I’m on holiday with my mother...

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And I remember now why I said last year never again....
I’m a single parent. She’s a widow. I’ve 2 ds, 8 and 10.
She clearly favours ds 10 and is openly rude to ds8.
She has martyred herself about everything, I don’t mind what we do, don’t worry about me, then told ds10 I need to respect her more and she paid more than her share (we split the costs in half). She put all our non freezable food delivery in the freezer and ruined it. She said I told her to. I didn’t. She read on Facebook an uncle who she hadn’t been bothered to visit in the last year despite living less than 10 minutes away had passed away - this wasn’t unexpected, he was 90 and had been having hospice care for months- and cried then went mad at me calling me hard hearted for not comforting her.
I forgot that last year she had an attack of the vapours and “went off her legs” crying and shivering in the caravan for attention because she didn’t get her way.
We’ve got to survive until Saturday.
Yes she was a shit mum to me....

You have to carry on as if she's not there. My DM is like this- so we plan and book and invite her along, but she doesn't control what we do. She doesn't have to join us, it's her choice. If we pander to her, she gets more and more demanding.

Why not just say to her 'Why don't you go home? You're not enjoying it, you're making it miserable for us, just go'. And preferably call her a taxi (which she'll have to pay for!)

I'd suggest to her that boyfriend come and pick her up as 'she's not enjoying herself'.

Just out of interest, what food went in the freezer that was unusable?

Apart from lettuce or something I can’t really think of anything!

I went nc with my dc for bratty behaviour...

She’s come with us to ds10s surfing lesson. She’s behaving today but the kids are giving her a wide berth. She tried to pay half for lunch and I absolutely refused her money, told her I’m not taking it so it’ll blow away if she doesn’t take it back. She’s not buying us...
The food was quorn chicken sandwich slices and chilled roasted quorn pieces, it’s the only bloody sandwich filling ds will eat apart from jam, I’ve tried freezing it before, it liquified when it defrosted 🤮 we are in rural Cornwall, 9 miles to possible source of replacements, there’s no stock of such things in the on-site nisa- he’s managing on jam, really don’t want to waste a few hours finding a supermarket in the nearest non touristy town...

It's often a defensive mechanism.
DM was haranguing me for denying having done taikwondo. I did karate briefly, never taikwando. When she found the paper supposed to prove her right (but actually proving me right) she was pretty vile about it.

She hates being dependent on people, so is nasty to them to prove her independence. While actually be8ng dependent on them. Argh.

' Mother, you're obviously not enjoying your holiday. I'm going to drop you off at the station tomorrow so you don't have to stay any longer '
OP

I agree. I think taking her today was a mistake too. I think she needs to see you out having fun which may shock her into behaving but if not you've at least had fun.

I would have said no well before now . . .

I am not being rude but genuinely why do you stay in touch with her? I just don't understand how people can (and to be fair DM was Narc and I was v v low contact, no way would I have lived nearby)

Do not under any circumstances take her money. She's not doing it as a peace offering, she's doing it so she has another this to hold over you and call you ungrateful for.

Blimey OP, you must be a saint. Are you remaining sober through all this?

I’d a sun £10 holiday next year op, it would be better than this shite.

I remember the intense feeling of joy I got the first time I denied my mother the chance to pay for something. The brief look of pain on her face when she realised she couldn't control the situation by being the one with money any more was delicious. Best of all, any onlookers just think you're being a dutiful daughter not wishing to bankrupt your dear old mother. You cannot lose in this scenario

Hope today goes ok. Don't let her pay for things if possible, although it is hard when she tries to buy the kids and you look like the bad one.

It made me smile that when the thread list currently shows 'Im on holiday with my mother' followed directly by 'There's no point in me carrying on.'

One day at time OP, pretend you're not noticing!

This hopefully will act as a good reminder why you shouldn't do this again. If you feel any ounce of guilt at all next year, remind yourself that this is your only holiday, and she has other options. Also, your boys don't deserve to see you treated so badly, or be treated badly themselves.

I really feel for you.

Blimey, she is a cow isn't she? At least your eldest is now of an age to realise and call her out on it.

I hope you manage to enjoy as much of the rest of your holiday as you can

If you were posting about an abusive partner, we'd all be saying LTB.

Seriously, don't ever put your DC in this situation again. Lose the bitch.

They shouldn't have to put up with her, even if you are in FOG.

For the DC sake plaster on a smile and ignore her

Home tomorrow 😊 sad my hols with dc are ending but Christ will I whoop with joy when I drop my mother off. Already been looking to book for just me and boys next year, it’ll be a tin can of a caravan instead of a fancy lodge as prices for two adults are only a tiny bit more than for one, but it’ll be worth it for the joy not to be sucked out of it...

You will have a great time next year. The accommodation doesn't matter.

I reckon the root of this is that she paid more than her share and she's really sore about it and behaving appallingly. You say you split it in half, but that means she's subbing your kids.

I'm not defending her childish behaviour. If she has a problem she should raise it directly like a grown up. So many people seem not to have learned the art of communication and get passive aggressive and petty instead.

She's utterly toxic

Use this thread as a reminder of just how awful she is

Your kids are wising up to her behaviour but that's no bad thing. My boys (13 and 14) sussed their paternal grandmother a few years ago. We don't let her spend anytime alone with boys because she is utter poison.

When you get home tomorrow have a celebration of sorts

Well done, OP, for surviving the last few days with your foolish (because she's doing herself absolutely no favours) mother.

I'm sure she'll be astonished nearer the time that you won't want to vacation with her - just print out this thread to read and remind yourself how difficult she's made this one in case there's any likelihood you may be guilted into doing so another time. 🌹

I agree the root is money mooncup, I offered to pay 3/4 of it because there’s three of us and she wouldn’t hear of it. But, if she wasn’t here we wouldn’t have chosen or needed such nice accommodation - we had to find somewhere this year with two double beds - 3 bed caravans all have 1 double and 2 twins, last 4 years I’ve been in a twin, I’m fat, a caravan single isn’t even a proper sized single, last time I didn’t sleep virtually at all for a week then at end of it had to drive for 7 hours home and it was dangerous. This year I insisted on having a proper bed... she’s still taken the best room, and locked the en-suite from the inside so none of us have been able to use it. She’s also not lifted a finger really to help out with dcs.