Just received an invitation to go over to a friend's house after school this week...

[ContessaLovesTheSunshine]

.... said friend got a dog some months ago. There have been a few incidents since with the kids running out merrily into the garden (both my/her kids, all KS2), having been told to do so by our hosts, only to find themselves treading in dog mess. I have had to clean it off their shoes a few times also, said dog steals their shoes if not watched like a hawk and has previously stolen/chewed on my kids' school shoes. As you can guess, we don't have a dog and so are a bit unaccustomed to this sort of thing - I can live with shoe stealing but the dogshit makes me heave.

There's no polite way to respond to her invitation saying "We'd be delighted to come over provided that the garden isn't full of dogshit", is there?! She's lovely and we do want to go, but I can't work out how to say "Actually please come here" without my real feelings being really obvious....

Jelly shoes. Easier to hose off/rinse etc
But you should mention it as well

Gosh it all sounds very formal!

'Received an invitation'

'Our hosts'

Just offer to check the garden for shit and tell your friend it's to save you both having to scrub your kid's shoes.

Tell your children to look out for dog shit and not step in it? Like on footpaths? Like in the rest of the world???

If she's a good friend just say 🤷‍♀️

There's been a couple of times I've had friends with kids over and when they all want to play out I'll say "hang on, let me just do the shit run in case I've missed any".

She’ll still have to clean the shit off the wellies before they go in the car. The point is to not clean shit off anything, rather than providing special shit-friendly footwear which you cheerfully scrub off before leaving

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

I’m 100% with @Soola on this. Glad you’re going to be honest OP.

Why oh why oh why can’t people just be honest?? Honest & respectful is not the same as hurtful / judgemental/ cruel etc.

For those advocating lying... what is the OP going to do next week / next month etc when she’s invited over?? Keep lying for years??? How is that better? How is that less hurtful than a respectful conversation between friends?

I still maintain my ‘ unpopular opinion’ that 99% of all angst on MN would be a non-issue if people just had grown up conversations with one another 🤷‍♀️

Jelly shoes. Easier to hose off/rinse etc
But you should mention it as well

Easier to clean off but surely it's still FUCKING DISGUSTING?! Honestly, some people's bars are incredibly low!

Uff. Ok, sent. Have asked her to double-check there isn't any poo, that they are unobservant and won't see it, and that I hate dealing with poo and get really twitched at the thought of poo contamination (I used to be a microbiologist so Contamination Risk is deeply ingrained).

Hopefully she'll do her eyerolling in private and simply reply with of course, no problem

Oh yes def still tell her but I’d be getting jelly shoes anyway as tho even if the shit is picked up there will still be remnants you can then disinfect jelly shoes

that they are unobservant and won't see it...

You said that? Ouch.

I would go with either @avocadoincident or @pictish suggestions. May as well get it out there. So grim not clearing it straight away.

No I'd counteract the invitation with an invite to mine instead.

@Marmozet how would you word it?

saraclara I've just realised what you mean - I honestly didn't think when I said it that it was PA but now I see how it might be taken that way! Oh well. Done now!

She's replied with No problem, see you then. She now has a few days to get over my annoying fussiness and I have a few days to source naice biscuits (the reward)

Thanks all for the reassurance that I'm not being a weirdo, and for the useful 'Alas, I am expecting a delivery' excuse. I would literally never have thought of that!

Another vote for Soola's reply.

You're overthinking this. The problem is you don't want your kids stepping in dog poo. So tell her!

Sorry cross post, saw you've sorted it. Result.

Glad you got it sorted and agree she'll probably do some eye-rolling in private!
Some people do have different standards. I went for a quick bite at a friend's house once (they have 3 dogs) and noticed their garden was dotted with piles of dog shit. She had set up the coffees outside and as we were chatting one of her dogs did another big shit not far from the table and she just said jokily "oh thanks for that" and carried on!
I was inwardly heaving and left shortly after!

Our dog does use the garden occasionally if it's between walks but I always pick it up immediately so that the kids can play out without worrying about it. Thought maybe I was being a bit obsessive but from the sound of this thread thankfully it appears not! Hope it goes well!

My dog gets walked off-leash for at least half an hour twice a day and still shits in the garden. I wouldn't dream of inviting anyone over without going out and picking it up.

Tell her.

My dog (well one of them) seems to revel in making sure he saves a shit for the garden or vet or groomer, doesn't matter how many walks he gets.

Glad it's sorted! I'd be mortified if anyone stepped in shit in my backyard.

Go and say “oh friend do you mind if I pick the dog poo up? Just I couldn’t get it off childs shoes the last time haha!🤢”

And surely she will then just say “oh god sorry OP, I’ll go and pick it up 😥😥😥”

Well done op. Tbh it's better you cause her to eye roll than one of your dc (or hers) get toxocariasis. It's not an unreasonable request at all.