I’m on holiday with my mother...

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And I remember now why I said last year never again....
I’m a single parent. She’s a widow. I’ve 2 ds, 8 and 10.
She clearly favours ds 10 and is openly rude to ds8.
She has martyred herself about everything, I don’t mind what we do, don’t worry about me, then told ds10 I need to respect her more and she paid more than her share (we split the costs in half). She put all our non freezable food delivery in the freezer and ruined it. She said I told her to. I didn’t. She read on Facebook an uncle who she hadn’t been bothered to visit in the last year despite living less than 10 minutes away had passed away - this wasn’t unexpected, he was 90 and had been having hospice care for months- and cried then went mad at me calling me hard hearted for not comforting her.
I forgot that last year she had an attack of the vapours and “went off her legs” crying and shivering in the caravan for attention because she didn’t get her way.
We’ve got to survive until Saturday.
Yes she was a shit mum to me....

Holy fuck......

Is there any way you could cut the holiday short?

That sounds abysmal you poor thing. I can relate as my mother has very similar tendencies. Hope you get to escape from her a bit before Saturday and then once you’re home just resolve never to repeat the experience. I’m no contact with my horrid mother currently and the silence is golden.

Keep writing things down. Use this as a journal of sorts.

Then, when you think about booking next year's holiday with her give it another read and DON'T DO IT!

It’s the only holiday I’ll get to with my ds s this year. So I’m going to make most of it. It means a lot that others agree she’s being unpleasant. I was seriously starting to wonder if it was me. She won’t drive. She can, she just won’t. I’ve done it all, all the lugging about. All the childcare. She has the best en-suite bedroom. I’m still wondering if I’m in the wrong.

Could you and your ds’s go out without her?

She spoke to me so rudely today that ds10 told her to shut up. He’s always been completely under grandmas spell. She likes to get him to say mean things to me, like mock my weight. He’s not playing this year... she’s gone to bed at 10 pm tonight, sulking, the atmosphere is awful, it was barely dark, the kids were still up. I think because ds10 said that.

You’re not in the wrong.

But you’ve had conditioning to be her emotional punchbag and general dogsbody for years, so you think you are.

Write a diary of all contact with her then, go low contact and never ever holiday with her again.

If you feel bad, re-read your diary.

Also it is not healthy for your DC’s relationship with you or eachother to be treated like the golden child and black sheep. Your poor younger son must be confused and upset at his grandmothers behaviour.

Take yourself and your sons out early and come back late till you have to go home. If you can muster up the courage to do so.

Yes I think I’ll just have to take her at her word when she says she doesn’t want to do something and will stay in the lodge all day and let her. That’s what I ended up doing last year. Never again.

Can you take the boys out without her tomorrow? Even if just for half a day.

You need to keep your resolve in the morning, the woman is an arsehole

At this stage you've got nothing to lose by telling her to fuck right off when she starts her shit again in the morning. Acting like a wet blanket isn't going to do you or your children any good. Your children need to see you stand up to this witch.

It sounds very much like you're actually on holiday with my mother. You have my every sympathy! Just get through it however best you can, and promise yourself - never again.

Thank you everyone. I’m going to just tell her what we are doing tomorrow, if she wants to come then fine, if not she can stay bloody put.

I’m using this as a diary to remind me never again!
Well she came with us to the beach. With fairly bad grace. I suggested she bring a book. She didn’t want to (to be fair I’ve never known her read a book). However kids and I all had books. So we sat at the beach, reading, kids dug a hole which I was enlisted to mind to ensure other kids didn’t fill it in while they swam, so I lay next to said hole and slept a few hours. By 6 pm she was saying she’d ‘had it for today’ so we all packed up and left. People were barbecuing on beach. It smelled amazing. Kids and me decided we wanted a barbecue. She said it’s only because of the smell I thought were going to Morrison’s cafe, it’s cheap there. I said we do need to go to Morrison’s to replace the frozen food and she just went mental, shouting at me in front of ds’s that she’s paid more than her fair share and I should stop going on about the fucking food.
Kids were freaked out, it was horrible.
So I told her I would bring her back to the lodge and take the kids for a barbecue on the beach. Which I did. She was silent on the 20 min drive back, wouldn’t even speak to ds’s, dropped the keys in the floor when ds askec for them.
We went for our barbecue and got back at 8.45. She’s in bed. Not come out at all.
Any advice welcome...

Go to bed and engage with her in the morning. Then discuss the plans for the day for you and your sons and ask if she wants to come too.

Hope she’s not too awkward though 🍷

Leave early tomorrow without the sour faced witch.

Ignore her completely unless she’s polite to you.

Then when you’re home never ever put yourself out for her ever again.

Maybe next time pair up with another mum who wants to take her DCs away too. You will have some nice adult company and your kids will some others to play with. That way your mum can be taken out of the holiday equation. She sounds toxic.

Oh god she sound fun.

Why on earth did you agree on her coming this year?

Ignore her shit. Do not engage. Be polite and offer tea as appropriate if you are making some, but MAINTAIN BOUNDARIES. And certainly don't do it again, ever!

Try googling how to live with a narcissist. .... you have my deepest sympathy with this situation. X

To be honest you already lost me here She clearly favours ds 10 and is openly rude to ds8.

But I have a difficult mother too so I do know how hard it is to actually stand up to her! Try and keep yourself busy and put a reminder in your phone / calendar for next year that says NEVER AGAIN with a list of all the reasons why a holiday with her is shit. Put it in several times in the run up to summer.

When you look back on it you will realise you get so few holidays with your kids. Don’t let her ruin any more of them.

Brilliant that you did go and have the BBQ! (Sorry forgot to say that before.)

I agreed to go because since my dad died 4 years ago I’ve taken her on holiday / day trips / everything. She does a good impression of a lonely widow despite having met a new man via internet who she has been seeing for over a year. In fact, that’s weird too, she lied to him about her age for the first 8 months or so and said we couldn’t meet him in case kids gave it away. Now she has told him but still we are def not invited to meet him or even phone when he is there. When we have she is all strange and fake posh and ends the call pdq. interestingly he also rubs around after her, drives the 40 mile round trip to her twice a week, never once, even when he had been in hospital, has she gone to him.

Oh OP! I too have a difficult DM, sending solidarity, hopefully the rest of the 'holiday' passes quickly.

Honestly, I would tell her your plans for the day for tomorrow (and Thursday/Friday) If she wants to tag along, fine, if not, ignore and cheerily wave her goodbye as you drive off. Don't let her destroy your holiday. Allowing her to ruin everything means you're enabling her and giving her permission to be a bitch. Stop that behaviour now!