridiculous over reaction op..

I think you have caught the sun and it's fried your brain!

I don't think it was rude but it is one of those stupid comments that people make, like 'you're tall!' or 'your hair is curly' where I always think, yes, and??

The more I think about it, this is true.

I actually would never say 'you've caught the sun' to someone because a) it's never complimentary, and b) you won't be telling the person something they're not already fully aware of.

I get told 'you're tall' (I'm only 5"9'), invariably by short arse guys. I do always think 'thanks for the brand new information '. And know for a fact that they would not be receptive to being told 'you're short'.5'

I still think it's just one of the dumbass comments people make, that you just have to inwardly roll your eyes to - an OTT come back just makes you look ridiculous.

I say this with love OP but bloody hell - mountain out of a molehill!

On summer days 1 or 2 different people I don't know will say to me "ooh aren't you pale!"

Winter Me - yeah i used to fake tan but I actually love being pale nowadays!

On winter days the same frequency will say to me "ooh are you poorly you look ever so pale" or similar.

Winter Me - "ah no not poorly just super pale, hated it when I was younger but I love it now"

They mean no malice, I am very pale and there's far bigger shit going on in the world to worry about for me to let it ruin my day or theirs when no harm was meant by it. So I can reply in a nice way that is honest and also doesn't make anyone involved feel like shit.

No need to perpetuate negativity by escalating an innocent comment to a malicious one with no reason.

Be glad you didn't do a snarky reply like MN fave "did you mean to be so rude" in response to it. That wouldn't be winning, it'd be unnecessarily defensive and unhelpful for anyone involved.

In short - life's short, worry about the stuff that matters and forget the bullshit

Having caught the sun is not at all on the same level as commenting on how tall someone is or whether they have curly hair
It’s commenting on something that’s happened to you - a temporary thing - not something you are.

It’s just a making conversation/trying to be friendly sort of a comment. It’s meant as a compliment (well it is in my age group where I live anyhow) and means you’re looking tanned/healthy from being in the sun. Its not worth the energy of being offended imo. I’d say it to a man (admittedly not to a random stranger however).

God what are you like if someone pays you a compliment. Complete over reaction to make a post about it! As you were OP!

I’m not long back from my holidays and lots of folk have said similar, it’s just conversation.
Off you pop back under your parasol.

'Does your face always look like a big sweaty red beetroot after a few hours in the sun?' = rude

'Looks like you've caught the sun!' = friendly

Poor bloke.