Just received an invitation to go over to a friend's house after school this week...

[ContessaLovesTheSunshine]

.... said friend got a dog some months ago. There have been a few incidents since with the kids running out merrily into the garden (both my/her kids, all KS2), having been told to do so by our hosts, only to find themselves treading in dog mess. I have had to clean it off their shoes a few times also, said dog steals their shoes if not watched like a hawk and has previously stolen/chewed on my kids' school shoes. As you can guess, we don't have a dog and so are a bit unaccustomed to this sort of thing - I can live with shoe stealing but the dogshit makes me heave.

There's no polite way to respond to her invitation saying "We'd be delighted to come over provided that the garden isn't full of dogshit", is there?! She's lovely and we do want to go, but I can't work out how to say "Actually please come here" without my real feelings being really obvious....

Say you have a delivery that you need to wait in for in case

Why can’t you be honest?

“We had a lovely time last time but CHILDS NAMES trod in dog poo several times so I don’t want them playing out in the garden. You’re all welcome to come here though for some tea/whatever.”

Why would you not be able to say that?

Because people get offended even if it's a reasonable thing to say

I like what @soola suggested. Honesty is usually the best policy as you end up tying yourself in knots otherwise.

What soola said

Honesty is best but I’d probably just say I had a delivery and could they come to mine. I’m a bit shocked she didn’t clean the shoes to be honest. The problem with making an excuse is that you’ll have to address it at some point and if I’m honest I don’t really understand why it happens. Most people with dogs and kids are quite vigilant, the odd missed one happens but on several occasions?

I grew up with dogs that were walked regularly. We never had dog poo in the garden. It sounds like this dog isn't being walked enough.

Because the loud subtext of Soola's reply is "I think you have poor standards of hygiene"!

Well she does doesn't she. Just keep making excuses not to go then.

You could go but not let the children in the garden unless they are provided with wellies by the household and explain why.

Blame the kids and say your kids are squeamish about dog poo (that way you are almost honestly broaching the real issue without embarrassing yourself). And then quickly and lightly and cheerily invite them to yours.

If you don't address it this time then you will have to next time or the time after that.

I would be honest, if shes your friend why can't you say what @Soola said

Just ask her to poo pick before you come, or the PA method hand her the shoes to clean!

Subtext is correct though - they do have poor standards if they let the dog poo in their garden without cleaning it up before kids go out there. It is hardly a high standard is it

Don’t understand people letting dogs crap in the garden, take it for a walk ffs!

My dogs have five walks a day but one still prefers to go in the garden and the minute she's up she heads to the garden to poop, and if the weather is terrible she doesn't want to go for a walk.I don't see why she shouldn't go in her own garden but then I pick it up immediately.

I understand this is a tricky one but I do agree with other posters that honesty is the best policy.

“Hi (name) thanks for the invite, I’d love to get together.
I hope you don’t mind me asking this but is it possible for the garden to be poo free if the kids are going to play outside, just to avoid getting it on their shoes?”

Polite, friendly and to the point.

Your are not saying they have poor standards of hygiene you are saying they have dog poo in their garden. Which they do. So how can they take offence?

It would actually be good for them to know otherwise they will forever wonder why none of their friends will go round anymore

I think sending them over in wellies is a good compromise.

Just put the wellies in the car, tell them they gave to wear them outside on the play date but can obvs take them off indoors.

Say nothing about it unless asked directly.

I agree. It’s not a critique of her overall, it’s a direct observation on what has actually occurred. It’s ok to say you don’t want to clean their dog’s shit off your kids’ shoes again. It’s based on fact not judgement.

yes ...tell her she needs to walk her dog so it shits somewhere else for members of the public to step in ( if she cant pick it up from the garden she hardly like likely to pick it up in public )...!

Thought the op was going to be "but school finished last Friday"

I need to be here for a parcel delivery, why dont you come over? That's what I would do. Then be shocked it didn't turn up.